Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get married before my date

40 replies

idoornottodo · 08/02/2021 12:18

In need of some advice.

I'm due to get married at the end of September. I have already postponed from last month.

DP and I already have a house, a baby, joint bank account etc

Recently we've been wondering what we should do. It's becoming increasingly likely that it wouldn't be the wedding we planned and as such still haven't sent any invites etc. DP has suggested that we get married in a registry office as soon as we are able to in order to become mr and mrs and be 'legal' as such. Then we keep the October date until it becomes obvious one way or another and then have sort of a blessing ceremony/renewal of vows at that point.

I just don't know what to do, we were supposed to be married by now and life seems so short in these times.

For context we are under 25 so I know we are young etc.

Would we be unreasonable to get married in a registry office first? What would you do?

OP posts:
SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel · 08/02/2021 12:21

I think a small intimate wedding is really romantic, reminds me of some wartime weddings. Honestly a big wedding can be stressful as well as lovely, you are the centre of attention which you may or may not like, its so much money, and is over in a few hours.
A small wedding just the two of you with a glass of champagne on the beach afterwards, or something similar, could be wonderful and a lovely memory in years to come of these hard times. You can always have a party later.

Lubiluxe · 08/02/2021 12:27

I'd get married soon and throw a party when you can.
I hope they give clear indications soon on when weddings and other things will happen. I'm bridesmaid in May (postponed from last year) and it is horrible not knowing what will happen!

TinyCake · 08/02/2021 12:30

If you are 100% sure you want to get married I'd go to the registry office. If you have any doubts at all use the time to decide.

Wickstead · 08/02/2021 12:31

I did get married in a register office, then had the party (which - shock horror according to some on MN - included a vow renewal) a few months later.

I wouldn’t change a thing.

Original poster
idoornottodo · 08/02/2021 12:32

Thanks all.

I have no doubts at all (yet!!!) we've been together a long time etc.

We would keep our venue and the dress etc for that occasion and hopefully we can invite everyone we would like to be there and have a bit of a party!

The registry office would just be for us

OP posts:
MaskingForIt · 08/02/2021 12:33

You need a register office wedding, not a registry. Registries are for gift.

Find a register office: www.gov.uk/register-offices

Being 25 doesn’t matter, but having a baby does. Get married as soon as you can and have a party another time.

christmasathomeagain · 08/02/2021 12:35

Get married now. Party when you can have the party you want rather than compromising

BreasticlesNotTesticles · 08/02/2021 12:36

@MaskingForIt

You need a register office wedding, not a registry. Registries are for gift.

Find a register office: www.gov.uk/register-offices

Being 25 doesn’t matter, but having a baby does. Get married as soon as you can and have a party another time.

Oh bore off. Everyone uses Registry Office.
unmarkedbythat · 08/02/2021 12:37

I'd get married now and if I wanted a big party, have one later when that becomes possible. I didn't marry for the party, and I doubt that's why you're marrying either.

Whether you google register office or registry office you'll probably end up with the same information so I wouldn't worry terribly about that.

Anythingwill · 08/02/2021 12:44

@MaskingForIt

You need a register office wedding, not a registry. Registries are for gift.

Find a register office: www.gov.uk/register-offices

Being 25 doesn’t matter, but having a baby does. Get married as soon as you can and have a party another time.

There’s always oneHmm. Everyone knows what she means!

As you have a child, I’d get married ASAP. You can still have a party later if you want. Good luck

Original poster
idoornottodo · 08/02/2021 12:48

@MaskingForIt apologies my family have always referred to it as that. I'm sure people know what I mean

OP posts:
yoyo1234 · 08/02/2021 12:49

I would get it all legal . Small and intimate wins for me.

trevthecat · 08/02/2021 12:57

If you are going to do this, move fast, so many people are doing the same this year! We planned our elopement for this June, early last year, spoke to registrar the other day about something and they are practically full, every day until October! They have apparently never been this busy.

SkittlesRainbow · 08/02/2021 13:21

We went to a wedding last August that had been postponed. They announced that their closest friend would be conducting the ceremony as they had already got married earlier in the year for legal reasons (they were relocating to another country). No one blinked an eyelid and we still has as good a knees up as we would have done if it had been a real wedding. Do it if you want to, or don't worry about it if you don't. I would list the reasons why you want to get married sooner and reasons not to and then make a decision.

Catchingfire123 · 08/02/2021 13:24

I know a couple that did this a few years ago due to visas running out so they got married in the registry office but kept it a secret, we all got to the big wedding and they announced they were already married/ going to do a renewal/ blessing. The big wedding didn’t feel any different to if they had legally got married there and then. Go for it!

Ibloodyhatemlm · 08/02/2021 13:24

Get married ASAP. Then have the celebration later when restrictions are released enough to let you have the wedding you want. If you’d prefer a smaller one you can have it sooner and use COVID as an excuse for not inviting people! If you want a big celebration you wait a bit longer until you can have the day that you want. Good luck with it all!

BashfulClam · 08/02/2021 15:14

Yes get married ASAP, a marriage is just legal paperwork and the wedding is the frills etc that you can do later

2pinkginsplease · 08/02/2021 15:19

Definitely go and get married and you could always have a big party at your venue for your 1st wedding Anniversary, I really don’t see big big gatherings being allowed this year.,

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 08/02/2021 15:25

A relative did this in 2019. Only a few people know they are officially married. The 'wedding' was supposed to be last summer... But they didn't make it back to the UK. And unlikely to this summer. Maybe next year... Or maybe they won't bother. But it would be nice to celebrate with them, even though it's not the actual legal ceremony.

(I'm unromantic though and think the legal act of marriage and the wedding celebration should be separated out to make the differences clear)

user1493413286 · 08/02/2021 15:37

I call it a registry office wedding; only just realised it’s not correct.
Anyway I would go ahead with getting married asap and have a blessing and party or just a party at a later date. I’ve always thought that’s fine but with COVID I reckon that even people who don’t normally like that would understand and be happy to celebrate at a later date

mootymoo · 08/02/2021 15:40

I would book a registry office with two witnesses for as soon as lockdown is eased enough for a pub lunch after. You can have a blessing at a later date, perhaps in 2022 when this I hope is over

Blueroses99 · 08/02/2021 15:53

Yes absolutely get married when you are able to and celebrate on your planned wedding date.

Also nothing wrong with Registry Office. It might not be the official name but clearly is how they are referred to by the general public. Registry is not the term used for a wedding gift list in the UK.

To get married before my date
GraduallyWatermelon · 08/02/2021 16:00

Have you looked at availability? We planned to do this but found that local registry offices are booked up for many months

Aprilx · 08/02/2021 16:00

As you have a shared property and more importantly a child, I would get married now. Personally I wouldn’t be bothered about having a party later but that is just me.

SimonJT · 08/02/2021 16:04

September is only what 7 months away, I would just wait until then, it isn’t like you can actually get married at the moment anyway.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread