Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t relax...just ever 🤷🏻‍♀️

31 replies

Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 12:04

with a toddler? How/when do you ever relax? Even weekends are hellish, worse so in a way, love my Dd so very much, but so miss my old weekends. Aibu? When does this end..

OP posts:
BlueTimes · 07/02/2021 12:05

I’m not sure it does end.

HappyFlamingo · 07/02/2021 12:06

Yes it is depressing to realise that weekends and holidays are no more relaxing than weekdays! For me it started getting much easier at 3yo.

midnightstar66 · 07/02/2021 12:12

Don't they go to bed at a reasonable time, sit with a snack or watch some tv/iPad for a short time? I had 2 pretty full on toddlers #2 exceptionally so but still managed some time to sit and browse the internet the odd time during the waking hours.

Original poster
Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 12:19

@HappyFlamingo She’s 2,6 so I’m hoping 3 is a turning point 🙏 just so full of energy, everyday seems to be spent just tidying up the whirlwind that comes after her and organising games, crafts etc and she won’t play alone yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 12:21

@midnightstar66 She goes to bed at 7, but one of us goes to bed on alternate nights with her. On my nights off, by the time I’ve washed up, cleaned up etc etc, there’s not much time left. In the day I put the tv on of desperate but she’s starting to lose interest in even that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 12:22

@BlueTimes 😮but as they get older they can occupy themselves more? Are less hyper and all up in your face? 🤣

OP posts:
HitchFlix · 07/02/2021 12:25

I concur with 3.

I have a 3 and 4yo and it's only since the youngest turned 3 that I can chill a bit. I too used to dread weekends and longed for Monday to come round.

I'm sitting in bed with a coffee and mumsnet at the minute. They come in and out occasionally but otherwise leave me be and just potter and play. It's great but a very recent development so hang on in there!

DoraTan · 07/02/2021 12:26

Why do you go to bed with her? I'd stop that and get some evening time for yourselves.

InsufferableLKIA · 07/02/2021 12:27

My DD got better from about 3. DS from about 5 😳 hang in there 🤣

Original poster
Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 12:30

@HitchFlix But do you think that’s because they have one another to play with? Dd is an only so always wants us to play with her...constantly!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 12:31

@DoraTan Yeah, we’re in the process of transitioning her to her room atm

OP posts:
HitchFlix · 07/02/2021 12:32

Oh just saw your updates. It may take a bit longer in your case OP!

Going to bed with her is insane - unless you like a 7pm bedtime Confused knock that on the head - you need your evenings. Does she not play independently at all? You need to work on that too or she'll forever look to be entertained. Look up Janet Lansbury and take a bit of your life back.

Aria999 · 07/02/2021 12:35

Yeah, evenings are key. Get them back and then hang onto them like your sanity depends on it

Greenmarmalade · 07/02/2021 12:35

There isn’t much time to relax when you have young children, especially more than 1 (particularly multiples!). If you have a 7pm bedtime, you have all evening- that’s your time. Weekends with kids are not really relaxing.

gutful · 07/02/2021 12:35

You need to work on her playing independently & not spending so much time organising games & activities for her. That sounds exhausting.

Just because she is an only doesn’t mean you have to pander to playing with her. She needs to learn to play by herself.

Also having time after she goes to her sounds sensible.

HitchFlix · 07/02/2021 12:37

My eldest wants me to play with her constantly too - doesn't mean I do it though! Sit down with a coffee and tell her you'll play with her after you finish. She'll probably try climb on you/get in your face/cry and stomp but stay neutral and calm and just repeat "I'll play with you when I finish my coffee" and try to ignore her. Do that every single day. It will seem a pointless endeavor at first but eventually she will accept it and know you mean business. Start small with 5minutes and then stretch it longer as she gets used to it. Once you're finished your drink be really enthusiastic about being ready to play with her now. She'll then give you your space as she'll know you'll be up for play in a few minutes. Give it a go!

Aria999 · 07/02/2021 12:38

The book 'Bringing up Bebe' has the suggestion that the kid has 7pm bedtime and then can (within reason) do what they want in their room as long as they stay there.

We do this and it basically works. DS plays for a bit then calls us when he wants to be tucked in. He's 5 now but as far as I can remember we have been doing it ever since he first had a toddler bed.

peboh · 07/02/2021 12:38

@midnightstar66

Don't they go to bed at a reasonable time, sit with a snack or watch some tv/iPad for a short time? I had 2 pretty full on toddlers #2 exceptionally so but still managed some time to sit and browse the internet the odd time during the waking hours.
My dd has never sat still for more than 3 minutes unless strapped in her high chair or pushchair. I wish she'd just chill out and watch tele, it never happens 😅
Original poster
Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 12:40

@gutful, I often tell her to play with her toys but she always comes over and wants me to be involved, I then end up feeling guilty if I’m taking time out to be on my phone or watch the tv for half an hour. She’s signed up for nursery from late summer onwards so I’m hoping a couple of days a week alone will make a huge difference?! 🤷🏻‍♀️We have no family here, so we’ve literally never been out or alone without her yet really. I feel guilty saying all that..but especially in lockdown, there’s no escape!

OP posts:
kayakingmum · 07/02/2021 12:40

I'm chilling at the moment. DD (3.5) is in the bath having a soak (I'm listening to her and keeping an eye on her). DS (19 months) is having a nap :)
It's not a proper chill.

Original poster
Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 12:43

@HitchFlix Yes, I’ll have to be really firm with it. I’ve often sat there and said that mummy is having ‘Quiet time’ for a minute but then she ends up just walking around almost looking for trouble or things to mess up. 12 hour days are long!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mulletonyourhead · 07/02/2021 12:45

@kayakingmum That sounds lovely!
She’s currently eating lunch in her chair, that used to give me a good 45 minutes, but recently that’s been cut short and she’s eager to finish and get out. She’s also dropped her afternoon nap some time ago

OP posts:
Foldinthecheese · 07/02/2021 12:47

Five Minute Mum has some good suggestions for teaching your children to play independently. I can’t remember them exactly, but I think she suggests you start with small amounts of time and gradually build up. Sometimes I set mine up with something and then slip away once they’re engrossed. I do find weekends relentless, though, particularly in the current circumstances, and my husband and I try to give each other time away from the children, even if it’s just sneaking upstairs for 20 minutes before they come looking for me.

Couchbettato · 07/02/2021 12:53

Divorce your husband, and then have 50/50 custody 😂

I'm only half kidding.

WildfirePonie · 07/02/2021 12:54

Do your evening chores earlier (before DD goes to bed). Do bed time and then chill out for a few hours.

Probably a good idea to stop sleeping in the same bed, you'll have years of that if you don't stop now!

I agree with pp, gets easier once they turn 3 :-)