Twat with the bins

[PoorMissDior]

So my sister is a single parent with 3 kids. She lives next door to an older couple. At first the man couldn't be nicer. Would take her bins in, mow her front lawn when he did his etc.

Recently he's turned and become downright nasty. My sister doesn't understand why. She asked him outright - thinking it might have something to do with the children / noise or whatever. But he shrugged like a child and said there was nothing wrong. However his behaviour is now really starting to get to her (I.e. when her little boy accidentally kicked the ball against the fence and then said sorry, the neighbour replied 'you will be')

What he's been doing lately is really pathetic but because she's feeling so upset and anxious about life in general its really getting to her. Each week he gets ALL of the other neighbours bins in (even though they don't need the help) and will purposely make a point of leaving hers out there.

It's really starting to upset her as she feels she's being singled out and doesn't understand why.

I've tried helping her to gain some perspective on this by saying how sad it is that someone obviously has nothing better going on in their lives than to try and intimidate a single mother by using a bloody bin!! But nevertheless it is bothering her.

What would you do in this situation?

@TheCatThatGotTheCream

Has the little boy perhaps been kicking the ball against the fence more than one and has in fact turned into a nuisance which the neighbour is at the end of his tether with?

There really is no way of knowing if he won't say, so your sister just needs to get on with things.

Yes agree. Even if it is this, the sister has given him an opportunity to tell her. If he's not willing to say what's bothering him, she can't do anything to sort it out

It might not be anything your sister has or has not done. In my road we have a neighbour, an older man, who used to be quite normal (perhaps a little eccentric) but has gradually become more and more bizarre in his behaviour over the last 3 or 4 years (I think he is bipolar and not taking his medication). He is quite aggressive at times and picks quarrels where there aren't any, imagines all sorts of slights, etc. It could be your sister's neighbour is just exhibiting the beginnings of a problem with his mental health.

None of us know why he’s suddenly turned. Unless he has MH issues,

As someone with diagnosed mental health issues it really pisses me off when it's the MN 'go to' diagnosis / excuse for bad behaviour or someone being a twat.

@iklboo

Out of 23 (I think) responses, only 3 of us have suggested a possible explanation for being mental health issues - the others have made other suggestions. Therefore, I don't think you can call it the MN 'go to' diagnosis.

And, with a neighbour whose behaviour has gone from reasonable, by degrees, to extremely bizarre, I feel qualified to suggest MH might very well be a factor.

Washing bins in sheds.

Popped in there as required 😄

She will feel instantly a million times better the day she realises that other people’s behaviour towards her are very very rarely about her and their opinions of her are none of her business. She’ll feel light and free and be able to happily go about her life giving not a single fuck whether some arsehole neighbour likes her or not. It’s an amazing feeling.

And only if the washing is dry and it rains unexpectedly. Left out if lost cause/raining the rest of the day - taken in if only spitted on 😊

Get in there first and bring EVERYONE'S bin in for them?

This, including his.

Best thing to do from here on in is completely ignore him. Dont say hello or make eye contact just ignore at all times.

I used to be friendly with a lady in her 60s next door. I always made a point to stop and chat. She seemed nice enough but a little anxious. Anyway weve got 3 kids too and the oldest one is a bit loud. She requested that i dont let him outside in the garden before school (i used to just for 15 mins in the summer). I said sorry but its our garden and its a weekday so he can use the garden. After that and other occasions where a gate has been banging in the wind she used to keep coming to me with complaints and be very moody. The next time id see her shed want to be friendly. I couldn't take the mood swings in the end and once covid started and homeschooling i decided the best thing was to completely ignore her. Never make eye contact anymore or small talk. Its much more peaceful and has become routine now. When i move i wont initiate contact with the neighbours and will stick with just a passing "hello"/ "Morning".

I totally get the bin thing! My neighbour used to do mine and also does the other near by neighbours... I didn’t need her to or ask her to but she did it right from when we moved in. I chat to her when I see her popping to the shop, make a point of not letting the little one be too noisy in the garden... but one day she just stopped doing our bin!! It doesnt impact our lives at all, I’m a big girl and can bring my own bin in.. but why did she stop? What did I do? It definitely bugs me!!

Also you can get foam footballs off amazon! They are much better for gardens

@Justcallmebebes

How elderly? Any chance of onset dementia? I'd be upset by this too. It's so much better to live in harmony with your neighbours. Can your sister maybe have a word with his wife OP? Explain she's at a loss to know what, if anything, she's done to upset him and can it be resolved?

Getting all bins in before him etc is just pa and not the answer IMHO

Dementia was my first thought too. We noticed a change of personality in my dad before he was diagnosed. Would it be worth having a chat to his wife to see if there's been any other personality changes? Getting help early on can be a very good thing for her.

Tell her to shit in his bin