AIBU - childcare

[Dagenmam]

Long story short...

I have a 2yo DD and a 4yo DSD with my husband.

When DD was born, DH would disappear for the day with DSD to my MIL house as he was so worried she wouldn’t enjoy sharing us with DD, etc. It caused a lot of rows as I didn’t want to family constantly split up (she’s here for three days once a fortnight). Anyway, that all got sorted. When DH was at work, I would take both children to visit MIL.

Fast forward to present day and we have formed a childcare bubble with my MIL. She has DD one afternoon a week and I collect her in time for tea as we live a short drive away. Since these bubbles were introduced, I have avoided dropping both children off as I just think it’s a bit much (something DH and I have always agreed on) but now I’m feeling pressure from MIL to drop them both off with her. Please keep in mind MIL is in her 70s.

We can’t form a support bubble as BIL still lives with her (works full time).

I’ve offered to drop DSD off on her own so MIL can still see her but then I got the “splitting the family” comment thrown back at me.

Am I being unreasonable?

I just don’t feel comfortable with it...both children aren’t overly used to each other and bicker a lot. DSD has no siblings at home either so it’s not there’s an overly established dynamic there. I’d never forgive myself if anything happened. I can find it tough at home and I have babygates, socket covers, etc.

Please be kind...

@Dagenmam

Thank you re socket covers, will have a google. What’s the best thing to use for safety (other than teaching kids not to stick their fingers in)?

Use nothing....more dangerous to use socket covers....this advice has been in around 4 years I think

I’d say the journey to MILs was not essential too, just go to the supermarket when DH is home. Hardly essential childcare.
If you made a fuss re DSD not getting any alone time with MIL before it’s a bit rich to now want it.

I am a GM of a 2 year old and 5 year old DGDs and provide childcare in a bubble while my DD and SIL work. It is hard work and I have my DH to help and the girls are used to each other. I am a fit and healthy 60 year old but can't remember how old your MIL is. I think you are right to be concerned she won't cope with 2 young children who aren't used to playing together and have different needs. I think your idea is better for her to have them separately.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss
Sorry, I don’t think I’ve explained myself very well. DH and I argued when DD was born 2 years ago as he would always visit MIL without taking DD. He didn’t act as though we were a family unit. We always agreed that we wouldn’t ask MIL to look after both children but that one or both of us would be there too. Covid has changed this as DH and I can’t see MIL. Instead I think DSD should be dropped off on her own...I don’t like separating the children but MIL will want to see DSD so they’re treated legally (this is within guidelines but can see its stretching things a bit).

@Cornishclio thank you, nice to have a GM point of view!

If it’s only for a couple of hours, then I think it will be nice and will help build relationships.
Yes it will be hardwork for your MIL but if we are only talking about a couple of hours while you go food shopping I think it will be fine. If you want start with an hour.

@Daisydrum
Thank you, it’s just worrying that I can’t see what she’ll be like with both of them.

Maybe you can build up the time of having both children at your MIL slowly and see how that goes. Work needs to be done on finding strategies to help them get along with each other. Keeping them apart is not a solution.

Drop off for 30min if that worried

YANBU, OP. MIL is annoyed at the wrong person, it's her son's job to arrange visits from DSD, not yours (outside of COVID).

I think all the Covid busybodies should stay in the coronavirus topic.

In her 80s my DM could still have handled two small children no bother, she'd have had them eating out of her hand. We don't know how able your mil would be for this as we don't know her. I suspect for an hour while you shop all would be well, given you are happy to have her look after one child so she can't be a knives-lying-everywhere type of reckless gp.
Is three days a fortnight long enough for the little girl, she might have problems adjusting to life with her sibling because she sees her very little?

@Dagenmam It’s a leap of faith. MIL seems to want to see her grandchildren and cares about her grandchildren. I’m afraid you will never be able to see what MIL is like with both of them as children behave very differently when their parent(s) are there (even in MILs house). The only way would be to put a camera on your DD (I do not suggest this).
Baby steps. See how it goes. If the test day/time doesn’t work, then you don’t have to do it again.