To beg you to help my baby sleep?

[Anni3getyourgun]

Just a plea for help/ideas to try!

DS is 11 weeks old, so I know 4th trimester etc, but things are getting worse not better and he’s nearly 3 months old now.

He just will not be put down at night! I know, I know, classic problem. But it’s 3am and I’m sat up holding him again. DH did the first part of the night, again mostly holding him from 9ish until 12, then fed him (formula), he went into his bed for an hour or so then wakes up screaming until rocked back to sleep and held again. I’ll feed him again soon when he’s awake, and he may sleep for a bit, but I guarantee only for 30 mins-1 hour before he wants picking up.

He has infacol and gripe water. We’ve tried white noise. He doesn’t seem to be cold or in pain. I’m happy to co-sleep safely but that doesn’t seem to help unless he’s held.

He naps well in the day (though usually held/in pram etc, v occasionally can put him down but that’s not a problem as he can go in the sling and we can get on with life!) So I’m sure he’s not overtired.

He used to sleep between 3-4 hourly feeds but this has been going on a week or so now. DH works a few night shifts each week and doing this while also looking after our toddler nearly finished me off!

Anyone been through similar and baby just grew out of it? When? Or any bright ideas we can try?

We have DD (2) as well who will be up at 6am and need entertaining, so we could use any help we can get! Thank you!

Babies that age often don't sleep well.

Rather than try to adjust baby, adjust your expectations and lifestyle for now. Your partner needs to help more. You need to reduce your standards with regards to the house etc. And accept these months are notoriously hard, it's all part and parcel of newborn life.

Have a look at ‘the little ones sleep program’ we started using it after nightmare nights and days, it provides guides on nap times, awake times etc and it took a few months but it really started to work and at 3 years old now he still sleep amazingly and I believe it due to following that program

@HighSpecWhistle
DH is not the problem - he does exactly half when he can - he had baby last night from 9pm-2.30am while I slept; I took over then. I got 30 mins sleep in that time and he got about the same in his half of the night.

But he can’t do much when he’s on late shifts or night shifts, that’s down to me!

I really don’t have high standards regarding the house, but I do need to be able to function to look after my older daughter, so this thread is really looking for practical advice. I’ve had a newborn before, I get it, we’re doing our best to just survive, but if anyone can help recommend something, that’s what I’m interested in.

Thanks @JellybeanMama I looked into that with DD too when her naps were terrible. Will look again. DS is actually a good napper though, he just seems to be clingy at night.

Agree with working on midday nap first - you aren’t so desperate then!

We did hot water bottle in cot, bag and swaddle, feed in dark, remove hot water bottle + spread T-shirt onto mattress, swaddled baby onto T-shirt, hand firmly onto chest and shush.

Good luck!

I had 4 good sleepers, whether that was down to good luck, good routine, good management I don’t know. They all slept through at different ages though so I’m guessing each little ones body and needs are very different.

Dd2 was awful initially, just screamed constantly - day and night. Eventually I learned th listen to my baby and not professionals and books. I knew dd needed to be on her tummy. I caved and went against everyone’s advice and put her on her tummy day and night. Oh my goodness what a game changer - she literally went from screaming blue murder to calm sleepy as soon as I turned her onto her front. She’s in her 20’s now and still can only sleep on her front. I remember apologetically telling my lovely HV that dd now slept on her front - I will never forget her kind smiling face and words when she said ‘she’s your baby, you know her best, some just know how they need to be’. 🤗

Ds1 was a very small baby and by 12 weeks old needed baby rice in his nighttime bottle - probably not the done thing now. But he slept every single night from that night onwards.

My only advice is to do what you feel is right for your baby, even if it’s not what books or professionals teach us - one size doesn’t fit all.

@KingscoteStaff thank you! He’ll actually go into his cot and sleep ok, he just wakes up after an hour and screams! But definitely going to try the t-shirt trick. And a firmer hand on chest!

@Frazzledbutcalm thank you, I appreciate your advice. I was a front sleeper as a baby but I think I’d be lynched for trying it now!

Ok practical advice if it is reflux, I got told to tilt the moses basket, but I don't know how you'd do that if the child is in bed with you. Also rolled up holey blankets (can't remember the poper name!) as a sort of cocoon around the baby. Although be aware of what is safe or not (this is 6 years ago for me so advice might have changed)

It's so difficult as reflux babies really struggle with sleeping on theirs backs but obviously that is the safe sleeping position.

We only used the gaviscon. I think the main indicator for reflux is I just knew my baby wasn't comfortable, no not just a whingy baby but actually seemed in pain.

After the reflux settled, that was a whole other ball game and we used an approach like the sneaky monkey one, basically small steps but you have to be consistent with it.

Oh you coild try a different dummy if you've not yet? I know some babies only take to a particular brand. Something unh you could look into. Trying to think of anything as I know iw what hell it can be

@Anni3getyourgun This helped as well - DS just preferred being on his side and this Velcro thing stopped me fretting he would roll into his tummy. Although like Frazzled’s DD, that’s what he definitely wanted!

anni ... he’s your baby ... try/do what you want for him. Who exactly will lynch you? If your ds is uncomfortable only you can discover why and help him. Books and professionals don’t live with you or have practical experience of your lovely baby.

If hes very windy it could be a reaction to the cows milk in the formula

He probably just wants to be near you. Eleven weeks is still so tiny.

Agree to an extent with anni - part of my sneaky monkey approach included starting with dd on her side because that's often where she fell asleep (bf so feeding in side lying). It is a small increased risk and I knew that but it is much much less risky than me falling asleep with her on my chest, which was far more likely when she wouldn't sleep any other way without waking every 45 mins. By using the sneaky approach I gradually started putting her more on her back once she was used to being on the mattress, so the increased risk was probably for a few days/maybe a week and a bit. It also transpired my little one did have silent reflux and ended up on ranitidine eventually so it doesn't surprise me now how much she hated being on her back initially. It's up to each mum to assess the risk but my incredibly wise lactation consultant (ex nhs midwife of 25 years) pointed out that you need to weigh up the risk of the options available to you, not those that aren't - that really resonated with me. For me the available options were baby asleep on my chest all night or baby on side, so I took the less risky one and gradually worked towards the even less risky approach until that was a viable option too.

Have tried a couple @Iris27 but can’t hurt to try another! Appreciate the suggestions!

Sorry, meant agree with frazzled!!

@Sheleg yes we’re aware he’s tiny, we’re very aware he wants to be with us. I’m very sympathetic to this, completely understand. And I know he’ll grow out of it. Doesn’t change the fact I’m trying to look after him and his sister on about 3 hours sleep some nights and am asking nicely for practical ideas to try to get us all some more rest.

Oh and dc4 .. fir a couple of weeks he slept tucked up in his car seat by the bed .. loved it and he slept beautifully. Think he like the scrunched sitting position 😂 After each feed in the night I would put him somewhere different as obviously didn’t think sitting in a car seat for 8 hours or so was healthy, but he was always most content in his car seat.

It really is trial and error and doing what is right for you.

Dd I mentioned above also wouldn’t have a dummy. She’d either refuse it or spit it out, then would scrunch her Moses basket sheet and suck that! I used to be forever removing it from her mouth and it would literally be a 2-3” long twisted cone! 😲 ... I gave up removing it after weeks of persevering, I was literally fighting a losing battle. She was only weeks old at this point, she used to do things no baby should be even capable of doing!