Hi, I'll try to keep this brief as otherwise it'll go on for ages.
I was close friends with someone at work, we always said we've be eachother MOHs when the time comes. We both now get married this year and have asked each other to be MOH. I asked a year ago. I have since left the company.
Since I asked, she doesn't really speak to me. She has always been like this with others but it has got worse. Doesn't respond to texts, doesn't put effort in etc. just expects friends to always be there...
Her fiancé is a horrible man and whilst there's elements of coercive behaviour from him, this isn't what is primarily causing her to be a shit friend. She has been able to make effort with other friends (I know this thanks to Instagram)
There is no debate that she is a bad friend and I have posted before. Everyone told me I was a mug and to get rid.
Well, my wedding is this summer (I am pretty confident it will go ahead as it is already a 20 people event) and I have made the decision I definitely do not want her as MOH. She isn't coming on my hen (her choice - no reason/apology given except that her other half doesn't allow her to do these kinds of things but she has been on other peoples), she hasn't helped organise my wedding/helped in any way, so the only thing that makes her MOH is by name.
To make things worse, I've realised I don't want either of them at my wedding full stop. It isn't close to where we live so I doubt she would want to come now anyway, but it's an expensive wedding with guest limitations (we chose a very specific and small venue) meaning they are taking the place family or other better friends could take. I would consider inviting just her but I know her and fiancé come as a package. She would be more offended if I just invited her than if I uninvited them both.
I've drafted a text which basically shows how shit she's been and gets to the point. I've had multiple people proof it for me, including my therapist. I went to send it but found out she's on sick leave. I called to ask if she's ok, she said she's fine and will call me back at the weekend. She never called. I don't want to delay but I am unsure if she's still on sick leave or if something more serious is going on.
My message has a section asking if there's something going on because I am there to talk if so.
So
YABU - she may be ill and it's not the right time to receive a serious message. it doesn't matter that she's treated you like dirt for a year or more.
YANBU - stop being a mug, send the message.