Scared

[seriouslywhatajoke]

Hello everyone

I know this is not the right place to post but I just need traffic.

The result of a major exam I wrote last month is going to be released at about 4pm tomorrow. I cannot overstate how terrified I am. I'm a Doctor and have been on nights for the past week, haven't been sleeping at all, been crying a lot (because I'm sure I will not pass the exam, I desperately want to). I have been popping paracetamol for the past week, had to have some G&T today to sleep for about 1 hour.

2020 was extremely rough for me-- anxiety rocketed, self confidence is shit. I just need this little win from life. Quite scared of how I'll cope if I fail; I don't know why I'm hinging so much on this exam.

I'm an immigrant and very socially isolated. Just need some support.

Sorry to bother everyone with my mundane problems but thanks for reading.

Jesus they're not mundane problems.

I've no advice but would give you a hug if I could

Sorry it's so tough, not much to offer but a handhold, hoping for good news for you for tomorrow. Just keep repeating 'Worry won't help, worry won't help' - I have found that does help me with anxiety, even though it can take a while to get through; just use it to push away anxious thoughts.

You’re giving yourself a really hard time on very little sleep - does your hospital trust offer some support services you can access?

Meanwhile, all I can offer is the coping technique I use when my brain is in overdrive and that is to keep saying things like I do not need to think about this right now, I am ok, I’ve got this... literally dilute the negative thoughts.

Good luck with the exam results

The waiting is usually worse than the knowing, even if it isn't the result you wanted. Can you sit again, and if so when, if it's a fail?

Oh dear. Do you have another way to relax even if you can’t sleep (watching a chilled happy film or reading a book).

Fingers crossed it goes well for you.
If not is there another chance to take it.

Sounds like you are putting a lot on pressure on yourself.

Do you have any support either personally from family/friends or professionally at work?

It sounds like you need to sit down and open up to someone about your increasing anxiety and worry and how to manage it.

It must be tough in your role at the best of the times but this last year must have made it so much more difficult

Don't be scared you might just surprise yourself and if you don't pass it is definitely not the end of the world.

I speak as someone who failed MRCP part 1 many moons ago. I understand. You will be fine and will get there eventually. Be well and kind to yourself Xx

Fingers, toes and eyes crossed that you get a good result.

I hope you do well. (When I was waiting for exam results, I'd have red wine lined up for a disappointing result, white wine for, okay, that's alright, and bubbles for boyhowdy, never thought I'd do that good!)

Whatever the result, you did the best you could. Well done for reaching out on here for some support. Those are not minor problems, and you have so much going on. Hang on in there - .

It sounds like you have imposter syndrome and it can make us feel so terrified. But this experience, of feeling this way, will help you in the future when you need to relate to a frightened patient or child. Best wishes for excellent results, and please let us know! 💐

Please try not to worry right now.
If you're a Doctor, you're obviously bright, if you haven't done it this time, can you do it again?

Wishing you all the best.

It sounds like a really stressful time, hoping you get great results tomorrow

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. I don't know if I'm depressed but I'm not doing well at all. I don't have the biological symptoms of depression but I'm extremely sad! I cry every time except when I'm with people. I'm functioning at work okay, even able to crack jokes with colleagues and make sound decisions but I know I'm not happy. I don't know what to do. Sorry.

Could it be exhaustion ?

Poor you

I can relate

Have you a work mental health services

I'll let everyone know what the result says tomorrow. Thanks for the alcohol advice-- I picked up some more gin and wine after work this morning.
I can write it again; last month was my first attempt (hopefully last?)

Will watch a sitcom before heading for work. Thanks again.

You sound so tired out, thank you for coming and working here 👌 Best of luck for your exam results and this is not a mundane problem.

Try not to focus too much on one exam, you are worth far more than that. Look at how much you have achieved to come this far, far more than many people ever will. If you pass, great, if you don't it won't be the end of the world.
I work in Primary Care although I'm not a doctor and I've been in my role for many years. I can promise you that over those years I've seen doctors pass things, fail things, cope with stress brilliantly, struggle to cope and all sorts of things between the extremes but they have all come through it. Don't judge yourself harshly

Is there someone you can reach out to for a bit of support? Even if you haven't got family and friends nearby most NHS workplaces have support available for staff as we are all under pressure at the moment. I suspect that feeling alone is magnifying this in your head.

I have no real words of wisdom but please don't struggle on alone. Have a virtual hug from here

Depression doesn't always manifest as not functioning. It can manifest as total mental exhaustion, physical things like headaches etc etc, general feelings of shame/guilt/low self-esteem, insomnia, all of those things you've described. How would you feel about approaching your GP and talking to them about it?

OP you know, I get that with work sometimes - not exams but big grant applications and large presentations.

From experience - don't drink. Esp if you've been having paracetamol. Find a Yoga With Adriene vid and do some very light yoga and deep breathing. It helps with the tearful feeling.

I have everything crossed for you, op, but I'm sure you've done brilliantly.

You sound very burned out to me, which is no surprised given the current situation. There's no harm in speaking to your GP about your mood - most civilians will do it :)
I'm sorry you're so isolated but if you'd like to chat anytime, please DM me. I'm also feeling on the lonely side atm so plenty of time!

Also, you don't always get physical symptoms of depression. A good test is whether you've had a persistently low mood for over 2 weeks? Your gp could also help with sleep atm, I've been there and a few nights good sleep makes a big difference so please don't hesitate to make an appointment.

Your problems are not mundane

Aw good luck with the exam. But what will be will be.

If you are a Doctor you should be very proud

These aren't mundane problems, exams are very stressful.
Life at present is very stressful particularly for frontline workers.
I maybe wouldn't drink before the results because alcohol could just increase your anxiety.
It is hard being an immigrant anywhere at the moment because travel is so limited and has been for long.
I hope it goes well, but if it doesn't there is always another day.

You sound exhausted and little wonder right now. Good luck for tomorrow but whatever happens with that, please speak to your manager about some leave (I know it's especially hard to take time off right now but you really need a break) and speak to GP and/ or employee assistance. Thank you for the work you do. Please be as kind to yourself as I am sure you are to your patients. Take care

Medical exams suck. It is horrible working and trying to revise - and you did that during a pandemic so you did amazingly well no matter what. I failed the primary FRCA written the first time and was utterly despondent - the first exam I ever failed. Looking back it was a blip and many of the best doctors I know struggled with the exams.

Best of luck for tomorrow OP. Take good care of yourself and reach out in real life for some support. If it doesn't go to plan, then hopefully you can resist it. You sound very stressed and tired but must have been working so hard in the Covid stress. Thank you for everything you do to help others. Just try and also help yourself, reach out, get some support. Take care and best wishes xx

All limbs crossed for you. You sound worn out. Do some mind numbing things to relax - watch a film that's uplifting, take a book to be that's easy to read and fall asleep with.

When I was young my Gran used to say to me: if what you hope for does not happen (e.g. passing exam) "What is the worst that might happen?" and "The world will keep turning."

You are doing the work of so many people at the moment, working in the NHS during a pandemic. Goodness - that is enough for anyone!

I hope very much that the results are as you wish; but remember that, even if they are not, you and the work you are doing right now is very precious to us all and I salute you.