Argument about a will

[Dingdong99]

We have two small kids but are unmarried

A couple of years ago, I did my will so that in the event of my death, my partner wouldn't have any issues with keeping the house or keeping the kids

I've been asking him to do his ever since but he never got around to it

With everything going with Covid, I kept asking and even sent him info on how to do it. He eventually but when I checked it, he hadn't even bothered to sign it

It needs to be witnessed when signed so I said he could just get our neighbour to witness. He didn't want to do that

Having asked a load more times for him to sort it, it's still not

We just had a row about it and he thinks ok being ridiculous for being hurt that he can't be bothered to sort it

He says it's not important and is a nothing thing

Aibu?!

@titchy

Of course they'll go to their father I assume the registrar was taking about where the father isn't named in BC and is absent - in which case a will naming a guardian is very useful. But if you're together and he's on the bc he has Pr and gets the kids.

In your case as you're TIC, his share of the house and any savings in his name go to your kids not you. If you changed to joint tenants then his share comes to you even if he left no will.

Does he have life insurance and a pension? Are you named as beneficiary?

I was also informed children don’t automatically go to the father in event of mother’s death “there is no legal presumption that the surviving parent will always get child custody”. It has to be applied for if you’re not married.

Where are these children with loving fathers going then? It is difficult enough to find Foster care for neglected children why would they take grieving ones?

Legally it might be sensible but in practice I don't think you should be worrying about this OP. Not to say your dp shouldn't complete the forms but I wouldn't use safe guarding who gets the children as the reason. Possibly an added bonus but not the main concern.

Children will go to their father now. In days gone by being on the BC didn’t give an unmarried father automatic parental rights, but it does now.

Google intestacy rules and costs. It's a right ballache if someone dies intestate. And that was pre-covid...

@titchy

Of course they'll go to their father I assume the registrar was taking about where the father isn't named in BC and is absent - in which case a will naming a guardian is very useful. But if you're together and he's on the bc he has Pr and gets the kids.

In your case as you're TIC, his share of the house and any savings in his name go to your kids not you. If you changed to joint tenants then his share comes to you even if he left no will.

Does he have life insurance and a pension? Are you named as beneficiary?

No the registrar told me even if the father is named on the birth certificate. Look into it. I presumed if the father is named on the birth certificate then they automatically stay with them. But that only happens if you are married.

@lyralalala

Children will go to their father now. In days gone by being on the BC didn’t give an unmarried father automatic parental rights, but it does now.

I was told this 3 years ago by the registrar. Hopefully it has changed.

Presumably that also means that the children won’t automatically go to their mother either.

Either way there is no way the children wouldn’t go to a father who has lived with them and been a part of their lives just because their mother didn’t have a will. I don’t believe that.

I did my will so that in the event of my death, my partner wouldn't have any issues with keeping the house or keeping the kids

Why would he have problems ‘keeping the kids’?

Also, what about parents who are divorced?

None of this “they won’t go to their father” stuff makes any sense, and I would imagine it will only take one person to challenge it in law for it to be abolished assuming it actually does happen which I’m certain it doesn’t.

@AlternativePerspective

Presumably that also means that the children won’t automatically go to their mother either.

Either way there is no way the children wouldn’t go to a father who has lived with them and been a part of their lives just because their mother didn’t have a will. I don’t believe that.

Me neither. I suspect it's a misunderstood consequence of an unmarried father not having PR if they don't come with the mother to register the birth. It's not as if registrars have any special legal knowledge or training.

No the registrar told me even if the father is named on the birth certificate. Look into it.
I presumed if the father is named on the birth certificate then they automatically stay with them. But that only happens if you are married.

There is categorically no difference between the rights of a mother or father named on the birth certificate. Married or not.

I think the registrar has badly explained it or is harking back to years gone by. If one parent dies the child will stay with the other parent unless there are reasons they shouldn't. That's the same if it's the mother or father who is the surviving parent. There's no difference in rights (or responsibilities) depending on if someone is a mother or father.

@AlternativePerspective

Presumably that also means that the children won’t automatically go to their mother either.

Either way there is no way the children wouldn’t go to a father who has lived with them and been a part of their lives just because their mother didn’t have a will. I don’t believe that.

The registrar needs to stop giving out terrible advice. You are right - if a mother was deemed not suitable she wouldn't automatically keep children in the event of the death of her father. Mother's rights do not have more automatic rights than fathers in this kind of situation.

There was a thread on here a while back of a woman who genuinely believed that if she named her sister in her will then her ex (who was a very involved and, in her words, good father) would not get custody of the children if she died because "as the mother it was her decision".

@AlternativePerspective

Also, what about parents who are divorced?

None of this “they won’t go to their father” stuff makes any sense, and I would imagine it will only take one person to challenge it in law for it to be abolished assuming it actually does happen which I’m certain it doesn’t.

Divorce would be different because the parents were once married.

@Sally872

If he is the children's father then surely he automatically gets the kids? Same if both names on mortgage? Is it life insurance ie naming you as beneficiary? If so then of course he should sort it no sense in having it otherwise.

Name on mortgage is irrelevant, that is the debt part of it. It is the names on the house deeds that matter and also how the house deeds are held, tenants in common or joint tenants. If they are joint tenants then yes it automatically goes to the other on, if tenants in common then their share will go according to the intestacy rules.

Who is the beneficiary on his life assurance? I assume you have life assurance to cover the mortgage in the event of death.

@Dingdong99

We actually have a contract on the house - tenants in common as I technically own more having paid the deposit

Then leave your share to your kids not him. To be honest, if you are not married and you die, it will be your kids that would inherit under intestacy laws not him if you don't have a will. Same for him. Maybe that is what he wants?

Make a new will, and specify what you want to happen to your share of the house. Leave it to your parents to hold in trust for your DCs. You could actually force him to sell to release their share, but you may not want to go that far.

Then tell him. And if he gets arsey, tell him it's not important and is a nothing thing. My bet is that it will suddenly become very important to him.