NC so this isn't linked to my other posts. Hope this isn't too long!
I've been talking to a guy from OLD for a while. We haven't met yet as the weather has been dreadful. We have a low key, light 'text relationship' (for want of a better term). Sending memes, dry wit, 'banter' (hate that word), it's not exactly deep meaningful conversation. Basically just keeping it light until we see if we like each other in person.
Our sense of humour has been pretty matched so far, no lead balloons, but something happened last night which has actually made me quite angry. Tell me honestly if it's me!
My DM is having some problems with her neighbour. I won't go into details but the neighbour is horrible to DM but seems to like me. After the latest event I've been rage fantasising about passively aggressively calling the neighbour out and making her squirm 
Something that MN would be proud of, friendly hi how are you conversation, then BAM 'oh, I'm surprised you haven't dropped a note in the door about the damage you did to xyz the other day and tried to cover up' with an innocent smile 
This is the sort of thing he and I would laugh about, so I told him. I made it very very clear I wouldn't actually do this. At the end of the day it's not my house and not my business. I did start the message with 'quick! hold me back! stop me doing something stupid!' but all in jest and as I say, reiterated at the end that it was all fantasy.
He told me not to 'cause a scene' 
When I asked what he meant he said it's not the 'done thing'. Again I asked for clarification in case I jumped to the wrong conclusion, but he went into waffle about how he was brought up to never cause a scene in public and be polite above all else.
I felt this was a dig, like somehow he thought he was better than me? 1) a friendly (if PA) conversation between two neighbours is hardly causing a 'scene'. I'm hardly throwing a tantrum in the middle of a crowded room. 2) I've never caused a 'scene' in my life and never indicated that's the sort of person I am, and 3) IT WAS A FUCKING FANTASY
I told him that there are many ways to be both assertive and polite. It doesn't have to be a drama, a TOWIE style aggressive tantrum, that behaviour is not my style and loses the moral high ground, but that doesn't mean I will accept people acting like shits.
Sadly I've come to the conclusion that was he actually meant was not 'don't cause a scene', it was women 'don't make a fuss'.
I asked him if he meant that I should just let people walk all over me (and my DM in this scenario). Does this apply to every situation without exception? What about if a stranger grabbed my arse? Am I supposed to smile sweetly and even thank him? At that he turned it on me, ignored that example, and shut down the conversation with 'I don't know what's got into you tonight but have a good evening'.
As an aside, he has made some awful 'jokes' about killing cats. Bear traps in his garden for the neighbours cat that shits in his, giving mine to the Chinese takeaway for bringing in a mouse (horribly racist!!), and saying if I ever brought a kitten home (to our imaginary house together) he would wait until I wasn't looking and steal it and drown it.
I'm sure he would say all of these were 'jokes'. But why does my joke mean that my manners, class and the way I was brought up are called into question? He would and has denied that this is about him thinking that women should behave a certain way but essentially he thinks he can do and say what he likes but somehow is entitled to police my (imaginary) behaviour, with subtle put downs that he thinks he's been brought up better than me, is better than me. FWIW I was brought up very well, private school, manners are first and foremost.
I can't even be arsed with the conversation to try and get him to see he was wrong. I doubt he'd listen and tbh we've never even met, I just can't be arsed discussing it and listening him either pretend I misinterpreted or missed a joke, or defend himself.
Am I overreacting? I'm going to have to just ghost him aren't I?