WIBU about husband's beard?

[cadoo1]

I feel awful.

For months my DH has been growing a beard. An awful, long, ginger beard. It doesn't suit him and he looks scruffy and old. Last night I realised that I didn't just not like it, it actually totally turns me off

So today I told him in no uncertain terms that the beard does not do it for me. An hour later he comes downstairs with a tidy, very short, trimmed beard.

Now he looks all sad and I think I've hurt his feelings. He's never told me he doesn't like my hair, or my face and I feel totally mean.

I did the right thing... didn't I!?

How would you react if he said the same about your hair?

Meh I don't like beards either so I'm with you op

Does his name start with a J? If so I might have spoken to you in real life about this

I think it's a bit mean. I might say "I prefer you with a tidier beard, but it's up to you". I'd be upset if DH said he didn't like my hair, unless if asked for his opinion. Fwiw I hate beards too

Also - grow your fanny and armpit hair out and see if he loves that.

I’m not the greatest fan of my husband’s beard, but it’s his face, his call. I wouldn’t tell him it doesn’t do it for me. He might say the same about my flab.

I've been told (as nicely as possible) that my husband doesn't like a certain hair colour on me when I've dyed it, but he waited until I'd said I was dying it again. I think if you'd told him you liked him both ways but the shorter beard really does it for you it might have been kinder?

@Duckberg

Does his name start with a J? If so I might have spoken to you in real life about this

Haha, no an S but I'm glad I'm not alone!

@Schleckie said it better than me!

Aawww. Don't feel guilty. Isnt it better to be honest. You wasn't being malicious.

I actually think you were really unkind. 'In no uncertain terms' is being very honest at best, very hurtful at worst. How would you feel if he told you in no uncertain terms to lose 10lbs/get a better haircut/wear nicer clothes?

People will say you’ve done nothing wrong, but the reality is if you’d come on here saying you felt like shit because your husband hated you with short hair or a fringe, they’d be calling him every name under the sun.

@CallistoSol

I actually think you were really unkind. 'In no uncertain terms' is being very honest at best, very hurtful at worst. How would you feel if he told you in no uncertain terms to lose 10lbs/get a better haircut/wear nicer clothes?

If it turned him off to a point he don't want to touch me I'd much rather he told me than not! It actually made me feel a bit sick and I know that's not nice - we've been married 16 years and I live him to pieces but the beard... nope!

My dp has said he prefers me with long hair. Thanks to COVID it’s a lot easier, when the hairdressers opened up for a short while he again said I may need just a trim. I’m not really fussed, it’s hair. If he prefers it long why would I upset him. At the same time I prefer a clean shaven man, I have also mentioned this to him. So far we both seem happy

I think if you both have open communication, there is nothing wrong with what you said. It's only facial hair and I think it's better to let him know it's not attractive to you, then for it to ruin your attraction to him. It's not really comparable to weight in my opinion.

If it turned him off to a point he don't want to touch me I'd much rather he told me than not!

So if you felt more comfortable with - say - natural pubic hair, but your husband wanted you to shave, you’d shave?

Why not say it in a nice way then OP? Why go straight to the make him feel shit option? You were unnecessarily cruel and that's why you feel rubbish.

My DH grew one and I told him: I hate it. No more sex until it's gone.

He shaved it off.

I hated it, so , so much

Someone (a male) told me a few years ago that beard hair was the same as pubic hair and while I wasn’t keen on beards before them, now I find them more icky.

Especially when you see some with very different head hair (ie straight) walking around with a face full of beard hair (sometimes waves). Ick.

My DH is on furlough and is growing a beard until he is back in work. I really dont like it, I may slip with the clippers when I cut his hair next.

@Thechase

My dp has said he prefers me with long hair. Thanks to COVID it’s a lot easier, when the hairdressers opened up for a short while he again said I may need just a trim. I’m not really fussed, it’s hair. If he prefers it long why would I upset him. At the same time I prefer a clean shaven man, I have also mentioned this to him. So far we both seem happy

That’s fine if you also like long hair. If you don’t and keep it like that to please him, why isn’t he worried about upsetting YOU?

If he looks upset then you could have been nicer about it. Do you usually lack tact?

Anyone else up for a mass lady garden/armpit/leg hair growing festival?

I'll try again... Mumsnet seems to be wobbling.
This is a tricky one.
Men are starting to experiment with their looks having moved away from the short back and sides. They're growing their hair longer and also their beards. And why not?
They've had to endure women turning their skin Orange etc.. and having slugs for eyebrows. Added to that, women have shaved/grown/shaped/waxed their pubic hair, filled their lips,bred, cheeks and had every hairstyle/hair colour known to man , so why can't a man just grow a beard?

Sorry... bred = brow