AIBU to cook food I know DS doesn't like?

[joeysapple]

DS13 is a really fussy eater. This means the dinners we normally have are not necessarily what I would choose if I lived alone.

We get a Gousto box but some weeks I have to cancel it as there aren't 4 options (from a choice of 40+ recipes) that DS will like.

My Mum brought me over a fish pie and tonight I'm cooking that for dinner. DS has said he doesn't want to eat that but will make himself some crumpets. He is definitely a bit annoyed that I'm having a dinner that he won't eat.

AIBU to think that at this age, if he doesn't like what I'm having then he can just sort his own dinner once in a while?!

Yanbu it won’t kill him once in a while to sort himself something else if he won’t eat what’s offered

At 13 he should be doing dinner once a week for you and himself. Experimenting with food generally leads to enjoying it more too.
Maybe sit down each week and come up with a meal he likes, teach him how to cook it and let him do it alone the next week.

Sounds fair enough. You can’t eat pizza/lasagna all your life. And fish pie is delicious.

My 17 year old ds has a different dinner every night to the rest of us as he is fussy and always has done.

Exact same here OP. My fussy 13 year old apparently hates lasagne which is what I made so he cooked himself a pizza. Worked out as I ate 2 portions 😂

Not unreasonable at all, there were plenty of things that my mum cooked for me as a child that I didn't like - but that's part of what being a child is all about....

PS - I used to hate fish pie, but only because of all the bones my mum left in it.

Not unreasonable at all! A 13 year old should definitely be starting to learn to cook. Don't they start home economics in year 7? So he should have a few basics within his capabilities... could start by him preparing a meal once a week - pasta, stir fry, omelettes etc then progress to following more advanced recipes. If he can read, he can cook. You don't want him to leave home and end up on a diet of sandwiches and crumpets forever, so don't feel guilty for asking him to make the odd meal - you are doing him a favour in the long run.

Not unreasonable. I was one of four and there were very few meals we all absolutely loved but we also were not allowed to eat crumpets instead. The lack of alternatives sharpened the focus between what we didn’t prefer and things we couldn’t even keep down to be polite. There were very few things in the latter category looking back — I think my parents did not have the income to provide options with comparable nutrients.

In our house I am not as strict, we eat a less varied diet than I would like in order to cater for the kids taste, and because I like us to eat together. About once a week we eat after them so we can have things like Thai food and pizza (neither will eat pizza and we love it). They complain when we eat without them though so we have used it to get them to eat different things.

If I’m cooking something I am not sure about (and we use Gousto as well) I make sure I have lots of extra veg they like and jackets or garlic bread so at least there is something ‘friendly’ on the table to bump up their meal to a decent portion. Or I ‘deconstruct’ the dish for the sake of family harmony. Fish pie is a stretch too far for my two. I would end up putting a plate of fish, a bowl of mash and a jug of sauce on the table, so they could eat the fish and mashed potatoes and we could have deconstructed fish pie. It’s a bit of a pain but it’s better than the whinging...

At 13? YANBU I do this with my preschoolers on occasion as I just get tired of not having what I want. I just make sure there's some element of the dinner they like, or shove an apple on the side of their plates 😄

YANBU, I cook things for myself that DS doesn't like. He's 7 so he can't cook for himself yet, I do him sausages or pasta if he doesn't like what I'm having and when he is old enough he can cook for himself. I'm not eating bland food every night.

You're very reasonable and a lot nicer than my mum/grandmother - it was either eat what was on the table or go hungry.
There's a difference between 'not liking' a meal and absolutely hating it though! I would let him get away with not eating things he couldn't stand but definitely make him eat things he just didn't really like.. not every dinner has to be absolutely delicious.

DD10 is quite fussy so just eats the plain version of our meals: chicken and potatoes instead of a chicken curry with potatoes.

Plain pasta with the sauce on the side etc.

Occasionally I just give her some boiled eggs if I can’t simplify.

We’d eat the worlds most boring food if DD had to like it too.

A 13 year olds should be able to prepare themselves something to eat, particularly if they are fussy.

Mine get dinner, if they don't eat it they are not hungry enough for anything other than weetabix.

They are allowed one thing they absolutely won't eat. DD hates mushrooms, DS hates eggs. If they try and leave their veg an inquiry if they are eating the above normally changes their mind.

My 13 year old is extremely fussy and I mostly cater to meals he will eat but at least once or possibly twice some weeks I cook something I know he doesnt like and make sure there is pizza/nuggets in the freezer and he knows how to cook those.
Tbh I know he can do more (he's cooked several things at school) so yes I agree a 13yr old is fine to sort their own dinner once in a while.

Yanbu at all. It's a good opportunity to teach him to cook some of his favourite meals. Maybe he could cook for you too while he's at it

I always made one or two exceptions for each child then cooked. Leave what you don't like. They won't stave. The alternative is often cooking crap for everyone and who wants that. Also I had a job, and catering for the myriad likes and dislikes they each professed to have-usually contradictory to someone else's-would have driven me insane. Every child would like to train you up to cook what they prefer.
Cook what you think best.

There are a couple of things we eat DS doesn't like so he fends for himself on these days

We just make sure there are things he will like , a couple of ready meals or frozen leftovers. His go to is pasta tuna

It does them good to do their own meals at this age

Definitely teach him how to cook a few meals. DD is in a flat of 6 at uni. She can and does cook. One of the others can cook and does a couple of times a week. Of the other 4, one can "oven" frozen pizza. The other 3 have no idea beyond microwave ready meals and pot noodles.

Well, I tend to feel more tolerant when the food in question is something with a strong flavour, like fish, but no YANBU. He is old enough to learn that the consequences of being really fussy with food is ending up with boring crumpets instead of proper meals.

YANBU - I’ve got two kids and things one likes the other doesn’t. We often have something one or other doesn’t like.

For example one doesn’t like fish except salmon and the other likes all except salmon. Does my head in...

Mine has had to cook for herself for a few years if we are having something she doesn't like.
She usually makes spaghetti and sausages with toast.

Of course YANBU to let him have crumpets. My 5yo daughter eats what we eat, although she is very fussy. I tell her ahead of time what we're having and if it's something I know she won't eat, she has scrambled eggs on toast or suchlike.

If he doesn't like something you're cooking, could you teach him to cook a proper meal himself? When I was 13 I was cooking for myself and sibling at 5pm, my Dad when he got in from work at 6.30pm and my Mum when she got home at 8.30pm. I did that until I left home at 18.

He's old enough to cook simple food himself, and it will probably encourage him to be more adventurous when he has to manage his own diet. It's easier to try something a bit different that mums cooking than cook for himself.