Twat with the bins

[PoorMissDior]

So my sister is a single parent with 3 kids. She lives next door to an older couple. At first the man couldn't be nicer. Would take her bins in, mow her front lawn when he did his etc.

Recently he's turned and become downright nasty. My sister doesn't understand why. She asked him outright - thinking it might have something to do with the children / noise or whatever. But he shrugged like a child and said there was nothing wrong. However his behaviour is now really starting to get to her (I.e. when her little boy accidentally kicked the ball against the fence and then said sorry, the neighbour replied 'you will be')

What he's been doing lately is really pathetic but because she's feeling so upset and anxious about life in general its really getting to her. Each week he gets ALL of the other neighbours bins in (even though they don't need the help) and will purposely make a point of leaving hers out there.

It's really starting to upset her as she feels she's being singled out and doesn't understand why.

I've tried helping her to gain some perspective on this by saying how sad it is that someone obviously has nothing better going on in their lives than to try and intimidate a single mother by using a bloody bin!! But nevertheless it is bothering her.

What would you do in this situation?

Sounds pathetic (your sister). She doesn't need help getting her own bin in. Why does she care if the old man doesn't like her. He has probably got sick of the kids noise during lockdown.

An old man not doing her a favour by getting her bin in isn't intimidating her OP.......

Whst else does he do that upsets her
Why does she even need help with her bin.

Get in there first and bring EVERYONE'S bin in for them?

I get all of our neighbours bins in if I’m in. Take parcels in. Washing of it rains. Etc. We all do if we are about.

Not the next door neighbour though.

For reasons far too many to mention.

But could just be condensed to bunch of cahnts.

Huh? She feels intimidated because someone doesn't bring her bin in I think she needs a hobby

Jeez - whether she needs help out is hardly the point is it?! He is passively aggressively making a statement regarding his dislike of her.

Combined with his comment to the child it’s obvious he has an issue but he is too pathetic to behave like an adult an use his words.

OP your sister needs to reframe her thoughts on this: he is a sad, petty man. She should rise above it.

The absolute best way to get past this is nod and smile, wave and smile, kill them with kindness. Always a big smile and wave or say hello. Get everyone's bins in, including his. Always ask if they need anything at the shops when you're going. Then laugh to yourself about how pathetic they are. Be a strong independent woman and keep her head up. Above all, ignore the pettiness!

I’d do nothing
He is just being childish

Thank you so much to those of you who have understood what I was saying and have responded with really helpful comments. I appreciate it thank you!

Well if he won’t say she’ll just have to get over it .
Perhaps it was something petty like she brought her own bin in one day but not his .
It must be bin related
2 options

1. tell her to bring all the bins in except his or maybe bring his bin in . 2)Or do nothing and not worry about it .

Some mean posters here today. She didn't say her sister needed help did she? She's asking fo advice about the miserable old man and his behaviour.

She may not like his behaviour but she's best to ignore it.

I agree with PPs. Tell you sister and her children to be super nice to him. He's singling her out and being passive aggressive. For everyone saying "what's the big deal?" - it might not be a big deal for you, but it obviously is upsetting OP's sister.
Is the man married? Could your sister talk to his wife to try and find out if anything's happened to offend him?
He sounds like a mean man. I'd just ignore him and get on with it, but I can see why your sister would be upset. Or at the very least confused!

None of us know why he’s suddenly turned. Unless he has MH issues, I doubt he would turn from being super helpful to not helping at all without a reason. If he was deliberately doing something like throwing rubbish into her garden, or playing the TV loud, then just because he’s not doing something that he’s not obliged to do anyway, your sister should just get on with her life. I don’t expect my neighbours to do anything for me - I’m polite and civil, but other than that I just get on with stuff.

She has done something to annoy him but he doesn't want to say. He's probably extra cranky at the moment like everyone else. Let him do his thing with the bins, it doesn't really affect her.

Has the little boy perhaps been kicking the ball against the fence more than one and has in fact turned into a nuisance which the neighbour is at the end of his tether with?

There really is no way of knowing if he won't say, so your sister just needs to get on with things.

Get in there first and bring EVERYONE'S bin in for them?

I would do this.

Used to be over-friendly and helpful to a single neighbour, now going out of his way not to be helpful. There's a possibility his wife thinks he fancies your sister and has had words.

@SheldonesqueIsUnwell you take washing in if it rains?

I need to know more about this. Do you keep it until they call for it, do you put it back if it stops raining, do you have separate baskets or mix everyone's together. How do you remember who's is whose?

[quote MrsBrunch]@SheldonesqueIsUnwell you take washing in if it rains?

I need to know more about this. Do you keep it until they call for it, do you put it back if it stops raining, do you have separate baskets or mix everyone's together. How do you remember who's is whose?[/quote]
One of our old neighbours used to do that for us. It was a bit annoying as I liked to leave it out until it dried, never worried about spiders and their willies or it being darked on 😉 But it was done with good intentions so I never said anything.

It sounds as though he's behaving like a child, and I don't think it's difficult to understand why your DS feels upset by it, since he treats all the other neighbours differently - it's very pointed, and probably has been noticed by the other neighbours too.

Ultimately I think she'll need to try to just ignore it, though. As long as her conscience is clear then there's really nothing more she can do. Some people are just idiots, and we have to try to rise above them and get on.

How elderly? Any chance of onset dementia? I'd be upset by this too. It's so much better to live in harmony with your neighbours. Can your sister maybe have a word with his wife OP? Explain she's at a loss to know what, if anything, she's done to upset him and can it be resolved?

Getting all bins in before him etc is just pa and not the answer IMHO

Can I offer another perspective? You say he previously was very helpful to her - did she ever return the favour? Is he annoyed that the kindness is all one way?

I would find this uncomfortable too. I wouldn't bother being overly nice to him - I would ignore him unless he spoke like that again to my child or me.

The bin thing is pathetic on his part.