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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask how to make friends in your 50s?

37 replies

Chiccie · 06/02/2021 08:40

Lockdown has made me realise I need to make new friends when this is all over! How do I even do this? I know people but it’s always me reaching out and trying to make plans. How do I make good quality friends. The kind who actually want to do social things with me. Aibu to think that everyone’s already got their friendship groups by their 50s and it’s really hard to meet new people at this age? How do I make new friends!

OP posts:

marmitegirl01 · 06/02/2021 09:39

Just keep inviting people and some will stick. - I now have a couple of good friends from dance class and work who put equal effort into the friendship- they organise invites too!! ( that was important to me too!)
Also try Bumble (app) it’s not only for dating - you don’t have to sign up for that - there is a friendship side and can message women local to you. I’ve done well out of that. It will happen don’t give up xx

lidoshuffle · 06/02/2021 09:44

The WI is good - it's not just jam and Jerusalem these days (but activities do vary group to group).

longestlurkerever · 06/02/2021 09:47

I'm a little bit younger but would like to make more friends, particularly locally. It's difficult at the moment but I've been doing outdoor swimming regularly and have started to recognise the same people and have a little chat. If times were normal I'd suggest a coffee. I've made other friends through volunteering at woodcraft folk or just turning up at the same cafe every week. It's a little community one and people do chat. A bit like having a local pub I guess

swampytiggaa · 06/02/2021 09:50

I made really good friends through parkrun. Lots of people walk and volunteers are always very welcome if you aren’t a runner.

parkrun lead to me joining a running club (we’re very casual 😂😂) and I have made loads of friends of all ages.

Good luck!

ScribblingPixie · 06/02/2021 10:03

I've heard people recommend U3A.org - I think that's where I'd look.

BikeRunSki · 06/02/2021 10:05

Similar to U3A, have a look and see if WEA have any classes in your area.

treeeeemendous · 06/02/2021 10:24

Are you early 50's or late 50's? Are you still working?

Libraries usually have book groups, but it may be as simple as asking on Facebook in your towns group if anyone knows of any. U3A is great but you will be too possibly be too young, it's retirement aged people. The local WI here is definitely still doing things over zoom.

I would also agree with finding a course of interest, in the hope of finding like minded people. My other thought would be volunteering. There is a lot of groups set up right now.

Labobo · 06/02/2021 10:35

I think, just do the things that most interest you and you gradually befriend people with shared interests. If you love art don't just go to galleries on your own, sign up for an art appreciation class or a course in art history or go to some of the lecture seasons run by the gallery. If you like running join a running club or ask on local whatsapp/FB groups for a running buddy who is the same level as you/wants to train towards the same goals.

Don't approach everyone you meet as though they might be your next closest friend. That might be off-putting. Just enjoy the time you spend with them and allow things to develop gradually. It took me ages to realise that some of the best friendships aren't at all intense.it's great to have a friend you just run with twice a week, chat about this and that and maybe go for a drink at Christmas. Have a few friendships like that and you gradually have a network of friends with shared interests.

If you are genuinely seeking a more intense friendship, do something where opening up on a deep level is actively encouraged - anything from group therapy to creative writing as this sort of thing will fast track the depth of sharing. But don't underestimate light, easy surface friendships. I thrive on those now.

Also, in lockdown, I find a few friends from decades ago have been in touch which was lovely, and some school and uni friendships have rekindled. If you vaguely know and like someone from years ago on FB, join their chat.

Original poster

Chiccie · 06/02/2021 17:01

Thanks for all the tips. Early 50s and not working which is a major issue. I’ve historically made friends through work but with the current economic situation and my age finding a job is like trying to find a unicorn!

OP posts:

ScribblingPixie · 06/02/2021 17:23

Have you seen they're looking for tons of people to work on the Census, Chiccie? Paid work. All levels. The other suggestion I have is to volunteer on an outdoorsy project - caring for local woodlands etc. The people I see doing this when I'm walking my dog are all 50+ and seem to be very sociable - it will be allowed before indoor activities too.

Mary46 · 06/02/2021 23:14

It is not easy. I walked with 2 mums but we havent the past year since Covid. I do miss that. 2 friends dont drive so its hard. I texted one and we said we do lunch if places ever open up again!! Im 48. Not that easy make friends I think..

Nanny0gg · 06/02/2021 23:20

@Chiccie

WI. Seriously.

They are absolutely not Jam and Jerusalem any more. You also don't have to be able to knit or bake - but if you do there's probably a sub-group for you.

All ages. Some are really into activism. Some just want the friendship. Mine has numerous sub-groups - walking, dinner, lunch, craft, book etc. You can 'try before you buy' and go to different ones till you find one that fits. Speakers are often fascinating.

I've lived here 40 years. It's incredible the number of women I didn't know before...

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