Single Mum Signed Off Work With PTSD

[LonePenguin]

I have 2 children aged 8 and 4. Today I've been signed off work for a month with PTSD/ anxiety. The GP and work didn't mention anything but I'm worried after disclosing my symptoms (nightmares/flashbacks and panic attacks) either work or my doctor will call Social Services. Am I an unfit mother if I'm too ill to work? (Ex seems to think so).

My children are and always have been well looked after. I have protected them from all of my health issues. Just now ex has wormed his way into my head.

No. You are not an unfit mother. Ignore your ex- don’t give him any of this information in future.

My advice: keep your fridge full, and don’t drink much. Change your name on social media and don’t post anything you wouldn’t want them to see.

Absolutely not. Being ill doesn't make you unfit. Bit of a cliche, but you can't pour from an empty cup.

I'm going to take a stab in the dark and assume that the ex is the reason for your PTSD?

Even if not, ignore, ignore, ignore. Mental health issues do not make you an unfit parent. Not being able to work is not a factor in being able to parent your children. There are plenty of people unable to work due to illness/disability who are absolutely fantastic parents.

Take the time off to focus on whatever steps you have been given to help yourself. Have you been referred to therapy or given any medication at all?

Your ex does not need to know your medical status, that is your private information. Do not disclose anything else about yourself, its none of their business.

I told him because I was asking if he could have the children more whilst I'm struggling. He laughed and said that I would be reported to social services by now anyway and would wind up having the children a whole lot less. I hate him. I don't have the energy to hate him but I really do.

I'm guessing lots of people are being signed off with anxiety at the moment in our covid world. Never be afraid to reach out and ask for help. Your ex is a twat

No. But don't tell people your weaknesses if they're going to use them against you. He sounds horrible so don't tell him anything.

I have Complex PTSD and have had it for 10 years, the GP has never reported me and I suffer with all the things you mention.

Nope. If you are meeting the children's needs nobody will report you much less take the DC away. Social services are up to their eyeballs in neglect and abuse and have no interest in parents who are struggling with MH but coping. Not to put too fine a point on it, we're ten a penny. Loads and loads and loads of people have been there, and half the nation would have done time in care if it led to your kids being taken away.

Your ex sounds like a bastard though. I'm sorry.

No he is being a nob. Being off work will give you some space for the other stuff you need to do. Hope you feel better soon

PTSD and being signed off work don't make you unfit??

They might offer you support but don't worry, I don't see why you would be at risk of anything bad from what you've mentioned.

(PS I am also a parent with PTSD - and I think I'm stuck with my kids lol :)

I agree, don’t drink at all and be careful what you post on social media. Just in case. Is your youngest at nursery this week?
Now you are off work it might take some pressure off you and the weather is better.
Make sure that you have some sort of plan like : you are taking medicines, going for a walk with DC every day, cut caffeine, keep your mobile full charge all the time, sleep with lights on. I’m sure you’ve got some advices from your GP.
There are lots of parents who have mental health issues but it doesn’t mean automatically that they can’t cope with their children.

I have complex ptsd and an abusive ex. I'm long out on the other side and in recovery. Pm if you want any hacks on how to deal with it. Hugs, its hard

My boss wouldn't report me to social services would they? He was just being an arse with that suggestion. I don't think he would report himself in case it meant he had to have the kids more. My GP has known about my health issues for a while and hasn't reported me. So I think he is just trying to unsettle me.

Why would your boss report you? I bet they have never even seen you looking after your kids.

No they haven't Jen but they obviously know I have children and now know I'm not sleeping and having panic attacks and am too ill to be in work for the next month. Ex implies they would be worried about my ability to care for my daughters if I can't work. I think he was just trying to be a twat though. I hope.

I don’t think your boss will do this. Your ex is twat.

I have PTSD and look after my three children without any intervention ever from SS. After my youngest was born I also had a psychiatrist visit me at home to check on my well-being. It’s ok and it will be ok.

He can try but I think they will see straight through him. A friend has had this issue and she has been called everything under the sun by him and his flying monkies, reported left right and centre and the social worker phones her and has a chat - she has spoken to her so often she now just phones for a catch up and signs her off.

Sounds more like he has some sort of mental health disorder if he is so obsessed with you being a poor Mother simply because he has put you through the ringer - how does that make him look - oh yeah emotional abuser bully and more no doubt. He is playing on your insecurities to be honest

It sounds like the symptoms of anxiety are causing you to catastrophise about future events that won't happen. Your boss won't phone social services for you being unwell. And your ex is a dick.
I hope your GP has referred you for counselling/cbt/support. There's also lots of apps such as silver cloud which might help you while you wait. Best of luck. You'll get through this and when you do you'll know that you are stronger than you ever thought

Have you actually been diagnosed with PTSD? Because GPs can’t diagnose mental conditions in the NHS. It has to be a psychiatrist or psychologist after referral to mental health team and a full psychological assessment.
So if you’ve only seen a GP, it is likely you’ve been signed off due to “symptoms of PTSD/anxiety”, so as far as social services is concerned you’re no where near the level of mental incapacitation.
I say this not to minimise what you’re going through, but to reassure you that your children will not be taken from you. Also, to let you know if the month off work isn’t enough and your symptoms worsen you can push the GP to refer you to your community mental health team.

Hi OP, it's an interesting one, as I have just been dealing with Social Services, and had a Health Visitor get in touch as I had asked for a bit of help with a couple of things. HV said, amongst our long chat about past stuff with ExP, and when he said he would report me etc, HV said 'oh no as long as there are no drink problems/drugs, you are not depressed etc, you have power and they will always support you' 🤔😳 I thought hold on, so being depressed means as mother you will not be so favourable to SS then?! And they wonder why people don't reach out!!

I think if that had come from anyone else other than your exP then you could take notice, but you know why he has said what he has, they will try any way they can to get to you.

It would be a good idea to tell your GP about your ex's threats.

They won't be trying to get your DC taken into care - but they will be interested in making sure you are protected from an abuser, though.

First of all, don't listen to your ex, or anyone else who tries to put you down during this tough time. Second, of course you aren't a bad mother! Even with everything happening at the moment, kids are difficult to look after. Hang in there, stay strong, my thoughts go to you and your family :)