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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's stringing me along now?

42 replies

cookiecrumbles7 · 11/02/2021 18:48

I was dating a man for around 10 months up until we had a serious argument which resulted in us ending things. The argument was my fault which I took full responsibility for and have apologised. He blocked me on all social media apart from WhatsApp. A couple months went by and I decided to reach out and try to make things right as I still had feelings for him. I didn't expect him to reply but he did although they were very short and cold messages I would say. I asked him if he wanted to talk things over at some point to which he said yes. It came across as though he didn't really want to so I asked him if he was sure to which he replied with "yes I'm sure". After our conversation I noticed that he'd unblocked me on all social media and even requested to be friends on Facebook again. We didn't set a date for when we could talk so I've asked him tonight and his response was "weekend maybe". I could be overthinking but he doesn't seem at all interested.

My friend agrees with me and thinks he is stringing me along and has no intention of ever meeting up/sorting things out with me. I feel very confused because that's the feeling I'm getting but the fact he has unblocked me on social media and requested to be friends on Facebook again sends a different message. I feel he is sending mixed signals at this point and I'm holding onto something that isn't there (for him anyway). He doesn't seem the type to play games and I don't think he'd want to purposely hurt me but I'm just not sure why he wouldn't tell me if he's not interested so we can both move on properly. I fully admit I was in the wrong when we argued but I don't think I deserve to be treated this way.

Any advice? Am I being played here?

OP posts:
Original poster
cookiecrumbles7 · 11/02/2021 18:50

Just to add, I'm not sure if it's relevant but he is very very laid back which could explain why he doesn't seem that interested, but perhaps I'm just making excuses for him...

OP posts:
Jasmin3Tea · 11/02/2021 18:54

It seems like he might be, maybe wait to see if he arranges a date? And if no message then I'd leave it. What was the argument about?

Knittedfairies · 11/02/2021 18:55

Leave it for now; don't contact him again. If he's interested he'll reply, if he doesn't you'll at least know where you stand.

ItsJackieWeaverBitch · 11/02/2021 18:58

Honestly cut your losses and block him (on everything) and forget about him. Seems a better bet than constantly wondering when he’s going to grace you with his presence and assuming he’s stringing you along. Don’t know what your argument was about but life is too short for this stuff and I doubt he’s worth this pointless wait.

BigPaperBag · 11/02/2021 19:02

I hate to say it but I think you’re just an ‘option’. Don’t wait around for him, I’m sure you’re better than that.

Flyonthewall01 · 11/02/2021 19:03

How much time has passed between reaching out to him after two months and asking him tonight?

Alexandernevermind · 11/02/2021 19:04

I dont think you are being played as such, because all you have asked for really is a chat, and it sounds as though he has given a shrugged shouldered, yeah whatever kind of reply. He might be guarded after your fall out? As @Jasmin3Tea and @Knittedfairies said, the ball in in his court, if he is interested he will come back to you, if he isn't he won't.

Original poster
cookiecrumbles7 · 11/02/2021 19:07

@Jasmin3Tea I'm a very insecure person after having been cheated on by my ex a few years ago. I was worried he would do the same and so was constantly asking him if he was dating/speaking to other women. I also felt uncomfortable with the fact that he had over a 1000 friends on Facebook/Instagram and most of them were women. I only have around 300 friends on my social media and I know all of them. I couldn't understand why someone would want to have that many people on their social media who they didn't know, it just felt completely unnecessary to me. He said I was controlling and this is what caused the argument.

Looking back now, I don't feel I had anything to worry about and that he was sincere. I made a mistake and I've taken the last few months to work on my insecurities and I do feel better in myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
cookiecrumbles7 · 11/02/2021 19:09

@BigPaperBag I thought this too and this is what I'm worried about. I don't want anyone to be with me out of pity or just because I'm the easiest option.

OP posts:
Shelby2010 · 11/02/2021 19:09

Sounds like he’s not that bothered. Doesn’t mean he’s playing games with you though. Unblocking you means that he’s willing to be social media ‘friends’ it doesn’t necessarily imply he wants a romantic relationship with you again. You sound very intense.

Piffle11 · 11/02/2021 19:10

I read it that he doesn’t want you to presume that all is ok ... like when you might argue with someone - their fault - but still like them, and when they try and sort it out with you: well, you might want to sort it out with them, but you don’t want to seem a pushover. So you’re a bit ‘off’ with them. Keep them wondering and not too complacent. He may be wary. I wouldn’t write it off, but if you meet and he does decide to forgive and forget and try again, make sure that he doesn’t hold it over you, bringing it up to have a go at you. Clean slate. Good luck x

Tal45 · 11/02/2021 19:11

I don't think he's playing you as you've only asked to talk to him, not for a date. He might just want to hear what you've got to say and then be friends rather than romantically involved. I would just see what happens.

LolaSmiles · 11/02/2021 19:11

I would want to tread carefully if a man I'd argued with to the point of a relationship ending and contact being blocked wanted to talk. He might have been genuinely sorry, and I'd be willing to have a chat, but I certainly wouldn't be pursuing him enthusiastically. It would be a "sure we can do coffee" and see what he had to say.

Don't pin all your hopes on him, but don't go chasing after him either. You've made your move and now it's up to him.

TheChip · 11/02/2021 19:15

You only asked if he wanted to talk things through. He has said yes. You've asked if he is sure and he said yes again. He's then unblocked you on things and friend requested you.

Now you think he is possibly stringing you along and not interested in you.

Stringing you along for what? Interested in you how? Because it seems like you have only asked if he wanted to talk things through, which he agreed to. You never asked if he wanted to try again with you.

This could be him just being nice or curious to see what you will say after you have displayed intense jealousy. He might have no intention of letting the conversation going anywhere close to talk of getting back together.

jackieweaverhasauthorityhere · 11/02/2021 19:20

I don't see how he is messing you about OP. You've asked him to talk, he has said yes, I think if you really want to talk the onus is on you to make the arrangements if the argument was your fault.

Original poster
cookiecrumbles7 · 11/02/2021 19:22

@jackieweaverhasauthorityhere easier said than done. I work Mon-Fri with weekends off and no other commitments, however he works shifts and has children so I never know what his schedule is unless I ask, but it sounds like he might be off this weekend.

OP posts:
RichPetunia · 11/02/2021 19:22

I think he sounds fine, it’s you that needs to take a step back. He’s said he’ll meet-up, so take it at that. Your own insecurity could make you too needy which will only put him off. Back off a little.

YouJustDoYou · 11/02/2021 19:25

Sounds like you really.pissed him off, you then came back again a few months later trying to get him to talk to you, he was still pissed off but you sound quite insecure so wouldn't stop and, as with most men, they can't resist the fact someone is desperate for them, so he "let you back in" via unlocking or whatever. You both sound quite young , life is too short for all this immature drama chasing crap, I would bother if I were you. Cut yoir loses, move on, learn from it, work on tour own insecurities.

ChristOnAPeloton · 11/02/2021 19:27

I think you’re expecting too much too soon tbh.

You asked if he wanted to talk. He said maybe this weekend. It’s up to you to come back to him with a day and time IMO. You started this. Don’t expect him to be falling over himself the second you get back in touch.

Original poster
cookiecrumbles7 · 11/02/2021 19:31

@YouJustDoYou he is 34, I'm 25.

OP posts:
FrankButchersDickieBow · 11/02/2021 19:38

I'd leave this in the past. It's going absolutely nowhere.

Royalbloo · 11/02/2021 19:40

I'd just not contact him at all - if the ball is in his court then leave it there. If he doesn't do anything he's not interested.

cantgetmyheadroundit · 11/02/2021 19:44

It could be that he's trying to be nonchalant to make it hard work for you, because you pissed him off. Or it could just be that you pissed him off.

Throckmorton · 11/02/2021 19:46

I would assume the relationship is totally over for him and he thinks you just want to chat so you can clear the air and be friends. I'm not sure how he would know you want to get back together from what you say you've said to him? If you do, you need to be open with him about that.

Ileflottante · 11/02/2021 19:50

I really wouldn’t bother with this OP. He made you insecure at the time, he’ll definitely make you insecure again. And he doesn’t sound even slightly bothered that you’ve got in contact again.

Find someone who doesn’t make you feel shit and who doesn’t make you second guess social media.

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