to ask how to make friends in your 50s?

[Chiccie]

Lockdown has made me realise I need to make new friends when this is all over! How do I even do this? I know people but it’s always me reaching out and trying to make plans. How do I make good quality friends. The kind who actually want to do social things with me. Aibu to think that everyone’s already got their friendship groups by their 50s and it’s really hard to meet new people at this age? How do I make new friends!

Invite a neighbour to join you for a short walk, and see where that takes you. Don't pressure people. Be friendly and interested. Don't interrupt them

Most people have established friendships in their 50's, and limited time for new friendships, but they will make time if they want to

I used Meetup. I met people through one of their walking groups and found common interests, cinema, pub gigs etc.

If you have one of those neighbourhood apps - start a walking/chatting group or a book club or similar (anything that you would like to do) There are other people in the same position who would love someone else to reach out. You just need to be careful that you don't end up doing all the organising whilst the others make friends with each other.

Do you work? Most of my 'good quality ' friends are former colleagues. I think it also helps if you live in one place for a long time and don't keep moving around. I think we need to know a bit more about your circumstances.

I think it can depend where you live.

Some people will be stuck in their little habits, but I can think of many 50 years old who have a much busier and interesting social life than younger folks! Their children, if any, can be left alone at home, they have more money, more time, more freedom in that way.

I think the best way is through hobbies and clubs or charities. Do something YOU are interested in, meet people through that and friendship can grow.

Post Covid - walking/cycling/swimming/local history/conservation groups.
Volunteer in community centre/charity shop/library
Help out at Cubs/scouts/brownies/guides etc

I was in a similar situation and friends have come from a martial arts class, parkrun and two neighbours.

I don't know but I want to do more yoga in a class when this is all over. I will pick a place near me so there's a chance the people there live locally.

I have that problem where if I go somewhere the younger people exclude me. I am 50 now and a few years ago, at a book club, I was kind of edged out. I could see the 30 somethings were delighted to be meeting each other and socialising but whereas I looked at them and saw potential friends, they looked at me and saw somebody older than a potential friend.

So, it is hard! Not impossible I hope.

We started running, went to and volunteered at parkrun, joined a running club. We’ve made so many new friends at 50+.

Also, I couldn't finish it because my youngest was only 11 and I felt I couldn't leave him alone for two hours in the evening after having been at work all day as well, but I started a sewing course in the local night school in about 2016 and it was 70% women my age! which was kind of refreshing. The younger ones were in the minority for once.

When this covid stuff is over, I will sign up for that class and hope that the age profile is the same..

It's really hard when you're a single parent as well because some married women don't see you as an appropriate friend. I don't think they're consciously aware of that. They've othered you.

There are loads of ways you can tackle this, you just need to proactive.

I love reading so I started a book club and I've met some lovely people that way. Whatever your hobbies are im sure there's a club for that so join up and see hiow it goes.

Not that I did this for making friends but I got a dog a few months ago and bloody hell, I have met so many new people that way. I take my pup out every lunch hour and try and walk four laps of the field to get my steps up, not it's getting impossible now as I know so many people there I just stand and chat whilst the dogs have a ball

I think the suggestion of a walk is a good idea. Whenever that's suggested to me, I always say yes!

Join an existing group who are friends who will let you in.
The problem of course, may be finding them.
Ask people you know already and like, to recommend them.

But maybe that is just me. I have different groups of friends.
I would find have singular friends ok, but sounds like you want more than that.

@TheWitchCirce yes that’s the exact issue I have. Just had it. Had a coffee group going and realised three of them had buddied up together and I wasn’t invited. I don’t need a social group. I want one or two individual friendships that I can rely on. People who want to go out at the weekends!

For everyone saying start a book club how exactly do you do that? How do you get people to join?

Maybe it’s time for a dog?

I’ve also been thinking about moving area. I live somewhere where everyone seems to have friends they’ve known since primary school! It’s impossible to get any of their time as those friends always take priority. I need somewhere that people “move to later in life”

It's a bit like dating

you don't expect to click with every single man you date. Same with friends, male or female.

There are so many posters on this forum I couldn't be friends with in real life, or even talk to

I am over 50 and have moved around quite a bit but find it really easy to make friends but, as others have said, you have to be proactive.

It's obviously much harder in Covid times but I join groups, WI, clubs, community & voluntary organisations etc and that way I meet like minded people - some will become friends others will remain acquaintances but they will all 'widen my circle'.

Even now I have managed to find a volunteering opportunity and am off this morning, I've met a really nice, friendly bunch of new people.

And don't be too 'needy', offering to meet for a coffee or a walk as a 'new' friend is fine but don't get over keen with invitations.

Have you thought of the women's institute?
Plenty of "alternative " wi's about now. Also, due to lockdown, plenty of meetings taking place over zoom- try searching for WI wanderers on Facebook- its a non geographic WI group.

I'm on the committee of my wi, and we've recently done a member opinion survey. Our demographic seems to be 40s / 50s age range and the most common reason why people join is to make friends.

I’m only 48, OP, but I moved countries in early 2020, not long before the first lockdown here. Obviously it’s not been the best time to make new friends, but other than the parents of my eight year old’s new school friends — who are fascinating, and definitely becoming actual friends — I met one woman at an art exhibition, we got on immediately, and she invited me to come over for dinner, and another at a printmaking workshop, and a very nice geographically-scattered bunch of people at a drystone walling weekend who plan to meet again when it’s possible.

PS, you might be unlucky where you’re living, though. It may be nothing to do with your age. The last place I lived just didn’t have any of the type of people who appeal to me, and vice versa. It was a very solitary eight years, and all my friends were made via work in the nearby city.

@PageBaileyandbookanOR
That's interesting about younger friends. I am almost 60 and am lucky enough to have some good friends. But they are all my age or older. A couple of my closest friends are 70 and 75 - we were work colleagues back in my 20s and just clicked. One died recently aged 80.

I enjoy the company of people of all ages but have been unable to turn younger people into friends, just as you describe. With no younger close relatives, I can foresee a potentially lonely old age as well as having to deal with doctors and care homes alone (things I have been able to support older relatives and friends with over the years).

OP, I recommend being a bit brave. Once lockdown is over, and restrictions allow, suggest coffee to all kinds of people even if they seem unpromising as friends, and say yes to any tentative suggestions from others.. You may be surprised, and if not, then they may have friends you click more with or at least you have had a morning out and practice in chatting!

I think people are attracted to friendly people so building up acquaintances is a good start.

I also echo the suggestion of joining a formal ''make friends' group - one of my work colleagues found herself really alone through changed life circumstances about 10 years ago but just bit the bullet and joined one. Pre-lockdown she had a great social life, a lot of casual friends she could rely on to go to the theatre or an event with, and a few closer friends have grown within that.

I'm in the same boat and I did move to a new area about 6 month's before lockdown and know precisely no one apart from my married daughter! I worked but alone in an office and now permanently from home, It's difficult!

I'm in my 50s...I've had some success with making friends in book groups and also the bumble app friend making section.

I've also made a couple of friends in their late 20s/30s through work, but it's a different kind of friendship in that I wouldn't be expected to be invited (and wouldn't want to go!) to an all 30s party, drinks etc, but do meet up with them on a 1-1 basis.

It is hard though, and I've had the same thoughts about moving to a different area and just starting afresh and throwing myself into making a circle for myself.