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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take daughter out of school for 5 days despite being out of school a year.

88 replies

Hatecuddles · 07/02/2021 22:25

My daughter is in year 3. She has been out of school now since March with no return at all. She has been in shielding the whole time.
She hasn’t seen any school friends / she hasn’t been to the park etc
For 6 months she didn’t live the house at all. Recently has been allowed on walks.
Anyway she was due to go Disney land in August just gone, it was moved to April but been moved again til September which will land in school time.
She has a life limiting illness and the original holiday was meant to be from a wish charity.
She has been doing remote learning every day. She hasn’t had an ounce of outdoor fun in a year. She is however behind in some subjects especially reading.
Doing well in
Maths / science / art and music.
The school are not going to authorise the holiday and say it’s very unreasonable to keep her off school for a holiday after a year off which I do understand but I also feel like she needs this so bad and I can’t bare to tell her it’s cancelled for good.
Would I be an awful parent to take her ?

OP posts:
HarveySchlumpfenburger · 08/02/2021 04:54

I would take her in your circumstances. Surprised the school won’t authorise it though. I would have thought this would fall squarely under the ‘exceptional circumstances’ reason for granting authorised absence for a holiday.

impostersong · 08/02/2021 05:20

Take her, without hesitation. There is an education to be had in the richness of life activities and this will give you memories to last a life time. Mental health and well being is so important. (I say this as a head teacher).

Aprilx · 08/02/2021 06:33

I don’t understand why you can’t take her in school holidays, then she doesn’t have to sacrifice one thing for another but gets both.

LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 08/02/2021 06:42

Take her, and find her a better school.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 08/02/2021 06:46

I don’t blame any parent for saying fuck it and go on a holiday in term time anymore- even more so in your situation!

kowari · 08/02/2021 07:25

Will it be safe in September if she couldn't even go out for walks last summer when covid rates were low?

Makingnumber2 · 08/02/2021 07:27

Take her! Teacher in a school here. I’m shocked at the school’s response, especially when the trip was originally a wish granted by a charity. You don’t get second chances to make these kinds of memories as a family and kids have had a rough enough time of things as it is recently. Bring books to read for the plane and do 30 mins reading a day with her over summer hols .

Bookwords · 08/02/2021 07:29

Take her and I hope you have a wonderful time.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/02/2021 07:31

No I wouldn’t. If covid has been such an issue she can’t attend school and can only just go on walks then a holiday to a really busy place seems madness.

AlwaysCheddar · 08/02/2021 07:59

Go! It will be fine!

indianelephant · 08/02/2021 08:07

Yes I'd 100% take her.

OverTheRainbow88 · 08/02/2021 08:09

If it’s covid safe at the time I wouldn’t think twice. Go, make amazing memories and have the holiday of a life time.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 08/02/2021 08:13

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

That has no doubt been considered and plans made in order to protect her.

HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 08:21

Wouldn't make a jot of difference what the school said I'd take her no question. 5 days is nothing in the grand scheme of an education. Travel is part of a well rounded education IMO enjoy!

HitchFlix · 08/02/2021 08:22

If covid has been such an issue she can’t attend school and can only just go on walks then a holiday to a really busy place seems madness. presumably she's had/will have had the vaccine.

Bookwords · 08/02/2021 08:54

No I wouldn’t. If covid has been such an issue she can’t attend school and can only just go on walks then a holiday to a really busy place seems madness.

We have a vaccine don't you know!

I'm sure some people vaccinated if not, will not leave the house again.

TempsPerdu · 08/02/2021 09:02

Absolutely go. Providing you think it’s safe for your DD I would have no reservations at all. After the sacrifices children have made this year, I’d have no qualms whatsoever about taking them on a term time holiday - even those without the additional challenges that your daughter faces.

Surprised by the school’s reaction - they sound quite callous. But I suppose to some extent they have their backs up against the wall because of Ofsted’s obsession with attendance.

TheKeatingFive · 08/02/2021 09:03

I don’t blame any parent for saying fuck it and go on a holiday in term time anymore- even more so in your situation!

This. With bells on.

Petitmum · 08/02/2021 09:05

She has a life limiting illness..... life trumps school!!!! Take her and don't give it a second thought.
I say that as a special school governor......

ineedaholidaynow · 08/02/2021 09:08

Vaccines currently aren’t licensed for children, although doctors can make the decision for some children to be able to have it in certain circumstances.

Original poster
Hatecuddles · 08/02/2021 09:22

Ok - so obviously just like the previous 2 times of Covid is still high and the risk is still to high then we would be able to move it again.
Thank you for everyone’s responses made me feel heaps better.

OP posts:
Teamox · 08/02/2021 09:33

I'm not sure I'm completely on the same understanding as everyone else here. Has she been having some treatment which has meant not leaving the house for 6 months and now that is coming to an end so is safer for her to start leaving the house? Will she be going back to school when they hopefully open in March or is it still seen as too dangerous for her and she needs to continue shielding?

I'm 100% for the positivity of the vaccination and believe that things will get much better by spring/ summer, but France is so so far behind the UK that they may well have a much small percentage of their population vaccinated by Sepetember. The vaccine isn't 100% effective anyway (again, I'm not negative about that but it is a consideration for CEV). There's a chance CEV children may be offered it is they are deemed at huge risk, but at the moment they're not being vaccinated.

I'm just wondering if the school's thoughts are that she's so ill that she's not attended school in a year and not even left the house for 6 months (which would have included the summer months in 2020 when numbers were very very low) but yet you're happy to take her to a crowded tourist attraction as early as September. Like I said, will her health condition have changed considerably between last September and this September?

Now, you clearly know her health situation and if you are happy that it's completely safe for her to travel to Disney Land by September, then I say 100% go for it. Another week off school is going to make absolutely no difference in the long term and it sounds like you all need to and deserve to enjoy life as much as you can. I'm just trying to understand the decision from a health point of view, rather than an educational one.

Saz12 · 08/02/2021 09:35

Go!!!! Have a great time.
Sorry you’re in this situation at all, OP, must be tough.

Original poster
Hatecuddles · 08/02/2021 09:42

@Teamox

CEV children will go back to school at the same time as the other kids.

  • just like the previous 2 dates it will come down to the situation at the time and consultants judgement. For covid reasons it can be moved again if needed. I am obviously not going to take her until it’s safe enough that her consultant is happy.
OP posts:
MakeMineALarge1 · 08/02/2021 09:43

Go I took my son out last year - I said to school I was on the verge of a physical and mental breakdown after working in Covid for 6 months - told them that whilst they may not agree with my decision - that I hoped they would empathise with me - I never heard back from them.

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