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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument about a will

42 replies

Dingdong99 · 07/02/2021 12:16

We have two small kids but are unmarried

A couple of years ago, I did my will so that in the event of my death, my partner wouldn't have any issues with keeping the house or keeping the kids

I've been asking him to do his ever since but he never got around to it

With everything going with Covid, I kept asking and even sent him info on how to do it. He eventually but when I checked it, he hadn't even bothered to sign it

It needs to be witnessed when signed so I said he could just get our neighbour to witness. He didn't want to do that

Having asked a load more times for him to sort it, it's still not

We just had a row about it and he thinks ok being ridiculous for being hurt that he can't be bothered to sort it

He says it's not important and is a nothing thing

Aibu?!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/02/2021 12:20

Personally I would rip up my own and leave everything to the children until he wrote his own.

BloodyCreateUsername · 07/02/2021 12:21

He’s being massively unreasonable.

It’s hugely important to get these things done especially when not married. Absolutely isn’t a nothing thing.

Snowsnowglorioussnow · 07/02/2021 12:25

Yes in that case rip yours up.

Who does the house belong too?

He doesn't sound very responsible at all, it's fine for him to to be reject a will it6 he's the expert here and knows what could happen at every twist and turn...

He sounds irresponsible and ignorant.

I would make sure whatever you leave to your dc is cast in iron.. So he can't give away what's theirs from you.

Ie meets new woman, marries her has more dc and cuts your out..

VettiyaIruken · 07/02/2021 12:26

Change yours, leaving everything to your children.

Snowsnowglorioussnow · 07/02/2021 12:27

Whose name is on the house?

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 07/02/2021 12:27

Don't just rip yours up, change it. The copy you hold is just that, a copy. The actual will will be with whoever arranged it (in my case Co-op hold the actual will).

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 07/02/2021 12:29

Change your will and leave everything to the children. He obviously for whatever reason doesn't want to and that would concern me - he's being very irresponsible.

Kazzyhoward · 07/02/2021 12:30

@VettiyaIruken

Change yours, leaving everything to your children.
Absolutely do this. Change it asap to protect your children and sod him!

You should never have done your own independently anyway. You should have both gone to the solicitors together, got "mirror" wills drafted and signed together in front of the solicitor. That way you could have avoided this mess.

But yes, sort yourself and your kids out first, and leave him out of it until he "grows up" and becomes more responsible. Do you really want him to be responsible entirely for your children anyway - he sounds a bit of an unreliable man-child if he can't be arsed to take responsibility for such important things.

Kazzyhoward · 07/02/2021 12:31

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

Don't just rip yours up, change it. The copy you hold is just that, a copy. The actual will will be with whoever arranged it (in my case Co-op hold the actual will).
Yes, even if you hold the original, don't just rip it up, as a copy may well be used if the original "can't be found". It needs to be formally cancelled but means of a new one being prepared, signed and witnessed, and lodged properly with a solicitor and the wills register.
TinyCake · 07/02/2021 12:32

Yes change yours until he has done his

Tippexy · 07/02/2021 12:32

I hope you're not expecting that you'll marry him at some point?

Sally872 · 07/02/2021 12:32

If he is the children's father then surely he automatically gets the kids? Same if both names on mortgage? Is it life insurance ie naming you as beneficiary? If so then of course he should sort it no sense in having it otherwise.

Clicketyclick21 · 07/02/2021 12:34

I've left my half of everything including the house to my children so they're not disinherited if my husband remarried. It's called a life interest will and worth doing as to prevent your property going to a new partner & their children.

Mischance · 07/02/2021 12:34

What a pillock!

He is absolutely in the wrong. You will just have to continue this wholly unnecessary row till he gets it. What else can you do?

I have a SIL who will not make a will or take out insurances. I worry about my DD.

Ideasplease322 · 07/02/2021 12:40

You really should visit the solicitor together, just like a married couple, and have wills you both understand.

Who owns your house, who benefits from life assurance and pension death benefits.

Who gets guardianship if the children if you both die?

This all needs to be clearly set out.

Snowsnowglorioussnow · 07/02/2021 13:01

Who is owns the house op, what are the the circs? Secondary marriageable? Family?

Original poster
Dingdong99 · 07/02/2021 13:03

We both have our name on the house / mortgage

Appreciate all your comments - I've gone out now to diffuse things but he was making me think I was being I reasonable!

OP posts:
Snowsnowglorioussnow · 07/02/2021 13:05

However do you own the house? Tenants in common or joint tenants?

Original poster
Dingdong99 · 07/02/2021 13:06

We actually have a contract on the house - tenants in common as I technically own more having paid the deposit

OP posts:
roseyrose2020 · 07/02/2021 13:06

@Sally872

If he is the children's father then surely he automatically gets the kids? Same if both names on mortgage? Is it life insurance ie naming you as beneficiary? If so then of course he should sort it no sense in having it otherwise.
Apparently if you are not married and don't have a will the children do not automatically go to their father. This is what the registrar told me when I was registering my child. It got me worried so I've made a will.
Original poster
Dingdong99 · 07/02/2021 13:09

Exactly rose - I've heard the same. Which is why I made mine to protect him and the kids altho clearly he doesn't appreciate it

OP posts:
titchy · 07/02/2021 13:17

Of course they'll go to their father Hmm I assume the registrar was taking about where the father isn't named in BC and is absent - in which case a will naming a guardian is very useful. But if you're together and he's on the bc he has Pr and gets the kids.

In your case as you're TIC, his share of the house and any savings in his name go to your kids not you. If you changed to joint tenants then his share comes to you even if he left no will.

Does he have life insurance and a pension? Are you named as beneficiary?

Clicketyclick21 · 07/02/2021 13:42

Dh & I own the house as tenants in common so getting a life time interest will was easy to do. Speak to your solicitor about it.

Amummyatlast · 07/02/2021 13:51

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

Don't just rip yours up, change it. The copy you hold is just that, a copy. The actual will will be with whoever arranged it (in my case Co-op hold the actual will).
Not necessarily. Individuals can choose who stores their will and can choose to store it themselves.
TurquoiseDragon · 07/02/2021 13:55

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

Don't just rip yours up, change it. The copy you hold is just that, a copy. The actual will will be with whoever arranged it (in my case Co-op hold the actual will).
When I left my ex, I removed my original will from the solicitors who held it and ripped it up pending a new will.

This way, my ex would get nothing (we weren't married) and everything would be split between the DC.

I've a new will now, still everything split between the DC.

But it has to be the original will that's ripped up.

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