Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your recommends on raising boys books?

39 replies

Colorindex · 15/02/2021 08:08

And not the Biddulph one which I think is a load of outdated sexist crap!

Anyone got a good recommends for a book on dealing with pre-teen/ teen boy?? Our 11 year old is driving us nuts with backtalk, negative talk, being too rough with siblings etc. Moodiness.

Generally a sweet, lovely kid so not anything out of the ordinary ( we think) for a boy with puberty around the corner.
But find myself losing it with him more and more and punishments/ consequences are starting to feel like we’re just in a big negative circle of bad behaviour/punishment...

OP posts:
Hammonds · 15/02/2021 08:10

Why do you think it was sexist crap? I’ve not read it just interested. I’ve read the raising girls book by him and thought it was very good.

Original poster
Colorindex · 15/02/2021 08:14

I can’t seriously take advice from someone who thinks children shouldn’t go to nursery and that a child being looked after at home by mum til the age of 5 is the ideal. He also quotes research from the 50s re gender roles, doesn’t seem to understand a lot of that research, and IMHO is incredibly dated in many ideas about the roles of boys and girls.
So - I’m looking for NOT that book.
Anyone read anything that might help with the changes in our pre-teens behaviour?? It can be for both boys and girls if you’ve found one, doesn’t have to be boy specific.

OP posts:
Remmy123 · 15/02/2021 08:15

Your need a book for teenagers not 'boys'

Maybe he is depressed As he can't see friends
Maybe hitting puberty

Sit down and talk to him - forget the book for boys idea

MillieEpple · 15/02/2021 08:15

When i read it there was a lot of emphadis on a homone surge that doesnt actually happen. I believe its bren updated without the surge but the same info.

I dont know a boy specific one OP but I found How to Talk so Teens will listen useful. (Hated the way it was written but the advice was good)

Original poster
Colorindex · 15/02/2021 08:16

And I have tried to read it - was given to us when we had our baby boy by a bloke, who in hindsight has turned out to be one of the most sexist men I’ve ever encountered, and neither of us thought it was credible.
Not saying it doesn’t probably have some useful still, it’s just it’s hard to know which bits to trust or not.

OP posts:
Remmy123 · 15/02/2021 08:17

Does he spend too long on fortnite?

My son didnt react well to being I that game for too long and behaviour was awful but it sorted itself out

Original poster
Colorindex · 15/02/2021 08:18

@Remmy123 yeah, I did say that, and we have talked to him.
Just looking for some general advice on how to deal with the moodiness etc.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 15/02/2021 08:19

I’ve heard it suggested in Raising Boys he suggests boys are inately rough-and-tumble etc which is really odd as in Raising Girls he says quite the reverse, that those pressures are socially applied and here’s how you counter them. Delusions of Gender is recommended by him as further reading. Of course when he came on MN to discuss Raising Girls he was torn a new arsehole and for suggesting girls’ behaviour was inately gendered (the reverse of what he said in the book) and told he’d benefit from reading Delusions of Gender! Poor man...

OlmostOlwyn · 15/02/2021 08:20

Oh, sorry. I didn't realise it's still not released!

Original poster
Colorindex · 15/02/2021 08:20

@Remmy123 no - gaming time is strictly regulated and he doesn’t play Fortnite or games over 12+ .
Spends a lot of time outside, eats well, strict bedtime etc. So looking for general advice as we just need to get our own heads around the fact he’s at the age where he’s not always going to be a sweet, biddable kids any more.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 15/02/2021 08:21

If your child is older I hear good things about Get Out of My Life (But First Take Me and Alex into Town)

Original poster
Colorindex · 15/02/2021 08:22

@OlmostOlwyn thanks though, I’ll pre-order it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Colorindex · 15/02/2021 08:22

@Longtalljosie thanks

OP posts:
Showers3 · 15/02/2021 08:25

Brainstorm by Siegel and Byron

BertieBotts · 15/02/2021 08:29

It's not a boy specific one but the Biddulph title always makes me think of Raising Human Beings by Ross Greene. Very simple book, only one tool in it really but a very powerful and well explained one. I have used it with my 12yo boy :)

BertieBotts · 15/02/2021 08:31

I got get out of my life but I'm not finding it especially enlightening tbh. A bit baffled why it gets such rave reviews on MN. Maybe it only makes sense once your child is actually a teen!

TheSandgroper · 15/02/2021 08:32

Anything by Maggie Dent.

Also the late Celia Lashlie - they both have books and podcasts.

Ian Lillico (comes highly recommended by my Mum)

OlmostOlwyn · 15/02/2021 08:50

This article doesn't tell you exactly what you should be doing, but gives a bit of explanation why kids behave the way they do (so you might adjust your responses/punishments).

sarahockwell-smith.com/2021/01/25/ten-things-every-parent-should-know-about-raising-tweens/

Original poster
Colorindex · 15/02/2021 08:51

@TheSandgroper thanks!

Also would like podcast or article recommends, quite happy not to read while books on this stuff... have also given the boy decent books on puberty, aimed at boys/girls his age, which he has deffo looked/through or read.

OP posts:
Original poster
Colorindex · 15/02/2021 08:53

@OlmostOlwyn thanks. DP and I both came from loving but super strict homes so am a bit worried that our expectations are a bit high and the punishments/ consequences too harass sometimes. Probably would have helped if one of us had parents who didn’t go through the roof at rudeness or back chat...

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 15/02/2021 09:13

My experience only and not advice from a book, but teenage boys firstly need space to deal with their feelings, when they do have strong emotions then they can express them quite explosively, so you need to learn not to react to this but give space for them to calm down and then discuss with them what is going on. Pick your battles, always. Rudeness is not acceptable but being not very chatty is, all teenagers are like this. Nearly all of us get fed up with it but learn to stay calm, know your boundaries but also be prepared to relook at them as ds gets older.

pumpkinpie01 · 15/02/2021 09:16

I haven't read any books on raising boys but I have had 2 teenage boys and the teenage years can be very tough. Their brains haven't quite matured and whilst they want to be treated like adults they certainly don't behave like adults. We have a child therapist in the family who says don't sweat the small stuff , and offer advice without criticism. If you are too strict they won't come to you with any problems they may have created for fear of punishment.I used to despair of mine at times , many times actually , but they have turned into great young men whom I'm very proud of.

Original poster
Colorindex · 15/02/2021 09:24

Specifically asked re boys as it’s the boy who’s the issue at the moment. I’m well aware that DDs may be exactly as much of an issue when the time comes, and possibly in exactly the same ways...

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread