AIBU to cook food I know DS doesn't like?

[joeysapple]

DS13 is a really fussy eater. This means the dinners we normally have are not necessarily what I would choose if I lived alone.

We get a Gousto box but some weeks I have to cancel it as there aren't 4 options (from a choice of 40+ recipes) that DS will like.

My Mum brought me over a fish pie and tonight I'm cooking that for dinner. DS has said he doesn't want to eat that but will make himself some crumpets. He is definitely a bit annoyed that I'm having a dinner that he won't eat.

AIBU to think that at this age, if he doesn't like what I'm having then he can just sort his own dinner once in a while?!

It’s quite common for kids to go through phases of liking things not liking them the next week, coming up with bizarre “diets” etc. I’m not talking toddlers but teens! Seen it, find it, bight the t shift x3

Ultimately I have done various things through the years. With DS (eldest by 10 years) I showed him how to do jacket potato and beans, cook pasta etc so if he didn’t like what I was making for dinner, he could sort himself out

Years later, I had all three giving me grief. So I made a schedule that each one had a night a week to make dinner. They were not best pleased when people didn’t eat the food they made (oh, and they had to clean up from cooking too).. That scenario didn’t last but about two months. No more complaints

I now get alternating between vegetarian, pescatarian and vegan. So I make a meal plan, put it in the fridge and if they want anything different, they need to cook for themselves

(I do now incorporate two fish and one vegetarian dish each week only because I like it).

I would be surprised a 13 year old boy only wants a couple of crumpets for tea, most boys that age I know would eat a pack of 6, crisps, cheese and a pint of milk and still be hungry !

Perfectly reasonable for him not to have it. Can he make anything more substantial than crumpets though?
Omelette, pasta with pesto, jacket potato with beans and cheese are all easy..
I am used to making additional variations for meals though, so I don't have to eat the same food as DD.

13?
YADNBU.

He needs to either broaden his tastes (does he try the food?) or accept that he'll have to have something else simpler a lot of the time. He'll have this problem his whole life if he doesn't address it.

I hate fussy eating.

He’s 13, he should be able to cook fairly well so he can make himself a meal if he doesn’t like what has been cooked .

I think that’s fine to eat it but I’d make sure he’s got access to something he could make himself by putting in the oven, cooking pasta or whatever rather than just crumpets.

YANBU, mine are both vegetarian so if a meal can’t be easily changed they have to make their own.

No, it’s fine. You’re not his personal chef.

If I didn't eat what my mum put on the table, I used to get it for breakfast the next morning.

Quickly learned to eat everything on the plate.

DD, 7yo, quite regularly eats different meals to us. Why does he care what you are eating? Is it simply because you won't make 2 meals?

YANBU. And I would keep going with the gousto box. Are there really 37+ meals on the list that he's actually tried? Just because you don't like one ingredient doesn't mean you have to turn your nose up at the whole meal.

I do expect mine to try a bit still at 12 and 14, even if they know/think they won't like it, and I always try to put something they'll eat on the plate even if that's just broccoli.

Don’t eat what’s cooked they make their own food

Not unreasonable at all. Why should you suffer because he’s a fussy eater? I also couldn’t be bothered making everyone a different dinner

YANBU. If he's that fussy that he can't even find 4 things that he likes from what Gousto sell, you'd be mad to restrict your own food to fit in with what he eats.

Once they're a teenager, they can cook for themselves if they don't like what you want to cook. Maybe he could have a look at Mob Kitchen? It's aimed at students in flatshares but it's accessible cooking without expensive or hard to find ingredients, so a good place for a beginner.

In our house dinner is dinner take it or leave it. Sometimes it's stuff I know a particular DC doesn't like, sometimes it's something DH doesn't like, sometimes it's stuff I don't like. We don't all like the same stuff but we just deal with it. Or don't eat.

AIBU to think that at this age, if he doesn't like what I'm having then he can just sort his own dinner once in a while?!

YANBU

But I think it's a bit unreasonable to suddenly drop it on him with no notice that he has to fend for himself this evening for the first time, especially if there is nothing else for him to have for dinner tonight other than crumpets.

I feel your pain at the repetitive menu, one of mine has ASD/ARFID. On a practical note, it really didn't work having a teenager regularly cook for themselves when someone else was making a different dinner for the family, it was just too chaotic. What worked best for us was to freeze an extra portion of his favourite meals when we had them for dinner or buy very quick items like stuffed fresh pasta that the person making dinner could cook alongside the main meal. My DC started taking turns to cook at that age, helped with meal planning etc. When they were older and the eldest could drive, they even did the entire meal planning and food shopping. Rather than the hassle of 2 people trying to cook 2 meals in the same kitchen, we found chucking some pasta in a pan or defrosting a cottage pie while making dinner was a simple compromise more than compensated for by having dinner made for us by the DC another night

I think he can consider himself fortunate that you give him the option, lol.

If my two had their way, they'd live on pasta, pizza and takeout.

I try to make sure that everyone has one meal I know they love each week, and other than that, it's suck it up buttercup.

I certainly wasn't catered for like this.

YANBU to expect a 13 year old to sort themselves out something to eat if it's pure and simple fussiness.

When I was young, it was "don't eat it then, but there isn't anything else." And TBH, I don't recall going hungry. Either I then ate some of whatever it was, or I was stubborn enough to wait until the next meal!

My husband got fed up of us pandering to our fussy daughter so just started cooking whatever he fancied. At first I got annoyed with him as I thought she’d kick up a fuss. However his plan has worked gradually. The food is put in front of her. The rule is that she tries it. If she doesn’t like it fine. Sometimes she has some bread and butter on the side. However now she is SO much better because of it! She is eating loads of new things such as curries, parsnips, different sauces, roasted veg, all kinds. I’m sure that just the exposure to variety has helped.