To get married before my date

[idoornottodo]

In need of some advice.

I'm due to get married at the end of September. I have already postponed from last month.

DP and I already have a house, a baby, joint bank account etc

Recently we've been wondering what we should do. It's becoming increasingly likely that it wouldn't be the wedding we planned and as such still haven't sent any invites etc. DP has suggested that we get married in a registry office as soon as we are able to in order to become mr and mrs and be 'legal' as such. Then we keep the October date until it becomes obvious one way or another and then have sort of a blessing ceremony/renewal of vows at that point.

I just don't know what to do, we were supposed to be married by now and life seems so short in these times.

For context we are under 25 so I know we are young etc.

Would we be unreasonable to get married in a registry office first? What would you do?

@SimonJT

September is only what 7 months away, I would just wait until then, it isn’t like you can actually get married at the moment anyway.

You can though can you not? theres nothing stopping people getting married at the moment, it's just smaller numbers?

Your DP sounds very sensible, and yes having a small civil ceremony followed by the bigger shebang later is a totally normal approach

We’ve just decided to go the registry office route. We wanted a small wedding anyway and actually I was always happy to go down the registry office route but DP didn’t like it. Now however neither of us care 🤣

We’re old though. If I were young I think I’d want a little more fuss. Perhaps get the legal side done for security and then throw a wonderful bash when covid allows. And you can have a party in your wedding dress.

You can though can you not? theres nothing stopping people getting married at the moment, it's just smaller numbers?

Having done some research recently some places are saying they’ll only marry people in exceptional circumstances currently. Ie if you are terminally ill. So I had to look around until I found an authority that was happy. So basically if we went south half an hour it’s no, north half an hour it’s yes.

I got married when I was 25. It was a simple ceremony in a registry office with just 2 witnesses. We then went for a very nice meal with our witnesses and then a party in the evening - honestly though, I'd have been perfectly happy with just the ceremony and a party weeks (or even months later!).
We've never regretted having a small wedding, in fact, I think it was much better than way and so much less stressful!

Hi OP! We're doing exactly that. We're having our registry office wedding (sorry pedantic PP!) In 12 weeks and our religious wedding in October next year. We don't have that many guests, but there's a bit of international travel involves for my family.

@letsgo2021 Unless you’re terminally ill or there is another very special circumstance you can’t get married in England. Not sure of the rules in the rest of the UK.

I have done the same. After our wedding was cancelled last year we took the earliest availability they had once the registry office reopened and got married.I was so relieved it went ahead as two weeks later it would have been cancelled again. Although I would have liked to have had more people there, the main thing for us was being legally married and we still had a lovely day. Although it's nice to have the exact perfect day you hoped for, it's the marriage itself that's important and the thing that stays with you.

FWIW, my closest and oldest friend belongs to a branch of religion that is not considered "eligible" to perform a legal marriage. So they did a plain and simple register office affair as the legal side of it - smart clothes and a nice meal after, parents only - and then had their wedding performed by a minister in their church three months later. That wedding was all that you would expect it to be, the dress, bridesmaids, reception etc. And they use that date as their anniversary. The other was forms and legalities, a bit like taking out a mortgage but not completing until later.

Perhaps that would work for you guys?

Honestly. There isn't a lot of appetite for a large wedding when people already have children. Get married and skip the big do. Just have close family and friends to a small party.

If you have a child together and want to get married then just do it asap, it sorts so many legal issues out and lets you get on with your married life. You can have a family celebration later - for the first anniversary perhaps?

I’ve never understood this ‘waitng to have a Big Day’ thing, to me nothing could be less romantic than postponing a marriage for ages. Just get married asap and focus on the marriage not the wedding.

I think it is better to accept the reality of the situation - big gatherings are not going to be happening for a while yet.

So I would definitely go for the two wedding option and get married now and have the big do when its possible. (I did this myself).

Think of how chic your outfit can be! You can wear a trouser suit or jumpsuit or amazing white dress with little fur cape thing. It can be so cool.

Where I live our local registry office is beautiful - I hope yours is too!

Out of all my friend group, DH and me are still the only ones to get married on the day of our wedding. Absolutely everyone else had got married before the big day.

If you’re happy to do it, do it.

I’d get married now and let the September date go. Have an anniversary party when it’s all over rather than a “fake” wedding with dress etc when already married.

It depends what you've always wanted. Are you bothered about having a big wedding and reception or are you more bothered about just the actual ceremony?

Personally when I get married I'm one of those people who want a huge fancy wedding and a big fuss made, so I'd wait😂 but my close friend was supposed to have her big wedding on november 27th but it got cancelled, so she got married in a registry office at the beginning of January and is gonna "catch up" with the reception in a few months. It's up to you! Theres no rush :)