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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another puppy or not?

27 replies

B3CKY3 · 09/02/2021 14:54

Trying to keep this short.
We got a rescue Rottweiler 6 years ago. She is lovely. As she became older and my daughter older/heavier/more full on (about 2-2.5yrs) our dog was rapidly loosing patience. I had to separate them when showering etc after a few incidents of concern. All my daughters doing but she was too young too fully understand.
Anyway our dog is enjoying retirement at the in-laws and we still go on walks etc every few weeks. Dog is happy, in-laws happy and me less stressed.
HOWEVER
I really miss having a dog. I miss the company (work from home), Miss the excuse to go for walks.
I’ve been asking to get a puppy.
Some family same completely unfair on existing dog.
Some same what’s to say daughter (now 4) won’t terrorise the pup. I fully expect her too she’s dog obsessed I’m just hoping growing up with a child will be more tolerant than our other dog.
I’m torn. I miss having a dog so much. I’ve had them all my life.

What do you think? Open to lighthearted inputs and suggestions.

OP posts:

merrygoround88 · 09/02/2021 14:57

Well I wouldn’t get a dog if you felt your DD would terrorise it. Surely it would be better to wait until DD is older and more sensible

QueenOfLabradors · 09/02/2021 15:00

I don't think it sounds like your dd is old enough to understand how to behave around a pup yet.

compulsiveliar2019 · 09/02/2021 15:01

I'd wait until DD could be trusted to behave around a dog. But I would have been and am really really firm with children around my dogs. The dogs have a right not to be terrorised by children. Personally I think most children can learn the rules and behave appropriately around them if they are taught to abs understand the consequences of not following them.

Original poster

B3CKY3 · 09/02/2021 15:02

I meant with love. As it, can I cuddle it, throwing the ball 500 times. Wanting to sit next to it. All the things she wanted our old dog to do but at 9 she just wanted to be left alone. No way would I consider it if I thought she would hurt the pup. She is absolutely dog obsessed in the street.

OP posts:

DinosaurDiana · 09/02/2021 15:02

I waited until my youngest was in school. Puppies take a lot of your time and energy up.

Seriouslymole · 09/02/2021 15:02

I would wait until your DD is old enough to be taught to read dog body language (licking, yawning etc). 4 is plenty young. Have a puppy is very stressful not to mention highly expensive if you get it from a reputable breeder.

Ileflottante · 09/02/2021 15:03

Firstly, if you fully expect your daughter to terrorise a new puppy, then you have no business at all getting one. No animal deserves that. Be logical fgs.

Secondly, strange use of the word ‘same’.

redheadwitch · 09/02/2021 15:05

Dont do it. We rescued a puppy around 18 months ago. My kids are significantly older at 12 and 13 years old but I was shocked at how they behaved with the puppy at first. They just did not understand the dogs body language and boundaries. Yoi would think they had never seen a cute puppy before, they were obsessed and grabby.

Its genuinely easier to train a 13 week puppy than it is to train children. Eventually, we had to get a dog behaviourist in as the dog was growling at the kids - because they would not learn her cues and when she wanted to be left alone. After a (expensive) professional telling them straight, as well as my getting a hell of a lot firmer on them, they are finally getting it. But its been over a year now and they still occasionally do things that are just plain stupid and make me shout at them (stick face way too close to the dog etc). And the dog loves them - but a dog is a dog is a dog and accidents can happen.

If I could turn the clock back, I wouldn't have got the dog. Its been hard work and effort that I could have done without, quite frankly. And I mean hard work and effort with the kids, not the puppy!

So a 4 year old and a puppy? Jeez, you couldnt pay me to deal with that.

bm2021 · 09/02/2021 15:05

Please don't get a puppy knowing full well your child will terrorise it if you're not willing to stop that from happening. Some people are up to the job of having a puppy or dog with young children if they're capable and willing to put proper boundaries and management strategies in place but you don't sound like you are.

Juanbablo · 09/02/2021 15:09

Agree with @redheadwitch . Mine were 12, 9 and 5 when we got our puppy and still act stupid with him sometimes. He's 17 months and adores the kids but can get grouchy if they keep on at him when they don't leave him when he makes it clear he needs space. I would wait until your dd is older.

Backtoreality1 · 09/02/2021 15:10

Absolute not! It is selfish for you to do this at this age. Wait until your daughter is older and able to understand rules and guidance, which clearly isn't now.

Original poster

B3CKY3 · 09/02/2021 15:13

Ok, thank you. I certainly didn't intend to imply my daughter would hurt a pup. I would never allow that. But I didn't consider the ability to read the dogs body language and agree I think she would struggle with that. Of course I would have boundaries I always have done. However my boundaries for space and hers for the need to 'love' are a constant battle. I suppose we can reassess next year. Thanks

OP posts:

1Morewineplease · 09/02/2021 15:13

It's for this reason that most dog rescue centres prefer not to rehome to families with young children.

AStudyinPink · 09/02/2021 15:14

I would, but not a large breed. Your daughter isn’t 2 anymore and understands “no” and “stop it”, and a smaller dog presents far less risk.

PawPawNoodle · 09/02/2021 15:16

Absolutely not, you are adding a member to your family not getting a toy to please your daughter or to keep you company. What happens if you get a puppy that is independent and wants to be left to their own devices, will you turn that dog out too?

3JsMa · 09/02/2021 15:17

I know exactly where are you coming from.
I have 2 dogs, massive Staff X who is 11, and Yorkie X (she is 9).
The big one is absolutely amazing with my DC(7&9) while the little madam is quite grumpy(eg,if she sleeps on he sofa and kids want to sit next to her, she will give a little growl).Some dogs,when getting old just want peace rest and it is understandable that your dog found it more comfortable being with your parents.
When it comes to other people's comments related to having a new dog,I think the opinion that matters the most is one from your parents.If they feel it is fair and won't oppose it,I will get a dog.I think some posters take it too seriously when you have mentioned that DD will possibly 'terrorize' the dog .Growing with a puppy is massively different from the older dog who may find it difficult to adjust to living with a baby human.

Runssometimes · 09/02/2021 15:19

If you know your child would terrorise it and you couldn’t make it work before I think you’d be silly to risk it again. I had a one year old lab and a baby but my child learned no pretty quickly and the dog was very tolerant but was not expected to tolerate being grabbed or manhandled ( the one time it happened and he growled the baby got put outside and it never happened again. They are 8 and 11 now abd the dog isn’t grumpy at all, so it’s not necessarily age, but my DS leaves the dog alone, only playing with him outside and the dog leaves his toys alone.

With the best will in the world a Teething puppy will nip and is likely to chew/destroy toys being left on the floor so there’s inevitably going to be conflict.

Is visiting your old dog not an option? I do get why you’d miss having one but honestly until your child is older it’s likely to be very stressful for everyone.

Tongtwister · 09/02/2021 15:19

If you couldn't cope with an older dog and your DD how will you cope with a puppy and your DD? I have no problem with kids and dogs I have 2 of each. I had a dog before I had kids and the minute DD could move she was taught how to behave around the dog. When he went to his bed she was not allowed to follow him. He had to be allowed to have space. Kids and dogs need form boundaries. Please don't do this to a poor dog.

Godimabitch · 09/02/2021 15:23

You want a dog for you, when it sounds like it would not be in the dogs best interest.

You know your child wont respect the dogs boundaries, will be in it's face and harass it, it's not fair to expect a dog of any age to put up with that. And it's not good for the dog either if they do enjoy that, they just end up wild and lacking boundaries themselves. You cant have a dog until your child is able to be sensible and respectful of dogs.

iVampire · 09/02/2021 15:24

I would wait until your DD is at least 7 (in English school terms KS2, rather than KS1)

I get that you think she’ll be full-on with the puppy in a good way, but she’s likely to be somewhat more able to keep to rules about dog safety when she’s that bit older.

Small child hyped up round puppy that becomes hyped up is recipe for overstimulated disaster

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 09/02/2021 15:27

I got a puppy in October and my kids are 8 and 6. I had previously said 'one day, when DS is at school...' and with hindsight that was exactly the right decision. He's not perfect but he's a hell of a lot better than he would have been if he'd been only 4 when the puppy came home. He'd always been boisterous and loud, but when she was tiny he was really gentle. I was really impressed by the improvement in his behaviour - my sister got a puppy a year before we did and he was quite grabby then, but that year made a huge difference in his ability to understand that he had to be gentle/leave her alone.

So in summary, I would say leave it another year or two! Especially if, like us, there was still the odd toileting accident in a 4yo - you only want to be dealing with one set of accidents at a time!

Bangable · 09/02/2021 15:30

All I have to tell you is working from home with a puppy is really hard! bitter experience this is pre Covid. DH WFH so we thought getting a puppy would be great, loads of company for the pup and for DH. Cue months of wining and barking for attention when he was on the phone to important clients!!

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 09/02/2021 15:41

Perhaps your daughter is too young and enthusiastic for a puppy just yet. How is she with the older dog now?

We have a puppy who is affectionate and playful but also capable of standing up for himself. We have been very careful to make sure that all interactions with children are positive. His time with visiting children is very brief and limited to playing fetch or tug as he has no interest in sitting on a knee to be stroked.

I really do get your desire for a pup but I think that if you were to get a puppy now the restrictions you would have to put in place to keep the pup and your daughter safe would mean that it was not a positive experience for her or the puppy.

Lanique · 09/02/2021 15:46

My dds were 7 and 9 when we got our dog. Personally I wouldn't do it before then, although I appreciate that many do.

SnackSizeRaisin · 09/02/2021 16:02

Have you seen the price of puppies at the moment? They are costing thousands even from dodgy puppy farm type breeders.

I would wait until your daughter is about 6 or 7, and until puppy prices have returned to normal!

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