Fucking neighbourhood WhatsApp.

[AmySosa]

I know I should probably just leave but it’s often useful.

There’s a planning application for some industrial units which will directly negatively impact our whole estate (they want 24hr HGV access metres from our houses). Absolutely I agree that as many of us as possible should be objecting to the proposal.

But one or two neighbours have started posting lists of house numbers that haven’t objected. And then you get a flurry of ‘ooh I’ll speak to 17’, ‘I’ll see if 9 has done it yet’ that kind of thing.

I was on the first list a few days ago and it actually sent me into a bit of a panic. I’m utterly overwhelmed at the moment with homeschooling, studying, 100% responsibility with housework as DH is wfh and I’m furloughed. My mental health is crumbling and this just felt like one more burden to shoulder.

Anyway I did get round to filling out the form a few days ago.

The same neighbour posted an updated list last night and I lost my rag a bit. I was polite but I wrote quite a lengthy message saying that this was bang out of order, that he has no idea what is going on in peoples lives, people will either do it or not in their own time and that it’s admirable to want to galvanise the community but this feels like bullying.

I had a few supportive PMs from other neighbours but I’ve woken up in a cold sweat this morning about it. I might have marked myself as a troublemaker for ever

WIBU? Or overreacting to a neighbour trying to get something done?

I can see where you're coming from, our neighbours have recently started to bring actions to our neighbourhood and whilst its not quite number 17,21 and 29 havent participated yet, I think it'll get to that point.

I can't advise, but I do sympathise.

I left my neighborhood WA late last year. It has changed from a lovely supportive group to a mean-spirited exercise in groupthink, ruled with a rod of iron by the self-styled Queen Bee.

Pressing leave was truly liberating and I don't miss it a bit.

Yeah I should probably just leave. I imagine they all think I’m a loon now anyway, no one else seemed to have a problem with The List.

YANBU. We had a similar situation and I made the mistake of speaking out in a local planning meeting (I'm not an expert, but I have some knowledge of planning rules & regs). I then had unsolicited emails from neighbours (I stupidly gave my email to one of them, who then handed it out to everyone). After months and months (it was a complex application), it culminated in me hiding in the kitchen whilst DH got rid of one neighbour at the door because they didn't take a polite brush-off via email as a 'no'.

Life is a pressure cooker atm and I know I've lost my rag when the day is done work and homeschool and all the stress and responsibility and claustrophobia and then you get some random demand in your email or message, groundless complaint on facebook or my favourite "gentle reminder" - you won't be the first person to snap like this and won't be the last. We can't take on extra jobs or tasks if we are emotionally exhausted. Some people have too much time on their hands pandemic or not and some are running on fumes. I know I am.

I think you should remind your neighbour that planning applications are not decided on the number of objections but the basis of the argument. So if your neighbour has more time than you ,then them writing a comprehensive response as to why the application should be refused would be far more effective .

Ps I am a planning officer

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

I think you should remind your neighbour that planning applications are not decided on the number of objections but the basis of the argument. So if your neighbour has more time than you ,then them writing a comprehensive response as to why the application should be refused would be far more effective .

Ps I am a planning officer

Ooh. I actually didn’t know that and I bet the other neighbours don’t either, or they wouldn’t be putting so much weight onto getting everyone to do it.

I think I’ll point that out.

@AmySosa

Yeah I should probably just leave. I imagine they all think I’m a loon now anyway, no one else seemed to have a problem with The List.

I bet people did but no-one was as brave as you to say it.

Well done

@AmySosa
You’re welcome😊

And when they do ,remind them to read the Development management policies your councils local plan and pick out the ones it contravenes and not to harp on about house prices !
😀

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

And when they do ,remind them to read the Development management policies your councils local plan and pick out the ones it contravenes and not to harp on about house prices ! 😀

😂😂😂

What you said was entirely reasonable and other people must think so too if you've had supportive messages

Also I know this isnt what you asked but surely if you're doing home schooling which if you have any young children is a full time job, plus your own studying then that's pretty much working full time and therefore housework should still be shared? I dont see why working from home and losing a commute etc means that your husband gets a pass out of every single domestic duty...he still lives there and it's not like you're not working, older kids are at school and you're just meeting up with friends for lunch every day!

Interesting point from @2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney

And you definitely should point that out!!

But assuming it was numbers that counted, it would be important to get everyone to do it that had said they would, people do sometimes need a nudge to actually do something and this is pretty important it's not just keeping their grass at one inch, so I can see why they did it, but they could have been a bit more tactful I guess.

Anyway, don't worry about it, your message was fine. You didn't tell the annoying cunts to fuck off 🤣 🤣

Also it's perfectly fine for not everyone to support or agree or care to get involved! They are not required to in a free society.

I had no idea this is a thing. But maybe I’m the only neighbour not included sounds like too much hassle. Log off x

I left mine. It started out OK but swiftly descended into intrusive nosey-parkering over bin contents, who hadn't done the Thursday clap complete with public naming and shaming and extensive public musings over the sexual conduct and morals of the single people in the area.

Leave! We had neighbour watch at our last house
Can imagine the whatsapp group for that. Jeez. No one needs that. Surely it's just a licence to say things that would never be said to people's faces

YABU if you agree that the proposed development would negatively impact everyone. It's in everyone's interest for them to chase people up. Just sitting back and expecting other people to do all the work is lazy.

I set up a street WhatsApp group for our tiny cul de sac at the start of lockdown. We had one militant clapping Woman who got really shitty calling us out for not clapping. We mostly did except the old neighbours (in their 90s) and Tim who doesn’t speak to anyone. One week a few of us didn’t clap. I was sitting in the garden play house cuddling one sobbing daughter with my other two asking about the pandemic. I work in a stressful nhs role in an acute hospital and I was fairly emotional myself so we ignored the world, cuddled in the playhouse then got hot chocolates. Later I check my phone to see I’ve been called out for non attendance of the street clap. I politely explained crying dc situation and everyone was lovely (person calling me out didn’t respond). I then missed a clap as I was out running but felt I had to pre warn the bloody group. I returned to my street to find lovely neighbour saying “dragons, it all kicked off on the WhatsApp group after you left and stroppy neighbour has left the group!” Honestly, the drama was ridiculous. We stopped the group and have each other’s numbers so we can contact individually. People are properly mad.

You were absolutely right to call them out on naming and shaming. That's not acceptable behaviour.

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants

But assuming it was numbers that counted, it would be important to get everyone to do it that had said they would

It really isn’t, believe me ! Petitions with thousands of signatures count essentially as one objection ! It’s what is said that is important.

YANBU. I keep ours muted and drop in when I can, and have made it known in the past that anyone dropping round to nag me about anything will be assumed to be volunteering to do whatever I'll need to stop doing in order to fill in their survey/read their article/write to a politician about their latest subject of outrage. And you can bet I'll just happen to be doing something like unclogging a drain, scrubbing the bathroom grout with a toothbrush or evacuating the dog's anal glands

I’d be inclined to post on the group that I support the application, and that my friend/brother/uncle is actually the one who is planning it. And then leave the group.

But I don’t like to speak to neighbours 😆