School giving out awards.

[ottermadness]

Full disclaimer: mum of 4 finding homeschool v difficult. Worried I’m becoming bitter.

School are sending out awards from the teachers in the post. Social media full of very proud parents (understandably). However, all the awards seem to have gone to kids whose are either single child families or have at least one parent furloughed and sibling still in nursery.

I know it’s not about me, but I’m feeling totally demoralised by this. Is it really a good idea from school to do this?

I don’t like there being a public award system while children are having to learn like this, it does more harm than good.

But if they must do it, I don’t think they can base it on anything other than whether or not the children have done the work. You can’t complain about that. Of course it might mean that children who haven’t done the work because the parents haven’t been able to support it won’t get rewarded, but they won’t expect it. I feel worse for children that have been doing all the work and who don’t get mentioned.

Our school is still doing the weekly ‘Head of School Award’ for each class and DS(5), Year 1, got upset once because he hasn’t received one (he did in Reception).

However, despite being a SAHM I cannot get home to engage with schoolwork - he is so distressed at not being in school that he fights most attempts at getting him to do any work, and what he does so is mostly a poor effort. The school have told me to back off from the timetable as we don’t want him to disengage with education any further. So, I gently explained to him that the children who get awards are those who do their very best and work hard. May or may not be true, but we are certainly not getting an award just because I’m a SAHM and he’s massively struggling emotionally just to give him some sort of boost - that is sending the wrong message. The only thing my child needs right now is to be back in school.

@NailsNeedDoing

I don’t like there being a public award system while children are having to learn like this, it does more harm than good.

But if they must do it, I don’t think they can base it on anything other than whether or not the children have done the work. You can’t complain about that. Of course it might mean that children who haven’t done the work because the parents haven’t been able to support it won’t get rewarded, but they won’t expect it. I feel worse for children that have been doing all the work and who don’t get mentioned.

That’s my eldest child - doing all the work, granted not extensions and extra tasks but all work set. Having to work at odd times, around our jobs and nothing, no mention when star of the week and special mentions are being given. One mum gloating on Facebook, who doesn’t work and it felt like a kick in the teeth. It’s just the way it is that some of us work but don’t make our children resent us working! I feel really bad for my child as each week they ask if they’ve won any of the awards ☹️

I don't understand your post...do you know the level of work the other children being celebrated are putting in? What's to say their work isn't as good a standard as your own child? Why are boiling down their achievements based on their circumstances? And do you know EVERY detail of their circumstances which justifies your resentment ?

School reward systems suck.
Is your dd aware of it all? If she's not the. I'd be grateful that she was being spared this crappy area of primary schooling which is thankfully toned down in secondary.
I'm a single parent but my kids weren't awarded extra but my kids observed that if you were generally badly behaved with some good behaviour thrown in occasionally then that got you lots of certificates etc

@Hallomi, I think I’ve been pretty clear. No where have I said I resent celebrating achievement where it is due. But homeschool means that the factors you mention in your questions can’t be known by myself or the teachers who are giving out awards.

If you need more context my eldest is just 5.

@marshmallowfluffy

School reward systems suck. Is your dd aware of it all? If she's not the. I'd be grateful that she was being spared this crappy area of primary schooling which is thankfully toned down in secondary. I'm a single parent but my kids weren't awarded extra but my kids observed that if you were generally badly behaved with some good behaviour thrown in occasionally then that got you lots of certificates etc

Nope, DD not aware thank goodness. Just me feeling like I’ve failed her by not being able to do enough!

I'm against them completely but especially at the moment. I don't know the parents circumstances in my sons school so no idea if they are working or not. What I have noticed though is the kids getting the awards are all the ones where the parents have made comments themselves on teams, like for example 'Jodie found this hard' or 'Jodie is working so hard at home'. My son is finding it all very hard, we can only give him minimal support because we are working but he is doing every task they set. He won't get an award though because I'm not sitting posting stuff on his behalf on Teams so the teacher has no clue. The worst is where I see the 'kid' has posted but its so obviously been typed by the parent. 'I nearly gave up today Mrs Smith, but then I did my mindfulness exercises and gave it another go'.....award goes to that child.

I totally agree with the award system being flawed. I work 3/7 a week as I’m a nurse and my husband has my youngest 1 of those days, the other 2 he’s at school. On his school days he does less work set for that day then when he’s at home so he’s always behind. I totally agree it’s an uneven playing field as we were constantly trying to catch up. I now don’t submit any work on google classroom as the teacher doesn’t mark it anyway just says well done etc.. I just make sure he’s does English maths spag tables and reads. It’s taken the pressure off somewhat.

@Wearywithteens

People bragging on social media for ‘pat on the head’ certificates from primary schools baffle me - are they really that needy? Is it really that much of an accolade to them? Do they realise it’s just another tool that the schools use to keep up morale and not some forensically assessed parenting award?

OP - I get why it’s annoying - but two things - stay off the social media accounts of beggy people and be your own judge about how well you and your children are doing. You don’t need validation by ten a penny school certificates.

I completely agree but as the teacher keeps mentioning it in zooms then my eldest will ask who got it, who got other awards. Sounds pathetic but my children are having to put up with a lot (as are a lot of children) whilst we’re both working so it feels like it’s against them personally when I know it isn’t.

I now don’t submit any work on google classroom as the teacher doesn’t mark it anyway just says well done etc.. I just make sure he’s does English maths spag tables and reads. It’s taken the pressure off somewhat.

Oh dear. When I marked work directly on to the sheet in google classroom, too many parents complained they had to bother looking at it and "why didn't I just write a comment". Really can't win. Absolutely agree with do what you can, but it's a bit rich hearing that you just want to do your own thing when last lockdown people were moaning that they wanted more direction from school.

No, it's horrible at the moment with the pressure people are under to add to it. We send a sentence at the end of every week to every child, and pick out something great they have done during the week, so they all recieve something, and it's always personal to them. It takes a little bit longer at the moment, and to be honest sometimes it takes a bit of thought to find something different to the week before, but it seems to have been recieved really well. It's not a big sing and dance about it, just gets sent over on a Friday afternoon and they can read them, delete them, whatever! They also then add something they have enjoyed or are proud of.

DCs school does this. As they do every week in assembly in normal times. I see no issue with it. Everyone gets their turn at some point. And it’s very motivating when they do.
I’d say the teachers are probably dealing with a lot right now, and whilst they should maybe be more sensitive to children of working parents, I doubt it’s top of their list right now.
I don’t blame you for feeling bitter though. I prob would if it wasn’t for the fact that both DC got awards in the last 3 weeks which gave them both a boost (DH and I both work and on calls etc ... DC get very little help from us).

* . I can totally understand parents being proud and wanting to show that off. *

I can understand the pride (although what kind of “awards” are we talking about? Best cardboard rocket?)

Showing off on social media is just... odd

@Wearywithteens

People bragging on social media for ‘pat on the head’ certificates from primary schools baffle me - are they really that needy? Is it really that much of an accolade to them? Do they realise it’s just another tool that the schools use to keep up morale and not some forensically assessed parenting award?

OP - I get why it’s annoying - but two things - stay off the social media accounts of beggy people and be your own judge about how well you and your children are doing. You don’t need validation by ten a penny school certificates.

This.

PreCovid, I once went through two terms newsletters to record all the names of kids with special shout outs/mentions. This wasn’t for my own child, who had the average number, but for a couple of kids in the year, including ones with SEND and home troubles that I know about, who I hadn’t seen get a mention. Their parents were really down about, so I decided to do something.
I booked an appointment with the Headteacher and showed them, kindly, that some kids had 15 or 20 mentions and others have none. He was horrified at the oversight when presented like that. We had a very constructive chat about it. I don’t expect the “everyone wins a prize” mentality, but families looking week after week for their child’s name and not seeing it is demoralising.
Result was the whole system got an overhaul and there is now a chance for everyone to shine in different ways. Families are happier.

@Barbie222 you’ve missed the point of my post. It was very stressful trying to keep up as the 2 days my child was at school he wasn’t doing the set work, therefore we were always behind. I’m not criticising whether the teacher marked it or not, we still do set work but I don’t submit it, and this has taken the pressure off as to whether he gets a mention for completing all the work or not. So for clarity it not about you, and I’m not criticising the teacher. They are doing the best they can as are we and that has to be good enough at the moment.

We got sent a pack of the headteacher's uber super dooper mega shiny special stickers to use for any work that we felt was really notable as we saw fit over the lockdown. These normally have massive kudos in the school as they're a semi rare thing to get (unless you're a couple of certain families who get them every week and make sure everyone knows about them).

@BluePeterVag what an excellent idea!

As schools, we are judged on levels of engagement. We are obliged to do something to try and encourage it. Other primary schools I know are phoning round parents who haven't submitted all the work. My school thought a carrot rather than stick approach would be preferable for parents.

Carrot is always preferred but honestly how do teachers actually know how hard the kid is working or how much help they are getting? How can they realistically judge it at the moment? I taught my son a maths strategy the others week to do some of the sums. He has got the hang of it and as such his maths sheet which is meant to be a timed 10 minute exercise is being completed in full within the 10 mins. Previously he only managed 1 out of 3 colums on average. The teacher gave feedback saying 'remember to set a timer for ten minutes and stop after that'. Basically she doesn't believe he can now do the sheet.....but she's not there so how would she know?

I don't understand how everyone seems to know every other parents work and person situations especially the poster who claimed their child noticed everyone who got awards had SAHP

@YerAWizardHarry I think many ten year olds would know the circumstances of their friends, and hence their siblings too. We happened to know all the families this week. I can tell you which of my friends from 30 years ago had parents who worked, and who didn’t. And no, of course we don’t know their precise circumstances intimately, but I know that a SAHP with two primary aged kids has got a hell of a lot more time to spend on home schooling than a parent who works full time.

This does annoy me. DS’s infant school has a weekly Zoom assembly where 10 or so children are nominated by their teachers for doing particularly well/trying hard.

DS gets upset because he’s not mentioned. He’s trying hard at some things and coasting on others but it’s not incentivising him to try harder. I doubt it would for most 7yos.

@SellFridges I get knowing your friends situations roughly but my 8 year old wouldn't be able to tell you what even their best friends parents do for a living except if it was something unusual (e.g. one of his friends dad's works on a cruise ship)

Also there are more than 100 kids in his primary year alone, I don't even know half of their names let alone what their parents are upto every day