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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by the UK-centric assumptions on here

373 replies

saraclara · 15/02/2021 14:26

Many posters here seem blissfully ignorant of the fact that the internet is a worldwide thing. Yes, this site is based in the UK, but that should be as far as it goes. Clearly there's somewhat of a UK focus which is fine up to a point. But...

Every second thread seems to end up with someone in the covid police trying to threadjack it because a hapless poster from a country that's not in lockdown, posts about being on holiday/vacation or visiting relatives, or doing something else that's not allowed here at the moment. Why do the threadjackers assume that everyone on here is British?

Seriously, the insularity here is really weird. I've not seen it on any other forum. I belong to two based in the US, but no-one assumes that posters on them must all be American.

OP posts:
Original poster
saraclara · 16/02/2021 08:49

@Bluebelle41

I think that your problem is really those posters who go in hard and are quite vicious and judgmental off the bat.

For most people, it’s not a problem to assume that a poster is based in the UK and then correct that assumption as needed. I think it’s the personality rather than the assumption that you truly have issues with.

Yep. Judgementalism often goes hand in hand with a Little Britain mentality, so it's the combination that's so irritating. Covid has just refined it right down to the countries within the UK and even the regions.

Many a time I've seen posters who turn out to be from the West Midlands being upbraided for calling their mothers Mom! There just are many posters who can't cope with the idea that life isn't the same outside their own particular little patch of England. And that's not just a mumsnet issue, to be fair.

OP posts:
Hugoslavia · 16/02/2021 08:50

(Light-hearted)

If you find UK Mumsnet to be too UK, perhaps stick to one in your own country.

..... See.... I didn't assume that you were from the UK did I!

Grin
Sparklingbrook · 16/02/2021 08:52

The vote stands at 89% YABU, so I guess there's your answer. The majority aren't irritated.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 16/02/2021 08:56

This is one of the daftest threads I've read for a while.

This is a UK forum. The starting assumption is that posters are in the UK. Not weird or unreasonable at all.

Curiosity about rules and weather is just normal. I work internationally and the first 5 minutes of every teams meeting is taken up discussing latest rules (and /or the weather) where everyone is.

MiddlesexGirl · 16/02/2021 08:58

It's reasonable to assume that that default position is that the poster lives in the UK (note - is not necessarily a UK national) as that's where MN is based, its articles are based on UK themes etc etc.
It's rarely relevant but if it is it should be stated.

Again, the majority of UK residents live in England. So it may well seem that there is an English bias but when the majority of posters live in England that's hard to avoid.
Added to which, MN was set up by a group of women living in London I believe, so no doubt there is a London bias too .... or maybe it's because more people live in London than other parts of the UK ......

Cadent · 16/02/2021 08:58

I agree that some posters question posters over use of ‘mom’, $$$, or other non-UK words/symbols, and it can be annoying. It’s not always relevant to know where the poster is posting from.

But sometimes it is relevant, and the poster says something cost $200. And everyone else is thinking $200 what, US? Canadian? Mexican? Australian?

MiddlesexGirl · 16/02/2021 09:01

Yep. Judgementalism often goes hand in hand with a Little Britain mentality, so it's the combination that's so irritating. Covid has just refined it right down to the countries within the UK and even the regions.

Many a time I've seen posters who turn out to be from the West Midlands being upbraided for calling their mothers Mom! There just are many posters who can't cope with the idea that life isn't the same outside their own particular little patch of England. And that's not just a mumsnet issue, to be fair.

And you are calling out judgmentalism? ..... 😂

Sparklingbrook · 16/02/2021 09:04

I am from the West Midlands and have never called my Mother 'Mom', it's always 'Mum'

FrickinA · 16/02/2021 09:11

I did think it weird/ironic that an American was apparently complaining about people from another. Country being insular 😅

GreenlandTheMovie · 16/02/2021 09:35

posters seem to think that no-one who posts here can possibly be from/live anywhere else in the world.

You seem to be missing the point that not all posters do this. Perhaps if you weren't so rude about other posters, the message that you're constantly trying to press might make more sense? Instead, you constantly quote posts picking up on on one or two phrases, and come across as controlling. Which doesn't persuade others to your proposition.

I suspect that if automatic the British bias of this British based website was made more generic, it would lost its appeal for many posters who are drawn to it. If the BBC lost some of its British traits, and turned into another generic cnn, it would lose a lot of the aiieal that makes it stand out to certain audience.

Why not simply mention, if it's important to your opersuective, that you're not from the UK? Is thus really so difficult to add into a conversation? Would you apply the same arguments to a US biased site?

Has this not actually occurred to you, or is your entire ability to critically analyse based on picking out one or two words and phrases and then insulting the maker? It's not a very effective, or advanced technique... You need to be able to build a better argument than re-creating the same criticism over and over again.

StanfordPines · 16/02/2021 10:05

‘Hello. What can I cook for lunch in Sunday for my in laws?’
‘What about roast pork with all the trimmings and apple crumble with custard for afters?’

  • and various other similar posts

‘No way. We are a vegan, gluten free family and FiL keeps kosher. Why assume anything else?’

queeniebeebee · 16/02/2021 10:26

I agree with the op, although it does seem to be a covid related issue. I'm British, not a mum, and dont live in the uk. I used to be able to start posts asking for relationship or similar advice and get advice on my problem. For the past year or so, if I forget to say that I'm not in the uk, then the thread is highly likely to be side- tracked with questions about how did I manage to get my haircut, go to the pub etc. Surely it doesn't take much effort to read a post which starts, for example 'my hairdresser spilt bleach down my top this morning ...' and come to the conclusion that I'm somewhere where haircuts are allowed, rather than automatically assume that I have been doing something illicit.

DumplingsAndStew · 16/02/2021 10:47

The issue is NOT that people assume everyone is from the UK, its that people can be snidey, accusatory and even abusive if someone isn't. Unless someone specifically mentions they are from a different place, they are open to all sorts of crap, even if the content of their post/comment makes it quite clear.

Why assume someone is lying if they say something outwith your experience? Why not just think that they are obviously in different circumstances?

Goldenbear · 16/02/2021 11:07

I think the OPs wrong though, it being UK based is not as 'far as it goes' as they stated in their opening post. The fact that is is UK based is the appeal to many as the advice they are seeking or topics they are debating have a UK context and the site certainly lives up to that expectation or the content, promotions, surveys, reviews, advice would not be geared towards a UK audience. The people who own the site are obviously a major influence over this, I don't understand how you can't see the correlation between your question and the reason people do have that default setting. It is nothing to do with being judgemental, it is making assumptions based upon the content of the website.

Kettledodger · 16/02/2021 11:15

I have said it several times throughout this thread that the onus should be on the writer to clarify what situation they are in (different country, tier etc) not for the reader to adjust their answer to take into account every possible situation available. What is so hard about just say ...not in UK or in Manchester or whatever.

CluelessCrapParent · 16/02/2021 11:44

Anyone who has been posting on Mumsnet for longer than the last couple of years could not fail to see why MN is known as a 'nest full of vipers' ready to pounce on anyone with their acerbic ways, home truths, scepticism etc, especially on AIBU, regardless of where you live. It can be harsh, for anybody. It's not everyone's cup of tea....or chai latte. That's why many of us hesitate or lurk before posting. People used to brace themselves for a flaming when they posted. At the same time, there is so much to learn from Mumsnet, especially the Relationship and Feminist boards. So many erudite, wise, kind and articulate women on here (I feel I should apologise for assuming 'women' based on the OP...yes, seems ridiculous). Many who have been through life's ups and downs and have got to the stage of not suffering fools gladly, or have ran out of f**ks to give. Not to mention that there are many trolls, bad faith posters and otherwise very strange posters who use MN as well (MNs have honed their radars to try and bust those).

That's Mumsnet. Same vibe with other (international) women's forums I've seen, 'Expat Women' of U.A.E. for example, before it was moderated to death.

queeniebeebee · 16/02/2021 11:47

kettledodger yes if location is relevant to the thread, e.g legal advice, then people should state where they are. But sometimes it's really not relevant to the thread which country you are in but someone picks up on a minor detail which can then derail the thread. For example, I once posted about an issue which I had with a friend and mentioned that we'd been for coffee that morning. Because of time differences, the thread appeared on MN at about 10.30 am uk time and I got several replies asking how I'd managed to go out for coffee so early on a Sunday, or saying that I must be really anxious because it was only 10.30 and I was already posting about it. None of which helped solve my problem. As a pp said, sometimes people just dont consider that not everyone is living in identical circumstances.

SparkysMagicPiano · 16/02/2021 11:59

@Kettledodger

I have said it several times throughout this thread that the onus should be on the writer to clarify what situation they are in (different country, tier etc) not for the reader to adjust their answer to take into account every possible situation available. What is so hard about just say ...not in UK or in Manchester or whatever.
But sometimes people should just tke things at face value, not pick them apart like a forensic scientist.

I missed the first few minutes of a BBC programme the other day and considered asking MN what happened. I would imagine that a number of replies would suggest iPlayer, so I would have included "I do not have access to iPlayer". The thread would have been derailed by people explaining how to access iPlayer.

I don't have access to it because I live in France. If I had included that in the OP then I would get plenty of people recommending VPNs.

I don't want to set up a VPN.

I just wanted to know what happened, and saying "I do not have access to iPlayer" should be enough.

Afromeg · 16/02/2021 12:48

Oooh @Fontella I think you got carried away a bit there Grin but snap snap snap! I hear you! 🙌🏽

JustLyra · 16/02/2021 13:44

@Kettledodger

I have said it several times throughout this thread that the onus should be on the writer to clarify what situation they are in (different country, tier etc) not for the reader to adjust their answer to take into account every possible situation available. What is so hard about just say ...not in UK or in Manchester or whatever.
A lot of the time it's not remotely relevant.

The thread by the woman who had an issue while out for a drink with her boss was a classic example. She posted that "last night" she was out and x, y and z had happened.

The dozen posts stating that all pubs were shut, that none of the covid tiers allowed that etc etc were absolutely irrelevant to the issue that the poster wanted advice from.

Same with school threads. If someone posts that they are struggling with the school holidays then there's no need for half a dozen people to announce "school holidays haven't started yet" when clearly, for the poster in question, they have.

Too many on here are just so desperate to be the first to call troll they spend more time looking for inconsistencies to their own lives than they do reading the actual reason someone has posted.

pictish · 16/02/2021 14:28

I do agree. Some people love picking irrelevant holes in an OP with an air of ha!

DynamoKev · 16/02/2021 14:45

@42goingon90

Americans are definitely the worst for not realising they are not the only country.
^this, see also Wikipedia, Linkedin etc
HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 16/02/2021 14:48

Many posters here seem blissfully ignorant of the fact that the internet is a worldwide thing. Yes, this site is based in the UK

This is where you should have stopped typing, had a little think, and hit Back on your browser.

Cadent · 16/02/2021 14:57

Many posters here seem blissfully ignorant of the fact that the internet is a worldwide thing. Yes, this site is based in the UK, but that should be as far as it goes.

The smaller US based forums I regularly post on are still going.

Why don’t you share these US based forums with us so we can see how welcoming and open minded they are to one and all?