not to want the teacher to give my 5y old dd a lollipop and choccies?

[zzzzoey]

I am new at this primary school parenting thing. presumably this is normal teacher behaviour and I am just a raving healthmanic. I've always tried not to use sweets as bribes or rewards or whatever.

so I put my foot in it with the teacher suggesting something healthier next time. I think I should have kept my mouth shut.

YANBU.

Why did the teacher give her them anyway?

We often give the kids treats after they have an assembly, or SATS or at Christmas. It's usually lemonade and biscuits. It never really occurred to me that a parent would object..

well I think YANBU, but I have to say I haven't been brave enough to mention it at ds's school yet. It was okay when he was in nursery as he hadn't grown out of his food intolerances so they had to check with us about everything. I did get annoyed though when he got given a rice cake once (a plain one too) when everyone else got sweets of some sort. If they'd only let me know I could have brought in something a bit more interesting.

What annoyed me too (perhaps I should start a AIBU thread) was that the school was supposed to be going for 'Healthy School' status, and the nursery was supposed to refuse any requests from parents to hand out choccies etc on kids' birthdays. In reality what happened was that the parents who were good enough to ask, were told not to bring anything. The parents who didn't bother checking and brought along piles of junk anyway were allowed to give it out . I was brave enough to query this, and the nursery staff told me it wasn't fair to tell the parents 'no' when they'd already gone out and bought stuff! Double and too.

I also get annoyed with the number of cake sales our 'healthy' school has. It's about every fortnight, and just try telling your kids (a) you're not going to buy any cakes or (b) when you've given in and bought them, not to eat them until after tea!!!

The frequency of eating sugary things in our house has increased about sixfold since ds1 went to school, and I am not joking. I don't want to be seen as a killjoy, so so far I have kept my mouth shut. I really wonder how many other parents would agree with me if I did raise it, though, because I see many parents bringing sugary snacks for their kids to eat on the way home. I try to bring apples or suchlike and my boys haven't complained about the lack of chocolates yet as they are normally ravenous enough to eat whatever I give them.

the teacher said it was the class reward for reaching 10 on their chart. whatever that means.
I always thought it was a bad idea to link sweet foods with doing well.
bunnyhunny thanks for inside view from school. I dont think I would mind a biscuit every now and again. but I would mind fizzy lemonade.
I try so hard to give kids healthy diet, don't want to be undermined by teacher who I expect her to respect.
and the school is supposed to have signed up to "healthy schools" plan of local council.
but mummypig you are more sensible and have kept quiet. wish I had as have now upset the very nice teacher

what did you say to her?

It wouldn't have bothered me.
I think it is nice for the children to have an occasional treat.

And a healthy diet can include the odd sweet or chocolate.

occaional treat is fine with me too.
My children get sweet or cake at school when another child has a birthday.

Surely your dd will appreciate the difference between home and school, and wont start expecting sweets at home?

I personally dont think the occasional treat is a bad thing either.

So what would be better than lemonade? I am genuinely interested.

I avoided fruit shoots for obvious reasons .

as humphrey says, a healthy diet can have the occasional treat, and I though lemonade and biscuits was quite tame.

not meant to do this anymore under new guidleines....

Agreed that healthy diet can include some sweets/chocolate/whatever, but it should be the parents' decision as to how much and when IMO. The teacher knows pretty much nothing about child's diet so how do they know if the sweets they give are an "occasional treat"?

Biscuits, little boxes of raisins or other dried fruit would be ok, but I agree that food is not really an appropriate reward for children, esp. not at school.

All things in moderation darlings! The odd sweet is not going to hurt (unless they have a specific allergy...) Thankfully our school is pretty relaxed about this sort of thing (but teachers would only hand out sweets themselves at Christmas).

What annoys me are schools where those having school meals get a pudding of some sort every day but those children having packed lunches are not allowed anything sweet at all.

I have to say that parents who object to the handing out of sweets on a child's birthday are KILLJOYS imo. Let them bring in popcorn or homemade biscuits on their own child's birthday if they want but FGS!!!

(PFB's by any chance???)

Stripey mame - but raisins aren't really a treat are they .

And if they aren't being an occasional treat - that is they scoff choccies and bisuits at home all the time - then really that is the parents doing, not the teachers.

I think that yes, there is nothing wrong with treats. The thing is, they add up. There's nothing wrong with them at GP's or for getting a star chart at school, or this time, or that time. And then, you can never give them treats because all these other places are the places that they have treats.

Seems slightly at odds for me with the recent healthy eating push going on in schools.

In my sons school they tried giving grapes as a treat. But it wasnt practical, teachers are far too busy to go the shop every few days to buy grapes.

But the grapes come from the teachers own pocket, so it get quite expensive for them

but kids respond better to sweets than grapes!

thanks all for your thoughts! I am one of those killjoys who hates the thought of sweets handed out in school for treats by teachers or other kids or whoever. why equate treat with sweet? at my friends' kids school they get extra golden time for doing well. but I guess I'll just have to live with it for now

Whatever they give could be considered wrong. Dried fruit is actually really bad for the teeth as the sugers stick to the teeth.

DS has nut and seed allergy, so if the teacher gave a out a healthy snack of nuts , he couldn't have them.

I don't really understand why food has to be given out at all at school. Surely there are other incentives - stickers etc.
I am a bit of a control freak when it comes to my dd's diet (she is worryingly on the 98th centile for her weight) so I wanna know about everything she has had to eat. 3 out of 5 days last week she walked out of school with sweets given out cause it was someones bday.

i think it should be allowed but all the parents should be asked at the beginning of term if it is ok. if anyone objects then an alternative treat should be thought up.

People always justify giving children sweets with 'there is nothing wrong with the occasional treat is there' except in this country it is not occasional - it is continual. I have lived here nearly 20 years and still at the British obsession with sugar. Maybe it does have a lot to do with this link between reward and sweets, as mentioned in OP. I feel I lost the battle with my dcs years ago. Our primary school also give sweets for birthdays (usually really horrid, artificial things on sticks) but when the head sent a letter out asking parents to send in something less tooth-rotting she was totally ignored. Some parents were very rude to her about it too! I make fairy cakes [smug emoticon] hoping that homemade cake is better, being at least actually a foodstuff.

okay GrapefruitMoon I hold my hand up and admit to being a killjoy. But I have two boys so it's nothing to do with trying to protect my precious first born from the wicked world . My ds2 does eat far more sweet things than ds1 used to at his age, but I wish neither of them ate so much junk, to be perfectly honest.

In my ds2's nursery class there are 26 children, so if every parent wants to bring something for their child's birthday that would be roughly once every fortnight that he will be given sweets or chocolates at school. I think that's more than 'the odd sweet' and enough for it to become a habit. Also I've already mentioned that they have cake sales nearly every fortnight as well.

I won't say any more as it could turn into another rant! But for anyone who is interested, there's a bit more about the British attitude to sugar in this recent Guardian article.

Sorry mummypig but lol at the odd sweet once a fortnight becoming a habit!

I've seen my 3 dds come through primary school without a sweet addiction and it's just something nice for the birthday child to do for their classmates especially if they don't have a party. Try not to stress everyone!

must admit, I think plenty of other things can be a treat for children without always bringing sweets into it. My class all shared a mango recently and they thought it was great (maybe depends on how unusual it is - it was very unusual for my lot so it added to the excitement).

Sweets ok occasionally but a bit more imagination can also go down well.

I agree with you - I don't give my dcs sweets- I occasionally allow chocolates (possibly irrationally I think they are preferable to sweets) and I don't really want the school to give them to the children.

My eldest 2 go to a private school (they are in years 2 and 4) and they have a house system there where they get house points for achieving something - all of the children are very motivated by this. Dd2 goes to a state school and seems to be given sweets alot - the teacher has a marble jar and when this is full they get sweets, the other children also bring in sweets for birthdays and there are also regular cake sales. This adds up to sweets too frequently I think.

(and none of my children have had fizzy drinks - I wouldn't really like them to be introduced to this at school tbh, but perhaps I am freaky in this).