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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Rude shop staff makes me feel horrible

47 replies

Anawana · 06/02/2021 22:36

Hi all, hope you're keeping well.

I really need some perspective here. There's a woman working in my local shop (only one I go to). I noticed that she has been freezing me out for some time now for no apparent reason. Even mentioned this to my husband but didn't think much of it until yesterday.

My husband and I popped in last night. We used self checkout and she was helping people. Something didn't scan and she came up to us. She recognised my husband and called him 'my love' for about 5 times in 2 minutes whilst helping us out, completely ignoring me. I attempted to talk too but she completely avoided me. When we walked out we realised we forgot to pick bread so walked back in.

I walked to the self checkout first. There were no one else other than us in a small area and she was standing there. I walked past her and smiled. She looked away and when she saw my husband behind me she said hi. I'm a couple of meters away at this point and she goes 'back are you?' and tries to talk to my husband.

This frustrated me so much. I found it incredibly rude and disrespectful but also too awkward to address it there and then. My husband didn't really answer as he thought her behaviour was rather strange too.

AIBU? How would you tackle this situation? We regularly see her and I don't want anything like this happen again as I get quite upset.

Sorry about the essay and thanks for your help in advance!

OP posts:

LouiseTrees · 06/02/2021 22:38

She fancies your husband. You are an inconvenience

SnarkyBag · 06/02/2021 22:41

I would write her off as a rude mare and not give it another thought.

You don’t need to tackle it or get over upset. She just works in a shop. Go in buy what you need and leave or shop elsewhere.

The lady on customer services of our local small supermarket is like this. Super lovely to some rude as fuck to others.

pumpkinbump · 06/02/2021 22:52

Yes she likes your husband. Ignore her back. Rude!

StormzyInaDCup · 06/02/2021 23:15

Squeeze his bum on the way out of the shop and ignore the rest. Who cares if she ignores you? Ask someone else to help. Personally, I think you're being sensitive. I would cringe for her when I saw her, pitiful woman.

Livedandlearned · 06/02/2021 23:17

Ignore her right back.

Wearywithteens · 06/02/2021 23:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

TheNestedIf · 06/02/2021 23:39

You are far too invested in someone who is a virtual stranger to both you and your husband. Maybe she does fancy your husband but that's her problem, not yours. Or maybe she senses the fact you are focused on someone who is nobody to you and that is freaking her out.

Give it no more headspace.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/02/2021 23:48

“She fancies your husband”
I was just about to say the exact same thing!

May I ask though why is it the only shop you go to. I do assume it’s not the only shop on the planet. Why are you lining her pockets. I don’t understand.

Sherberr · 06/02/2021 23:54

Why do you care? Just don’t care and she is gone!!

MissMarpleDarling · 07/02/2021 00:03

She thinks your husbands fit OP.

HaveringWavering · 07/02/2021 00:04

Try walking a bit further to the next closest shop.

ItwasmeIswear · 07/02/2021 00:07

Why are you giving this person headspace. You're just there shopping not to make friends. Go somewhere else if it annoys you that much.

Sparklfairy · 07/02/2021 00:12

Yeah I wouldn't sweat it. She's rude and a bit desperate.

I live bang in the middle of two corner shops. One I now won't go to at all, because both (male) staff are weird, leery and creepy. Look me up and down, make intrusive conversation, even asked which flat I lived in as he said he knows it's just a few doors down (round a slight bend so he couldn't see) as he saw me on cctv!

The other shop are absolutely lovely. We don't say much to each other but somehow saying hi to all of them brightens my day I suggest you vote with your feet on this one. And I suspect yours isn't the only husband she's inappropriate with.

katy1213 · 07/02/2021 00:16

There's not much happening in anyone's life at the moment - but, really, this is worth giving a second thought to?
Perhaps you should blow her a kiss next time you're shopping - invite her over for drinks, Covid permitting - lavishly compliment her nylon overall? She's the checkout woman. She's not there to be your new best friend.

katy1213 · 07/02/2021 00:24

PS When sales staff call your husband 'my love,' it is a very remote chance indeed that they want to shag him. It is a generic phrase - like saying 'have a nice day' when they couldn't care less if a bird shits on your head and your granny dies before you get home; or 'take care,' when it's nowt to them if you're run over by the next bus. Just words.

LouiseTrees · 07/02/2021 00:39

@katy1213

Generally I agree but local shop, only one she goes too ( and by extension only one he likely goes to). Sounds like few other shops around. Small place perhaps, few suitors.

ALongHardWinter · 07/02/2021 00:47

Is she one of these women who fawn all over anyone in possession of a penis,but are offhand to the point of rudeness towards women? I've experienced a few of these over the years.

WorraLiberty · 07/02/2021 00:49

If she does happen to fancy your husband, why does that make you upset?

I wouldn't give her another thought. She doesn't affect you or your life, does she?

DianaT1969 · 07/02/2021 00:51

Missing point of thread, but wherever you live it's very different to shopping during Covid here. Couples can't shop together. They definitely wouldn't be welcome squeezing unnecessarily in the self-checkout area. Everyone with masks on, so there's no friendly chatting with shop assistants.
But apart from that, I wouldn't give her headspace.

user1473878824 · 07/02/2021 00:53

@Wearywithteens

“I don't want anything like this happen again as I get quite upset.”

Are you young? I hate to say this but strap in love - people are irrational and odd - it’s a fact of life and rarely has anything to do with you. You need to stop getting so upset about what randoms do when it has no real consequence for your life.

I agree with this 100%

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 07/02/2021 00:55

What? Why would that upset you? I would just find that quite funny. Just blank her everytime from now on.

Lottiethelemming · 07/02/2021 00:55

Ive had the same at restaurants I went to with OH. He's very handsome even if I say so myself. I on the other hand don't make an effort appearance-wise other than to make sure my clothes and I are clean.

Several times waitresses have given DP the attention despite me doing the ordering. The same has happened in supermarkets when he's standing behind me waiting with no clue as to what the issue is.

I ignore what they say to DP. He can't help being a sex god.

Embarrasedaf · 07/02/2021 00:56

What’s with all the “rude retail staff” threads tonight?

There's a woman working in my local shop (only one I go to). I noticed that she has been freezing me out

Oh come on. She couldn’t care less about you. You’re merely customers, 2 out of hundreds she comes across, you’re not besties. She doesn’t care enough about either of you to “freeze you out”.

Sounds like few other shops around. Small place perhaps, few suitors.

What? Not everyone is desperate enough to only meet dates at their workplace. Some are already taken or have lots of options outside of work, you know people with healthy social lives? Who cares if it’s a “small place” when social media exists?

Throwaway2021 · 07/02/2021 01:01

@Wearywithteens

“I don't want anything like this happen again as I get quite upset.”

Hey that’s disrespectful to young people

I am early 20s and wouldn’t sweat this. I mean, I’m too consumed about my own life to give a random like this a second thought.

How could she have seen you smile as presumably you were wearing a mask?

Throwaway2021 · 07/02/2021 01:05

Also just wanted to add OP, there’s nothing you need to do here (other than not be so sensitive - this shouldn’t “quite upset” you). It’s your husband that needs to provide reassurance.

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