To beg you to help my baby sleep?

[Anni3getyourgun]

Just a plea for help/ideas to try!

DS is 11 weeks old, so I know 4th trimester etc, but things are getting worse not better and he’s nearly 3 months old now.

He just will not be put down at night! I know, I know, classic problem. But it’s 3am and I’m sat up holding him again. DH did the first part of the night, again mostly holding him from 9ish until 12, then fed him (formula), he went into his bed for an hour or so then wakes up screaming until rocked back to sleep and held again. I’ll feed him again soon when he’s awake, and he may sleep for a bit, but I guarantee only for 30 mins-1 hour before he wants picking up.

He has infacol and gripe water. We’ve tried white noise. He doesn’t seem to be cold or in pain. I’m happy to co-sleep safely but that doesn’t seem to help unless he’s held.

He naps well in the day (though usually held/in pram etc, v occasionally can put him down but that’s not a problem as he can go in the sling and we can get on with life!) So I’m sure he’s not overtired.

He used to sleep between 3-4 hourly feeds but this has been going on a week or so now. DH works a few night shifts each week and doing this while also looking after our toddler nearly finished me off!

Anyone been through similar and baby just grew out of it? When? Or any bright ideas we can try?

We have DD (2) as well who will be up at 6am and need entertaining, so we could use any help we can get! Thank you!

Thank you! Will try hot water bottle and smell of us. Had a Ewan with DD and it was useless, but will see if we kept him!

Maybe sleeping bag in time might help (minimum weight needed) ?
Sympathies OP, sleep deprivation is so hard!

He might have reflux?

@orangejuicer he’s been in a sleeping bag since birth as he was 9lb 15. Weighs 16lb now, great big fatty! Tried swaddling in the early days too but to no avail.

Thought big babies slept better!

@Fullofthejoysofspring I don’t think he has any symptoms - never sick etc. What would it look like for the uninitiated? He’s v v windy...

I am sorry your are going through this. Sleep deprivation is not fun and I totally understand how all consuming this must feel.

I went through the same with my DD. Does your baby cry in the car, in the pram etc? My DD used to do this and looking back I just feel that she was a high needs baby that needed a lot of physical contact.

I tried white noise too but nothing really worked. She did eventually sleep next to me in the bed I think that’s your best bet for now, just trying to gradually move her off you and sleep with her next to you in the bed.

We’ve been through phases where she will sleep in her cot - she’s nearly 2 - but she always ends up wanting to come back in with me. All babies are different and I really do believe that some need more physically from their caregivers than others.

I hope you find something that works and gets you some rest. Just know that it will get easier.

Have you tried the hush-pat method? Rhythmically pat back or front while shushing loudly. They can't think about more than two things at once and fall asleep. The technique was in The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. DS was very hard to get to sleep but this technique worked instantly for us and was life changing. I wish we'd known about it from the start. Top tip: you can record your shushing on the sleephero app and it plays it back or it has a shush setting. Much less labour intensive.

@Aquariussuns it’s weird - he’s very settled and chilled during the day, doesn’t cry in the car or the pram.

DD would scream bloody murder in both, and most of the day, but then she slept at night. I seem to have two completely opposite children. Not sure which is harder! Though her sleep went to pot at 6 months and we co slept a lot after that.

Yes that’s what we’re mostly doing - sliding him off us onto the bed once he’s fast asleep. But he doesn’t stay asleep long once he’s off a warm body.

Thankfully we know it won’t last because DD is now 2.5 and a total joy, but was hard work until 18 months. Ugh!

@Stringervest he goes to sleep ok with a bit of rocking, just wakes up after a while of being put down. And then screams until picked up and rocked again. I don’t even think he could hear me shushing over the racket he makes but I can try!

You need to shush REALLY loudly. Easier to get the app and turn it up loud tbh as it's exhausting. It may not work if he's going down then getting back up but suggest you try it and continue it for 15 min after he falls asleep to give him the chance to get into deep sleep.

Ah, I see, will look at that then!

Yes to the other poster who mentioned reflux! Silent reflux wouldn't see vomiting, but would present as very windy, arching during feeds and unable to sleep unless held. Worth considering. My HV diagnosed it when she observed a feed and getting it controlled was a game changer

@Pugsley87 I did wonder about silent reflux. How do they treat that? If at all?

So the treatment pathway has changed slightly but broadly: gaviscon or an anti reflux formula depending on feeding method. Then if that isn't effective onto a med like ranitidine (which I think has been withdrawn) or omeprazole. In our experience the gaviscon was useless but the meds a game changer! I did have to advocate forcefully that they listened and it wasn't acceptable to have a child in this level of unmanaged pain. The meds for us were only short term, tapered reduction and gone in about 3 months. Hope that helps!

Hi OP, I read a LOT of baby sleep books to get both of mine to sleep better. One thing I remember is a theory that whatever the environment the baby falls asleep in (nipple in mouth, being rocked, patted) is what they want and if they suddenly wake up - que panic and wailing because it’s gone. So id be wary of making too many ‘crutches’ that the baby needs to fall asleep. It sounds like for his daytime naps he needs movement (sling, buggy). To be honest if work first on daytime naps and getting him to sleep in a cot or basket without needing movement or being patted. It will take time, make sure to allow him to cry or grizzle for a couple of mins before intervening. It’s hard but sometimes they need to have a grizzle before sleeping (not saying to let him scream for half an hr). Just keep trying and eventually they get it. What worked for mine was making the cosiest warm environment to sleep in, my daughter slept on a sheepskin in her cot and I also put a rolled up towel in a horse shoe shape under the cot sheet so it felt like she wasn’t flailing around in a big cot. Oh and I did use white noise, takes them a while to get used to it and find it a trigger for sleep.

Mr daughter has silent reflux, would nap better in the day, but not really lying down, and was pretty grumpy all the time. Her symptoms were making weird chokey noises when sleeping and squirming around, before eventually fully waking. Plus her breath smelt. It was awful.

Sorry if I've missed this - have you got a next to me crib? I always swore I get one of I had another child.

Thanks @Pugsley87 that’s really helpful. Was your DC unsettled during the day too? DS isn’t really, it’s just at night...

Is baby swaddled? Or is he too close to rolling? Do you use white noise (playing loudly!)? Does baby have a dummy?

Agree that it's often the finding themselves somewhere different to where they feel asleep that freaks them out - it would freak me out tbh. Could work on getting them used to falling asleep without cues in the day but it is HARD WORK in my experience- depends on the temperament of your baby though yours might be fine.

We tried going the hard way with leaving to cry for 2 mins, soothe with shush pat, leave etc for our baby who only ever napped in the sling but suffice to say it did not go well at least at that age (ours went through the four month sleep regression early and sounds like your lo might be similar?). Tried it again at 6 months for naps and it was totally different, worked like a charm - I do think there is an element of being developmentally ready to self soothe and some reach it earlier than others.

Have you tried the sneaky sneaky catchy monkey approach? I started with lo asleep on me, then gradually lowering myself down to the mattress whilst still cuddling, then us both lying on the mattress but still cuddling. Then when they stir they are still nice and warm in your arms - but also IN THE BED! If they get used to the feeling of being on the mattress but without the panic of mummy's arms disappearing that can help? It's also safer than the risk of you falling asleep whilst sitting up. Then over a few nights make the cuddle looser, then eventually straight on mattress but still right next to you, then gradually a few inches away, then gradually in the next to me?

Just a thought but with my stubborn little mule we often have more success (and less heartbreak!) going in tiny steps, although obviously it takes longer.

Thanks @Mincepiesallyearround - I’m going to revisit the white noise and try to relax the rocking a bit. It’s hard because with DD to look after as well I just need him to nap, so I do it in the quickest way possible, which is sling or buggy!

@Iris27 we don’t have a next to me, but he comes into my bed literally next to me, so same thing I think. He hasn’t got as many symptoms as your DD, but he dies flail around and wake himself. Breath smells fine though and he’s generally not a grump, just screams at night!

@3WildOnes we tried swaddling and he hated it. He has a dummy and repeatedly spits it out! I wish he’d get on board with it, it was a godsend for DD. Going to revisit white noise!

@Anni3getyourgun

Thanks *@Pugsley87* that’s really helpful. Was your DC unsettled during the day too? DS isn’t really, it’s just at night...

So daytime was much much better than at night! I think partially because he was much more likely to be partially upright for periods naturally whereas at night he was pain flat for prolonged periods. Also I vaguely remember the HV suggesting nights were worse because the acid was accumulating? I might have misremembered that point though! Sending you lots of virtual positive energy: it's bloody hard!

@Jennyz123 ooh that’s interesting about the 4-months regression early. He was born a few days late so is old for his age. DD was the same - couldn’t put her down for naps until nearer 5/6 months, then she took to it fine. So I’m not too bothered about his day naps as I’m hopeful that’ll come in time.

Might have to try that sneakier approach to putting him down.