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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws want to break lockdown rules.

33 replies

Kacey2979 · 15/02/2021 14:07

Hi all, I’ve taken covid pretty seriously. Probably more seriously than my relatives who are more likely at greater risk than me but anyway.

Mil is in her early 60’s. She lives with her husband and 2 of their grown up children. They live pretty close by. We seen them at Christmas but not since. Well dp has been over there and chatted from the outside a few times as he works just Up the road from her. Even before covid it was not unusual not to see them for a few weeks at a time. She works full time as does her husband and so do we. Finding time we were all free was hard.

Anyway, she’s texted and invited us over to dinner this weekend for her birthday. Dp told her that we aren’t really allowed. We will drop a card and a little gift over of course but we are not going in. Maybe she can see dc from a distance when they are in the car or something.

She was very dismissive saying that the cases are low here and we could form a support bubble. I told her that we do not meet the criteria for one. Quite frankly I’m fed up of some people using the term support bubble when they don’t meet the criteria for one!!

Dp is in a huff cos he wants to take dc. I told her that it’s a risk I’m not willing to take. His siblings don’t follow the rules at all and constantly mix with people, parties, travelling to other areas. On that alone it’s a no.

They are very dismissive of the virus but I’m not the bad guy for putting my foot down.

To add, I’m grieving a loved one who died and It wouldn’t feel right that I would be spending time with the in laws when I can’t even see my own family.

If they could just hold on a few weeks until April. Maybe lockdown will ease and the better weather means we’ll be able to go over into their garden like we did last summer a few times.

Aibu to just put my foot down and refuse? I’m certainly not going and I don’t want dp to take the children over.

Surely I’m being unreasonable?

To make it worse they both have health problems which make them somewhat vulnerable but I feel they are more of a risk to us as they just don’t give a shite!

Always made to feel like the bad guy 🤦

OP posts:
stackemhigh · 15/02/2021 14:10

Surely you must know you're not being unreasonable? It's month 11!

murbblurb · 15/02/2021 14:10

ask MIL and your fuckwit husband what makes them so special that they can ignore the rules.

and if someone has covid (and you don't know) then you may all get it. Even if no-one gets really ill, it is 2 weeks of waiting to see if you''ll be one of those suffocating in hospital.

Original poster
Kacey2979 · 15/02/2021 14:20

No I know I’m doing the right thing but made t feel guilty. I suffer from anxiety and hate that they think I’m being awkward all the time when realistically I’m just following the rules!

They were similar last year. We seen them in the garden a few times in the summer as it was allowed to some extent. We also seen them at Christmas!

I just feel that if we all stick to the rules now there might be a chance of seeing family in the summer even if it’s outside.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kacey2979 · 15/02/2021 14:21

I mean they were similar as they were always encouraging us to break the rules during the first lockdown and go over - we didn’t! Even around Christmas when we could see them on Christmas Day in our tier they were encouraging to go back over after Christmas - again we didn’t.

OP posts:
Sangria · 15/02/2021 14:27

You're right. I think a lot of people are getting casual because infections are down, but now there's this South African variant that's on the rise and the vaccine is less effective against it. Even those who have been vaccinated won't be fully protected and could also still be passing on the infection. Breaking the rules is irresponsible.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 15/02/2021 14:32

Of course yanbu.

They all sound rather unusually dim tbh, the whole family.

AntiHop · 15/02/2021 14:36

You are right, they are wrong. It is very unfair that they are making you the bad guy. Stick to your guns. There have been many threads like this, so you are not alone.

Laiste · 15/02/2021 14:48

YANBU OP.

I have a feeling we are going to be in the same situation in a week or two.

PIL are breaking the rules with SIL and family and have been all through. BIL and family is sticking to his guns and PIL keep forgetting we are as well and slip into starting to moan about him (like they do when with SIL i suspect) to us and then quickly changing the subject Hmm

Frogartist · 15/02/2021 14:53

Your husband and his mum could go for a walk and have a chat, that's allowed.

Lweji · 15/02/2021 14:55

Your DP told them no, but he is in a huff?

You should stick to the rules and stay at home. Is your DP going? Because if he mixes with his siblings, he is putting your nuclear family at risk, as well as himself.

I see it everywhere, people push boundaries and many eventually regret it, when it's too late.
My own DB and SIL have been lucky that her parents weren't too affected, when one of his children took covid home from school. The GP were still in contact. Hmm

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/02/2021 14:58

No, you are right and it’s against the rules currently. I’m not sure dropping off a card and gift would count as a necessary journey either so I’d have it sent direct as couriers can still work.

Turnedouttoes · 15/02/2021 15:00

You’re not unreasonable. I had to do similar and put my foot down with my MIL, she was insisting on giving DP a hug every time she saw him ffs!

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 15/02/2021 15:02

So you can go to work all day and mix with god knows who but you refuse to go see your in laws ? You stay at home then @Kacey2979 but I would go if this was me

Original poster
Kacey2979 · 15/02/2021 15:02

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

No, you are right and it’s against the rules currently. I’m not sure dropping off a card and gift would count as a necessary journey either so I’d have it sent direct as couriers can still work.
They only live a very short distance away. Dp works up the road from them too. Not worth paying for a courier 😃 birthday is at the weekend so I expect that dp will take it after work on Friday and leave on the step!
OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/02/2021 15:04

@SakuraEdenSwan1

So you can go to work all day and mix with god knows who but you refuse to go see your in laws ? You stay at home then *@Kacey2979* but I would go if this was me
I didn’t realise going to work meant you could break the law Hmm
Original poster
Kacey2979 · 15/02/2021 15:06

@SakuraEdenSwan1

So you can go to work all day and mix with god knows who but you refuse to go see your in laws ? You stay at home then *@Kacey2979* but I would go if this was me
I’m not working currently as dc are off school. I phrased it wrong. Before covid we didn’t see them much as we all worked. But for now I’m off work if that makes sense. I didn’t add that to op. But I usually do work. Anyway..

Working to pay our mortgage is kinda essential!

Dp works with a small group of people that has had zero cases of covid. Social distancing is easy where he works.

But this is going totally off topic.

OP posts:
Chicchicchicchiclana · 15/02/2021 15:06

@SakuraEdenSwan1

So you can go to work all day and mix with god knows who but you refuse to go see your in laws ? You stay at home then *@Kacey2979* but I would go if this was me
Yes, this has always been the case throughout all the lock downs and the more restrictive tiers. Nothing has changed.
SakuraEdenSwan1 · 15/02/2021 15:07

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss funny how the old Covid does not mix in a work place thou eh!Hmm

Woodlandbelle · 15/02/2021 15:07

I am sticking to my guns and while visits and goes into in laws I will let dc go but not go inside especially as there are lots of visitors

I know I am being spoken about for sticking to the rules but we literally are being so careful and don't see the point in creating risks.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 15/02/2021 15:12

[quote SakuraEdenSwan1]@IceCreamAndCandyfloss funny how the old Covid does not mix in a work place thou eh!Hmm[/quote]
It does hence why if you can wfh you are meant to. Not all jobs can though and are needed for the economy, supplies, health etc.

People mixing in private homes benefits no one else but just increases the risk of spread and the burden on the nhs hence it’s not allowed

Work and family visits are nothing alike.

MaLarkinn · 15/02/2021 15:14

I wouldn't be bothered about this at all.

Original poster
Kacey2979 · 15/02/2021 15:17

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss absolutely. I’m off work but dp is working in the workplace and has done throughout this whole thing. Thankfully it’s pretty low risk and there’s been zero cases linked to his work. If we didn’t an income we couldn’t pay the for everything and lose our home. So comparing going to work and mixing is not a fair argument at all! Workplaces are putting safety measures in too. Social distancing, masks, hand washing and sanitising etc etc.

My in laws are mixing with god knows who! I know that the in laws wouldn’t social distance from the children too.

OP posts:
Lweji · 15/02/2021 15:35

So you can go to work all day and mix with god knows who but you refuse to go see your in laws ?

Yes, because that's how you stop the domino effect.
If there is a risk at work, and you get it, it stops at your home, it doesn't continue to your ILs and beyond.
And the same in reverse.

If we want work places to stay open, and children to be in school, we have to limit our social interactions, or at least only when very safe (i.e. for example, meeting outside, at a safe distance, and not mixing at home).

I'm still baffled that some people don't seem to understand this.

Saintflop · 15/02/2021 16:20

Appreciate how you feel OP as my ILs go against guidance every fricking day with their "bubble" of 4 households. Tell them no, if they get in a huff, tell them to fuck off. I've been keeping seeing ILs to door step hellos and upset a lot of them, but I don't care.

Saintflop · 15/02/2021 16:21

Meant to say 'I've been seeing'