That parenting has changed

[Brieminewine]

I find I think about this so much more now that I’ve had a baby.

I’m a 90s kid, in my mind had a great childhood, lots of trips away, fun family time etc not much money but lots of love but when I got into my teens it’s changed. When I was about 14 my dad withdrew, I remember walking down a beach abroad and something being said like oh well it’s guna be one of the last chances to do something like this. It was more a bantery relationship after that and I feel as I got older they turned a blind eye to a lot I was up to (staying out all night, partying etc from 15/16) and now I think was it the time or was it the people?! Looking back I 100% wanted full control of my life, I had amazing friends and social life but was I too young to know what was best for me?

I’d say I’m close to my mum now but not in the share everything type of closeness that I’d want for my DD. I’ve turned out well good job etc and they always encouraged me so much with school work and careers etc but boys and general life zilch!ive never discussed any of this with anyone.

So I suppose my AIBU is, has parenting changed with the times or did I have a shit time and sugar coated lovely shared experiences but ultimately they let me down?!

@Wearywithteens

“Stuff like this is far more common. Kid dictates terms.”

I agree with this. And I think it stems from more ‘child led’ parenting guidance in the last few decades. These have been misinterpreted by the thick as ‘indulge your child and never say no to them’.

God yes this! It’s a total misinterpretation of “child led”. As I said earlier I work in Early Years, and we are child led in our approach. However we still have structure and boundaries, and no child is allowed to consider themselves above the rules.

I was a 90s baby, I was pretty much allowed to do what I wanted and gonehere I wanted from age 5 or 6. As long as I came home for tea there was no issues. I was never disciplined, never once been sent to my room or grounded. By age 13 I'd gotten in a few sticky situations including being sexually assaulted, i was allowed out all night, i was allowed to drink alcohol, I was allowed to smoke etc. And then I got pregnant at age 14. I have taken a completely different approach with my own children. I'm not close at all to my parents now, we talk once every couple of weeks and its only ever small talk about the weather or whatever. I always envied my friends relationship with their mums.

I'm not sure that even when I was a child in the 70s and early 80s it would have been very well-regarded to wallop your child in public if they were being a pain. Well not in the company my parents kept anyway. My parents never hit us or used muchun the way of punishment at all. A telling-off was sufficient, as it is with my dc. I find the worry about internet and social media use the most problematic aspect of modern parenting tbh.

I was an 80’s child and would never speak to my kids the way I’ve heard kids speak there parents. I was not beaten but can remember two hard smacks that made me stop and think and apologise to my mum.

We were out more, no screens , everything was imagination and playing, entertaining ourselves far more than now, Getting dirty was normal and being out in the fields and friends houses , gardens, friends coming over. So much fun 🙄 I feel for so many kids now. It was very laid back my childhood but then I grew up in a country that respects elders so much, it saying they don’t here but it’s slightly different. I remember sitting down in a chair in the pharmacy and an elderly lady grabbed my arm and yanked me up, didn’t hurt but she didn’t ask me if she could have the seat. I was so upset but my mum said you should have realised and gave your seat up, it’s called politeness for those less able. I was around 10-11 maybe.

I wouldn’t have sat in my room either in my teens 90’s again always out and no mobile. Definitely parents were less relaxed I think back then judging by all mates parents as well.

I remember we were looked upon as slightly odd for (among the many!) still having family holidays when I was a teenager and my oldest sister was 21/22. The general consensus of media at the time appeared to be that you "can't" persuade teenagers to come away with you because they all want to go to Benidorm with their friends when they're sixteen...

It was also a bit weird when people talked about curfew. I didn't have a curfew. On the other hand, if I'd just left the house without telling anyone exactly where I was going, why, who with, and for how long, all hell would have broken loose. (I remember feeling all transgressive when I walked to the shop a hundred yards away - mid-afternoon, with my own money - without anyone knowing.)