To not donate?

[Embarrasedaf]

My friend constantly sends me links to fundraisers she’s involved with every month or so, with the implicit expectation that I donate. There’s been a range of different things from charity donations to fundraisers for her NHS trust.

She posts these all over her social media and I feel compelled to donate, especially as most of our mutuals get involved too. It’s very “public” - donors & donations are listed on the website. I have donated £20-50 each time, anything lower seems rude almost?

Recently her loved one passed away from a certain disease, so she’s set up another fundraiser with the proceeds going to a charity for that disease.

My financial situation isn’t the best at the moment and I can’t afford yet another donation, even though it’s a really personal cause for her. I feel like even a token £10 wouldn’t be enough as everyone has donated at least £50. I feel pressured as she’s sent me the link multiple times so I can’t just ignore it. AIBU for not donating?

£50 a pop !? I’m not surprised she keeps badgering you when your pockets are that deep.

Put a tenner up if you want to. I bet you everyone else will be sat at home secretly relieved that someone has finally stopped with the silly money and copy you next time- rather than judging you.

What would happen if you asked her donate to a charity of YOUR choosing?

Maybe in future you could tell her you can’t afford to donate yourself right now but you’ll help by sharing the link? Don’t feel like you have to do it if it’s just going to annoy your friends though!

It's her grandad not her child or husband

No

Just stop donating
Delete or hide the texts
Stop as you can't afford it

Even when I could afford it pre Covid I only ever donated £5 on rare occasions and £10 at most, you have created a rod for your own back. So best cut it off, as you don't have the money. What normal person tries to out charity donation into credit card that they can't afford?? You are being ridiculous and it's her grandad !!! Nor even her mum or husband..

This friend that sends you links to fund raisers all the time, maybe DELETE THE LINKS !! And if that's all she sends you, delete the friend

What would she say if you were honest with her? Say that you're not comfortable with any donations you make being so public, you prefer to donate to charity privately. And that you're feeling pressured to give each time, even though you're sure she doesn't intend that.

If she's embarrassed and claims she hadn't thought about it from your perspective, then all good. If she gets huffy, then she's not a friend I'd be keen to keep.

Wow, you are very generous.

I don't donate to charity on the request of any friend unless they have asked in lieu of a birthday gift.

Imo charity is very personal and fundraising continually through friends seems like a quick way to lose them.

Please don’t feel pressured & definitely don’t use a cc . I only donate to children in the family who are fundraising as I do have two personal charities I give to each month . I personally find people who constantly send links to charities & go fund me pages pretty annoying & delete their posts .

ignore them OP ... focus on your own financial health 🌺

Does your friend donate to these charities as well or just set up the fundraising pages and pressure her friends into donating so she gets all the glory?

Maybe send her some links to charities you like...

Ignore her op. If she persists do as "willowman* suggests.

" I feel pressured as she’s sent me the link multiple times so I can’t just ignore it. AIBU for not donating?"

So she's directly pressuring you, not just putting up a facebook post or similar and letting people get on with it (or not)? She's actively keeping tabs on who's giving what and guilting chivvying those who don't?

Fuck. That. Shit.

Next time she sends you the link, I'd respond with something along these lines:

X, I see you've sent me this link again. In the past 12 months you have sent me links to x fundraisers, to which i have donated £yyy. I am now all tapped out. It does not seem to have occurred to you that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I can't afford to constantly be shelling out for your causes? Am I your friend, or just a donor? Please, stop trying to spend my money, especially when I don't actually have any. Yours, affectionately but skint, Y

I detest this sort of behaviour. It's a form of glory-hunting, as they are undoubtedly praised by the charities for raising funds. But the effect on their friends, she could as well be involved in MLM.

She's doing it to make herself look good so that she can say 'look how much I raise for charity!' If you can't afford it, say NO. Its all well and good raising funds for good causes, but to keep harassing the same people with the expectation that they regularly donate is dreadful.

I definitely wouldn’t feel pressured to donate £20-£50 every time. Donate £5-£10 if that’s what you can afford. If everyone donated that then a lot would still be raised. Don’t be affected by the amounts others donate. Perhaps because you have also donated your friend thinks you can afford it.

member of my family pretty much the same, posts first, then messages that begin "I notice you haven't..."
Followed by me muting, then blocking the social media pages, and eventually discovering they never donated to their own fundraisers, just took the glory.
Only ever donate what you can afford, and only for a charity close to you.

Don't donate anything. Ever. If asked, simply state that charitable giving is a private thing and you aren't willing to do it for show.

Then live your life as you see fit, giving to the charities you wish, as you wish. Without making a song and dance about it.

If you cant afford it, you cant give it.
Who cares what she thinks, a true friend would understand, if she has issues with you not donating then she clearly isn't your friend at all.

The thing is though even a millionaire can only help some people and causes some of the time. You can't give to everyone. That's not being cold or callus
that's just a,fact. £20-50 A time is a lot of money.

I stopped donating a long time ago as it seemed to be every week a begging post popped up.

I couldn't keep up with them all and I couldn't afford it.

I do and will give to local to me charities, the air ambulance, mountain rescue and the RNLI.

And I will sponsor people who are massively leaving their comfort zones, but my mate who runs every other day that wants sponsoring to run a race, not a fucking chance.

I would completely ignore any begging fundraising expectations. Just scroll by. She wouldn't be cheeky enough to actually ask you outright would she? If she does I would just say 'can't afford to donate myself but good luck getting to your goal'.

I can't believe you were considering putting it on a credit card! You need to grow a thick skin and stop comparing yourself to others and worrying what others think.

@Embarrasedaf

My friend constantly sends me links to fundraisers she’s involved with every month or so, with the implicit expectation that I donate. There’s been a range of different things from charity donations to fundraisers for her NHS trust.

She posts these all over her social media and I feel compelled to donate, especially as most of our mutuals get involved too. It’s very “public” - donors & donations are listed on the website. I have donated £20-50 each time, anything lower seems rude almost?

Recently her loved one passed away from a certain disease, so she’s set up another fundraiser with the proceeds going to a charity for that disease.

My financial situation isn’t the best at the moment and I can’t afford yet another donation, even though it’s a really personal cause for her. I feel like even a token £10 wouldn’t be enough as everyone has donated at least £50. I feel pressured as she’s sent me the link multiple times so I can’t just ignore it. AIBU for not donating?

Ignore them. You will feel so much better when you do

Start donating anonymously (most of the websites allow you to do so) - and only if you really want to/can afford to. If she ever raises it, tell her you donated anonymously.

I get lots of these come via Facebook and I usually donate - but only if I want to - anonymously, and mostly just £10. Add them up over course of a year and it’s a lot. Unless it’s a very personal reason for a friend, and that has only happened once.

Plus, assuming you’re a tax payer, always gift aid. That gets the charity an extra 25% from the government. If the fundraising platform doesn’t do GA, then donate directly via charity website so it does.

Finally, if you are a higher-rate taxpayer, keep a record of donations for your tax return. Might mitigate a little all these donations.

If people are spamming me, I treat it as spam. Ignore, block, delete.

Sending it once every month? Already meh, but I guess it could be ok. Sending links multiple times to force my hand so someone else can look good? No way. Use your own money, bye.

Why on earth have you let her get away with this for so long? You might be able to afford it every month but £50 is a lot of money - what happens when you can no longer afford it and the precedent is set? A simple message with please don’t send me links numerous times, if I can and wish to donate then I will do but I’m finding the current set up pressurising and conscious that others may also and not feel comfortable in speaking up to say they cannot afford or do not wish to donate,