School giving out awards.

[ottermadness]

Full disclaimer: mum of 4 finding homeschool v difficult. Worried I’m becoming bitter.

School are sending out awards from the teachers in the post. Social media full of very proud parents (understandably). However, all the awards seem to have gone to kids whose are either single child families or have at least one parent furloughed and sibling still in nursery.

I know it’s not about me, but I’m feeling totally demoralised by this. Is it really a good idea from school to do this?

That was one part of a list of reasons that made us decide to opt out of schooling that the school are providing right now. We do our own thing and protect DD from knowing this kind of crap is going on. She was trying her best and then they started with the awards, and showing all the great stuff kids in school were doing. Showing all the amazing art/science projects other kids did because their parents had all the time in the world, or the kids were in school. I refuse to show DD that this is going on.

No, I’ve had the same issue this week. DD has always completed all work without complaint even though she hates the live lessons, and is massively struggling.She just persists and gets on with it. The kids who have made a massive fuss, tantrums, decide they don’t like it then opt out of lessons etc etc get phone calls home from head of year to congratulate them on superb work, certificates home, ‘shout outs’ from teachers in emails. Then the mother has posted the most gushing emails from head of year and teachers all over Facebook, day after day. Just made us feel absolutely shit.

Isn't your beef with the social media glare here, rather than the school? If your child isn't aware of it, why are you making it an issue? Confused by your post.

I can't really get worked up by other people getting awards, tbh. I'm sure there are good reasons why. Maybe the answer is to step away from the social media.

I agree OP. Homeschooling has broken me massively. I have a year 1 child and 2 under 4 with my partner working full time. I would love to spend the time homeschooling the oldest so she is caught up in all subjects but I just can’t. I guess it’s a nice idea to boost morale, but it certainly knocks the confidence of the others who don’t have the opportunity to get it all done.

@Barbie222

Isn't your beef with the social media glare here, rather than the school? If your child isn't aware of it, why are you making it an issue? Confused by your post.

I can't really get worked up by other people getting awards, tbh. I'm sure there are good reasons why. Maybe the answer is to step away from the social media.

Thanks, but no I don’t think it is. I can totally understand parents being proud and wanting to show that off. You are right I wouldn’t know about it if I didn’t look at social media though 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I think my issue does sit with school because I would expect them to realise that their awards are probably rewarding parent time/effort/home situation rather than child effort or talent when the kids are so young. The kids aren’t having an ‘equal’ experience like they would at school.

We’re in a similar boat where DD was devastated this week as her friend got star of the week for the second time since September and DD hasn’t had it once. I wouldn’t have an issue with this if they’d had a equitable chance to earn it, but the playing field is so uneven at the moment with DD getting bits and pieces here and there whilst we work full time and the other girl having both parents furloughed. They are five for context so unable to work independently. Normally if she was upset at someone else getting an award I’d be explaining that that’s life, but it just feels so unfair.

I had to reply to this as I am tearing my hair out over awards and particularly shout outs.
I am a teacher and I mark children's work in one year group everyday. I make video lessons that I record every week. I have been feeding back individually to children and have also been emailing kids on particularly great pieces of work in other year groups.

Senior leaders and some parents have asked that I give their children shout outs in videos etc. I have now started to do this but it is impossible. I think it creates more issues. I can't possibly know all the children who are working hard; those who have help vs those who don't. We are talking about 500 kids here. Staff in other year groups are trying to help but inevitable some kids will be missed. I really would like everyone to understand that if your child is missed then it is not by design or because we are just noticing the naughty ones etc. It is simply because it really, really isn't possible at the moment to get this perfectly right. I have spent hours today trawling through hundreds of kids work trying to see who should get shout outs.

So the school shouldn't reward them because your child won't get a reward?? I know that the whole awards system is flawed in many ways, but surely it must be nice for some kids to be recognised for the effort they have put into the work. Is it unfair? A little bit. But do you get wound up by people how get to have time-consuming hobbies/get to travel/exercise lots just because your life situation is different and you can't?

YANBU

Ours post each day on Classroom a list of children they're "very pleased" with because they've submitted all the work before 3pm and joined the video call.

This is a Y1 class, so entirely dependant on the parents ability/availability to upload the work before 3pm/get them on the call! Drives me nuts!

My child got a certificate this week, his first one in 18 months! He’s a well behaved, average intelligence child so often overlooked. I’m so proud of him because he’s tried really hard often doing his school work until 5pm. DH is working and I’m off sick so he’s had minimal support. I’m so bloody glad he’s been recognised.

But I don’t post it on social media, it’s for us to feel proud, I don’t need anyone else to know. The problem is all the people who can’t be proud without everyone knowing their child has done something.

@MammaBear18

So the school shouldn't reward them because your child won't get a reward?? I know that the whole awards system is flawed in many ways, but surely it must be nice for some kids to be recognised for the effort they have put into the work. Is it unfair? A little bit. But do you get wound up by people how get to have time-consuming hobbies/get to travel/exercise lots just because your life situation is different and you can't?

My personal opinion is that school should be doing an all or nothing system with awards at the moment. But I posted because I was unsure if I’m being over sensitive.

If teachers (thanks @cansu) are finding it a headache and it’s actively discouraging parents (see posts from others) and in some cases it’s not actually rewarding hard work, rather a favourable situation then it’s not fit for purpose.

@soundsystem

YANBU

Ours post each day on Classroom a list of children they're "very pleased" with because they've submitted all the work before 3pm and joined the video call.

This is a Y1 class, so entirely dependant on the parents ability/availability to upload the work before 3pm/get them on the call! Drives me nuts!

That’s insane.

@cansu is saying “no” to the parents and SLT an option? It may need to be explained to them why this isn’t workable.

Totally agree OP. Our headteacher did a video assembly last week where he talked up headteacher awards and said they would be in the post this week. Despite me saying to DS (yr1) you might not get one and trying to massively play it down, DS is waiting for the postman every day. I know he won’t get one (bright but average and we’re working full time also with a sibling) but he’s so upset he hasn’t got one yet.

My 8 year old got a certificate and a shout out on Teams this week. I'm sure people are rolling their eyes as he is an only child and I'm 3 months shy of qualifying as a primary school teacher. He's also severely dyslexic and has ADHD. He 100% deserves a bloody certificate, even completing the work is a task let alone doing it to a "good" standard

YANBU. We had the same thing this week and I think it’s really unfair on the kids. In normal circumstances when all the kids are in class with the teacher then I have no issue with it. But they are all in such different situations now - some in school 2 days a week, some with both parents working, some with a parent helping them all day. How can you compare? They all deserve bloody stars.

My yr 1 kid definitely won’t be getting a star as we both work full-time from home and can only spend a couple of hours a day with her on schoolwork. Which I feel bad enough about already. It’s an award for the parents at the moment, but the kids don’t understand that of course.

I am a teacher actually. There's plenty of kids who have furloughed parents that actually don't help them with the work at all. There's plenty of parents who are enjoying this opportunity to engage with their kids work as they might usually miss it due to work commitments.

Like I said, I don't think that the awards system in any shape or form (unless it requires teachers to carefully go through every piece of work from that week) is going to work.

Like in normal times, some kids will get plenty of help from their parents or private tutors with the work/projects and some will not. It's never going to be fair to everyone.

I think it might be a nice idea to give your kids their own certificates, rewarding them for the work you can genuinely complement them on (rather than general school printed ones that goes out to tens of students). They care so much more what you think of them!

MissyB1
I have tried. I think the problem is illustrated beautifully on here. People love it when their child gets an award or a mention as their child deserves it! Of course there is always someone else who doesn't get rewarded who thinks they should have been. I actually think that praise should be primarily be personal and not public. We have a weekly bulletin where children are nominated for their efforts which works much better as each class teacher puts all the children who are working well. We can then monitor who hasn't been mentioned yet etc.

YANBU. My children’s school and (funnily enough) it’s children with at least one parent furloughed or Sahm who are getting it or the ones with challenging behaviour. My children are working at awkward times, trying very hard and having to put up with me being out of the house as a key worker snd my husband working from home full time.
Seeing those children receive awards has made me feel like I’ve not done enough and completely demoralised. Parents gloating on social media makes me intensely dislike those self absorbed individuals.

@MammaBear18 certificates are a good idea. I’m barely keeping my chin above water at the moment but I will bare it in mind. Thank you.

I totally understand that @1AngelicFruitCake I’m perceiving it as an award for the parents too. I think that it is why it is making me feel pants. There is just so much I can’t do at the moment.

I think that’s it, with younger children especially, it feels like an award for parents. My children working hard, keeping themselves occupied, being patient when I’m late/my DH is in meetings and I know we’ve got it easy compared to other families. Add in an award that goes to children of parents not working and it’s made me feel like it’s being confirmed I’m letting my child down.

Perhaps the solution would be for the school to send the certificates home (but not say anything about them in school) and put a covering letter in asking parents not to post about them on social media. That way they can give the pats on the back without everyone else feeling demoralised. It might also make it easier for them to give more certificates: if they know a child has done a small amount in difficult circumstances, they can seize the chance to encourage them without potentially offending someone whose child has also had difficulties the school isn't aware of.

That’s a great idea😊

Yeah, our school has been awesome but last week they decided to bring back “Star of the Week” assembly. They give two stars per year, one for children in school and one for those at home.

Last week the ones at home were all won by kids who have non-working parents. My youngest was heartbroken (he’s not been star yet this year, and has really been trying at home) and my eldest demotivated (it didn’t escape her notice that the kids all have stay at home parents).

We both work full time, usually on calls for 6+ hours a day. We get the kids through their school work and calls without fail, but we don’t have time or energy to do more, or even to get them to put loads of effort into something they are not enjoying.

So I can add this to my guilt list.

YANBU. It’s impossible to do awards, Star of the Week, etc fairly at the minute.

DC1’s teacher (Year 5) is still doing it. DC1 was Star of the Week a few weeks ago, which he was very pleased about, but i agree with pp, it absolutely feels like a prize for the parents at the minute. It’s not anywhere near a level playing field at all because everyone’s circumstances are so different.

DC2’s teacher (Year 2) hasn’t done Star of the Week once since lockdown started, which does seem fairer, although I am a bit puzzled about one year group doing it and one not, when they’re both at the same school.