Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm not lazy?

38 replies

Nicknamegoeshere · 06/02/2021 18:08

I have two kids with my ex who are 10 and 13, both with additional needs. I also have an eight month-old baby with my fiancé.
He works 9 - 5.30 away from home. I'm currently on mat leave but will return ft shortly (have no choice financially).
I spend all of my weekday mornings homeschooling my 10 yo as he needs support. It is intense! I do lunches etc. It's not easy with a baby who has just started crawling. I do all of the housework pretty much. Cleaning all done by me. Washing clothes is me pretty much. Washing dishes all me. I have zero mummy friends. I also do all of night wakings which are around every 3-4 hrs.
Partner gets home and cooks dinner.
Today he got cross and said "Well you haven't cooked a fucking dinner in ages."
Am I being lazy?

OP posts:
Ileflottante · 06/02/2021 18:11

No, you are not lazy. He is a prick. Stuff like this makes me extremely cross.

Someone will be along soon to word exactly why he’s a prick much more eloquently than I.

dizzydizzydizzy · 06/02/2021 18:13

What an unpleasant way to communicate! If he has a problem, he should talk to you reasonably. But, to answer your question, you sound very hard-working to me, not lazy.

Roastednotsalt · 06/02/2021 18:14

You need to tell him him to get use to it if your going back to work OP.

SarahAndQuack · 06/02/2021 18:15

Of course you're not lazy!

You must be shattered. I'd be tempted to say sure, you'd love to cook dinner tomorrow, and all he needs to do is get home, look after the kids while you cook, put them to bed, do the night wakings with the baby, and oh by the way, you'd love him to pop a load of washing on while he's about it.

By my reckoning you are doing at least one full time job already; you shouldn't be doing the lion's share of housework too.

Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 06/02/2021 18:19

Thanks all. I'm tempted to do literally nothing around the house and see what he says.
He plays with her for five mins and out for a walk to get her to sleep and thinks he's Superdad!! He says I should play with her more.

OP posts:
pointythings · 06/02/2021 18:20

You're doing everything except dinner. The least your not-so-DP can do is do that and not bloody snipe at you. Tell him so calmly but firmly - you don't need to put up with that shit.

TheresOnlyOneJackieWeaver · 06/02/2021 18:21

What a bastard. What are his good points exactly? He obviously enjoys criticising you at every opportunity.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 06/02/2021 18:23

So literally all he has to do is make dinner, 7 out of the 21 meals a week that are required for a family? You're still doing everything else in the house plus homeschooling? He's being a dick. And I've no doubt you'd love to spend all day every day playing with your baby but can't because of house stuff and homeschooling - that's a really mean thing to throw at you.

Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 06/02/2021 18:25

He doesn't understand why I don't want to play with her all of the time. I feel guilty wanting any time to myself.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 06/02/2021 18:29

Do not marry him.

Do not.

Nanny0gg · 06/02/2021 18:30

And what will happen when you go back to work?

Was he always this horrible?

SarahAndQuack · 06/02/2021 18:32

In all honesty, I think very few people enjoy playing with an eight month old baby for more than a few minutes. Babies are delightful, of course, but it's absolutely mind-numbing 'playing' with a baby for any length of time even if you're not already busy with other things.

Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 06/02/2021 18:32

I don't know as I will have to work extra hours in the evenings too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 06/02/2021 18:35

I'm the main earner.

OP posts:
Ileflottante · 06/02/2021 19:42

And you’re the main earner.

Tell him to get to fuck and then keep on going.

My god, men like this make me heave.

Sunnydays999 · 06/02/2021 19:43

How dare he. I hope that was a moment of frustration and not how he speaks to you normally . Please remember your children will be watching this and will shape their view of what is normal

Nanny0gg · 06/02/2021 19:56

@Nicknamegoeshere

I'm the main earner.
Doesn't sound like you actually need him much then? Or just for childcare?

How is he with your other children?

CoraPirbright · 06/02/2021 20:00

The 9-5.30 he does is an utter doddle compared to you!! He needs to see what it’s like. Perhaps some sort of emergency should occur all of a sudden necessitating you leaving for a couple of days so that he can see just how much you are doing!

......and you are the main earner Hmm. ‘D’P is a twat.

Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 06/02/2021 20:19

@Nanny0gg Tbf there is nothing wrong with me being the main earner. Gone are the days that was the "man's" role.
But I just wish he had any idea how bloody hard it is with three kids from 8 months to 13 years in lockdown. He gets all of the nice bits of being a dad whilst I'm stuck in the house 24/7.
Sorry to moan!

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 06/02/2021 20:20

@Nanny0gg He's OK with my other two although of course more involved with his daughter.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicknamegoeshere · 06/02/2021 20:21

(Because the other two have a bio dad).

OP posts:
snugglepuff · 06/02/2021 20:30

Jesus boot him in the balls the next time he says it! The reasonableness of your reaction will match the reasonableness of his accusation!

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/02/2021 20:45

@Nanny0gg

And what will happen when you go back to work?

Was he always this horrible?

He was. Plenty of us told her to ditch him before they moved in together as he was horrible to her children.
Zarinea · 06/02/2021 20:59

There's nothing at all wrong with you being the main earner, that's not what PPs are saying.

There is something wrong with you being expected to work very hard in your job, and at home with the kids, while being attached to a rude and ungrateful man.

The problem PPs are pointing out is that he doesn't seem to provide anything positive to the household.

Zerrin13 · 06/02/2021 21:09

Th

Swipe left for the next trending thread