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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To Be Livid?

63 replies

lealea6366 · 07/02/2021 21:04

Whatever happened to 'give credit, where credit's due?' I've been married for 25 years and i'm almost ashamed to admit I'm a crap housewife. Between depression and laziness, the house was always in disarray. Last September (2020) something came over me, I'm not sure what it was, but all of a sudden, I decided to put down a deposit on a new lounge suit. the old lounge was more than 20yrs old, tattered and torn, and I was due for a new one. Old tight arse husband refused to buy me a new one, so I decided to buy my own. So, that done, I had no choice but to clean up. I had a purpose. I repainted, bought some new pictures for the wall, added some potplants and I am proud to announce, my new lounge room looks bloody beautiful. During the cleanup, my husband would sarcastically comment on things like, 'so that's what colour the carpet is' or 'I forgot there was carpet in there'. I'm proud to say, my kitchen and lounge room has been kept spotless since last October. So just this week, our vacuum cleaner has decided to stop sucking, husband tried to fix it but the roller won't work, and will only suck through the stick handle. I pointed out that I can't be expected to vacuum my lounge room with a 10cm wide attachment he responded with, 'well, it hasn't been used in 20yrs, what do you expect'. I'm livid. I'm so over him throwing this in my face at any opportunity he gets. If I start throwing shit at him, we'll be arguing non-stop for the next week with all the crap he's put me through. But I'm not that kind of person. He wouldn't even look in the lounge room for months telling me he's not interested. Where's the encouragement? Well, I'm proud of myself. In order to change, you've first got to admit is you've got a problem, and that's exactly what I did. I've admitted it, and acted on it. Go me. Hubby can stick it up his arse. FYI I can't afford to purchase my own vacuum cleaner, I'm still paying off the lounge and unfortunately, work has dried up.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 07/02/2021 22:13

What's your relationship like with him other than this, OP? Doesn't sound like there's any respect between you at all. Plenty of contempt, though.

I imagine that the hoovering comment is the least of your concerns in this relationship, isn't it?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 07/02/2021 22:16

@LolaSmiles

Thank fuck other posters mentioned that he could have cleaned for 20 years too, I momentarily worried I was stuck in 1985. He could have, but if I had entered into a marriage where the agreement was one person is the breadwinner and the other is a housewife then I'd be a bit pissed off if I was doing my side and they weren't doing theirs.

I've no interest in that sort of set up personally, but do kind of feel like if you choose the man works/woman does the home thing then both parties surely have to uphold their side.

Why do you assume OP is a housewife or that it was by agreement?
SparklingLime · 07/02/2021 22:19

It all sounds like something out of the 1950s. Well done on making changes, OP. May be keep going and reassess your whole relationship?

pinkstripeycat · 07/02/2021 22:22

Sounds like your DH is lazy. Why can’t he tidy and vacuum?

TheyIsMyFamily · 07/02/2021 22:25

Was there something preventing your dick of a husband pushing a vacuum cleaner around once in a while for the past 20 years?

Highly doubt it....

Mischance · 07/02/2021 22:25

I too am puzzled by all the mine and his stuff. I am sorry that your partnership is so problematical.

Well done from me in all you have achieved. Smile

LolaSmiles · 07/02/2021 22:28

AccidentallyOnPurpose
Because she said in her OP she's a crap housewife, so unless she's using the term housewife and expecting us to realise that she isn't actually a housewife I've taken her at face value
Confused

As for the agreement, there's the option of leaving. I'd not be with DH if he expected me to be a housewife.

RosesAndHellebores · 07/02/2021 22:33

I'm sorry OP Flowers. Do you think he might be at the heart of the depression? Well done you. A new lounge suite was only the beginning I hope. Now you need to get a man n van to collect your dh and find yourself a better, brighter, nicer one.

Cheeseandwin5 · 07/02/2021 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Crystal90567 · 07/02/2021 22:43

Vacuum cleaners don't have to be expensive. The expensive ones are just status symbols.
£30 argos. Will work fine.

thepeopleversuswork · 07/02/2021 22:47

@Cheeseandwin5

Off course YABU.

For 25 years you have not being doing your side of the relationship, than you start for 4 months and you want a medal.
I have know idea why your DH has stayed with you, but hopefully your current attitude will give him the strength to give you the boot.

Firstly, where has everyone got this idea from that the OP and her DH have some blood pact that it was her job to do 100% the housework? This isn't stated or even implied in the OP. Cheeseandwin5 where are you getting this "your side of the relationship" thing from?

Secondly if he has been sufficiently bothered by this state of affairs why didn't he do something about it himself in 25 years?

Comeonsummer1980 · 07/02/2021 22:55

Well find you, you can use free cycle/local Facebook page/golden hearted on Facebook people always giving stuff for free

YetAnotherSpartacus · 07/02/2021 22:57

Well done for making the changes. Have to admit though he’s probably been fed up for your part of being lazy and made the comment. I’d be furious if my partner left my house a shit tip for 20 years. Just buy a new Hoover simple

He should have got off his lazy cock and cleaned it then.

whatonearthhappened · 07/02/2021 22:57

@Cheeseandwin5

Off course YABU.

For 25 years you have not being doing your side of the relationship, than you start for 4 months and you want a medal.
I have know idea why your DH has stayed with you, but hopefully your current attitude will give him the strength to give you the boot.

What an absolute nasty piece of work you are- does making someone feel worthless give you some sort of ego boost?
Eckhart · 07/02/2021 22:58

I think that, even if it was decided initially that OP would do all the housework, he's out of order to suddenly bring it up if he's been pissed off about it for years.

It's horrible to find out that someone's been dissatisfied with something you've been doing for ages and haven't told you. It undermines trust. Things need dealing with as and when they come up.

katy1213 · 07/02/2021 23:03

I think you have one more decluttering task before you're through.

MrsHuffyPuff · 07/02/2021 23:06

I am sick of men thinking it’s a woman’s job to fix the house!! The hoover is broken fix it! Helps the whole house surely?

Arobase · 07/02/2021 23:08

@Cheeseandwin5

Off course YABU.

For 25 years you have not being doing your side of the relationship, than you start for 4 months and you want a medal.
I have know idea why your DH has stayed with you, but hopefully your current attitude will give him the strength to give you the boot.

Since when was keeping the house clean and tidy solely a wife's "side of the relationship"? Did you miss the bit where she said she works?
TheCrowening · 07/02/2021 23:09

@Cheeseandwin5

Off course YABU.

For 25 years you have not being doing your side of the relationship, than you start for 4 months and you want a medal.
I have know idea why your DH has stayed with you, but hopefully your current attitude will give him the strength to give you the boot.

What’s all this “your side of the relationship” bullshit? OP says she works and the reason she could afford the furniture but not the hoover (though, again, why SHE should have to pay for it all is a mystery) is that her work has dried up. So why, exactly, is it also “her side of the relationship” to do all the cleaning?
whatizthis · 07/02/2021 23:10

@Cheeseandwin5

Off course YABU.

For 25 years you have not being doing your side of the relationship, than you start for 4 months and you want a medal.
I have know idea why your DH has stayed with you, but hopefully your current attitude will give him the strength to give you the boot.

Oh do fuck off
AnneLovesGilbert · 07/02/2021 23:10

Were you a housewife? I’m confused.

If you despise each other as much as it sounds like you do, you can get a divorce.

chocolatecronetta · 07/02/2021 23:10

I know you said you can't afford a new hoover but could you stretch to getting the locks changed?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 07/02/2021 23:12

@LolaSmiles

AccidentallyOnPurpose Because she said in her OP she's a crap housewife, so unless she's using the term housewife and expecting us to realise that she isn't actually a housewife I've taken her at face value Confused

As for the agreement, there's the option of leaving. I'd not be with DH if he expected me to be a housewife.

She also says in her OP that " work has dried up" so she's not just a housewife is she?
Merryoldgoat · 07/02/2021 23:14

I’ve said YABU because you sound like you don’t like each other and I suspect your depression might improve without him in your life.

Homebird8 · 07/02/2021 23:20

Lounge room. Australia?

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