If you come from a normal/non abusive background..

[heylol]

I come from a not great background where lots of abusive and downright strange things went on. I always knew something was wrong...but over the years, especially with talking to others about their backgrounds it became clear to me that I have no idea what normal actually is.

As I try and process and move on from everything I worry that I'm blowing it out of proportion and making it harder for myself. Surely even happy, well adjusted, supportive families have things go wrong?

So my question is, if you would say you come from a great family and had a good upbringing, get on well with your family etc. what is the worst thing that has happened within that rosy picture?

I'd also be interested to know what dynamics you have if you have a happy family.

Our dynamic was that my dad was an extremely angry alcoholic and my mum roped me into trying to manage that and at the same time pretend it wasn't happening. I am guessing that isn't most people's experience?

My “thing” is that my Dad was drugged before going to fight in the Gulf in the 80s and therefore has serious anger management issues.
He never took it out on us though, and was very loving and sweet, but you never knew when something would trigger him and he would start shouting or crying over stupid things. He always apologised for shouting afterwards though.

Toffee what drugs was your father given?

Not meaning to undermine your trauma, but it's just so hard to really pinpoint the effects. For every person who suffered trauma and has x problem, there is another with the same problem who never did.

I agree with this. In a strange way, my mother's mental health issues made me stronger. I'm more logical than emotional, but because she was so volatile I has an apprenticeship in picking up on the emotions of others. I recognise qualities in other people better than some normally raised people I know (I give high credit to those with the skill and grace to handle the oddity that is my mother, rather than dismissing her or being cruel - our MP, who is prominent nationally, is brilliant with her, as are a couple of my friends and a cousin of mine, and my MIL).

But then my sister had a very different experience of it because she's a different kind of person than me.

Solid family. Both parents degree-educated and in higher management roles. Parents regarded marriage as a partnership and were married for 60 years. Self and siblings all privately educated. Parents proud of our achievements and brought us up to be independent, rounded individuals with the ability to budget and live within our means. No dramas of any kind.
Until I came on here, I thought this was "normal" as it seemed to mirror most of my friends' lives, too.

I had a lovely, if fairly poor, childhood, although we were shielded from that and it is only now that I realise how much they struggled financially, until Dad got promotions.

Dad worked very hard to support us so that Mum could stay at home, we were, and still are, their absolute world.

I was a pretty obnoxious teenager to them, lazy, ungrateful and unappreciative, but they were kind and patient and set good boundaries. I am sure that I must have heard them raise their voices to me, but certainly don't remember it, I have never seen them drunk or heard them swear. The only time I can remember seeing my Mum cry was when a cat died.

My sister and I are both very close to them and I consider myself lucky and privileged to be able to care for them now that they are getting older and need a bit more support whilst shielding.

The absolute worst thing that I endured as a child were three relocations that took us away from our schools and friends, but they were unavoidable due to Dad being made redundant.

I had what looked like a very normal upbringing.. middle class parents who were still together (barring a short separation when I was preschool age), house, car, holiday abroad every year. But I wasn’t the daughter my mum wanted / expected, and I always knew if she had her time again she wouldn’t have had me. It did have a profound effect on my self confidence, and coupled with bullying at school, I really struggled. I looked for love and acceptance in all the wrong places, which lead to a series of abusive relationships, and the cycle continued as my own dc lived through that.
I’m fairly recovered now, and do have an ok relationship with my parents (who both also had difficult upbringings I can see now). But each of my own dc would probably answer your question differently (to me and to each other).

I come from an amazing family and had a lovely childhood.

The worst thing that's happened? Hmm, Mum and Dad win the bloody Lockdown Quiz every week. But ... there's two of them versus one of me. My sis sets the questions.

But .... this week I won. We both got 17/20 and I was nearer with the length of the Titanic (tiebreaker). Read it and weep, Grey Hairs (affectionate name for me Mutha and Fatha )

That's it. I'm 53. It really hasn't been a hard life ..... thus far

I don't come from a abusive family. I was brought up within a very secure and loving family. My mum was such a warm and loving presence and took such care of us. We owe her everything. We didn't have lots of money, not many holidays, new clothes or amazing house but we had a lot of fun and freedom. I spent a lot of time outdoors messing about on bikes. I had friends, birthday parties etc.

But we weren't without our problems. My sister's attempted rape, my father being attacked and not being able to move into our new house because of legal issues which resulted in financial loss. Also my father was not a strong male presence. Two out of four of us kids are now divorced and we've had plenty of travails. We were never open about difficult subjects, my parents were a bit older fashioned and out if touch and we still have issues between the siblings.

It wasn't a perfect start but we were lucky.

But

Loving non abusing upbringing here.

The worst things were my mother going through menopause at the same time as her daughters were going through puberty. Lots of shouting and crying and strops and moodiness!
My poor, poor father.

@Andante57 no idea, I wasn’t born until ‘89. I just know what I was told, that my dad had had lots of experimental drugs as a solider, serving in the gulf.