I live with DM and her partner at the moment, was supposed to be moving out but covid and other circumstances happened but that's a whole other thread.
DM and partner have been together 19 years and I've never been that fond of him.
Anyway, we live in a block of flats and in the building we have a young Thai woman with her daughter, a black family next door and a Turkish family. All of them are lovely people. We all talk when we pass eachother and everyone is polite. If my mum's partner is talking about them in conversation, for example if he says he was talking to them today, he refers to them in these terms which I find disgusting. He has never referred to them as just the people/family/lady/man etc. He has to make some sort of derogatory comment. For example talking about the black family next door he has referred to them as [redacted by MNHQ] the Turkish family below he has referred to as [redacted by MNHQ] and the Thai woman and her daughter as [redacted by MNHQ] he has said many other variations of these terms but I never said anything to him because I didn't want to cause a problem. I have a DD who is almost 3 and she is repeating alot of what we say so I have started to make it clear that I don't like these terms and why. I have never been ok with them but I don't want DD to think this is ok. I know I can move out and we will, but surely telling him these things are wrong should stand whether I'm living here or not.
Today when he used this term I shook my head and rolled my eyes and my DM noticed, she told him to stop with those terms. He then took the dogs out and text my DM to say he feels that he can't say what he wants in his own house, and that he was brought up using these terms so there's nothing wrong with it and it's funny. He also told her that he has friends which he uses these terms with and they laugh it off and they call him "whitey or vanilla" back. So that's makes it ok.
AIBU to say that this is wrong? Even if he does use these terms with his friends, that doesn't mean that's ok to use them for everyone but he disagrees. He says he's not racist but I disagree. I have never heard him talk about someone who isn't white without using something derogatory.
Tell me if I am wrong, because I'm living with them (even though it's my mum's house not his) should I keep my mouth shut?
[Post edited by MNHQ to remove offensive terms]