To put off TTC because of exhaustion?

[AryaStork]

I'm so exhausted at the moment because of work but I can't see that changing in the next few years. Changing jobs isn't an option as tbh I love my job but it's just exhausting. DH and I aren't getting any younger. I think I'm just really scared of the added exhaustion from pregnancy. I'm BU aren't I?

I 100% wouldn’t put it off because of work if I really wanted to have a baby.

Up to you really

Thanks for your comment @Claireshh.
I know that @TinyCake but appreciate others opinions.

There's never a good time to get pregnant and potentially have exhaustion, nausea etc is there?

You’re a commodity at work, so I wouldn’t make a life decision with an end date based on your workload.

Babies are exhausting. I had a crazy work schedule across multiple regions prior to having DC. I felt amazing during pregnancy, but post-birth with DC1, I didn’t sleep more than 2-3 hours a night without waking from newborn to 15 months old!! With DC2, they woke up twice a night until age 2.5!!!! So I’d worry less about pregnancy and more about life afterwards.

Sorry @AryaStork, didn't mean to come across so blunt. It's a tricky one. If you are desperately wanting to get pregnant and time isn't on your side then it might be worth having a month break and then carrying on. You also don't know how tired this pregnancy will make you. I was shattered for first trimester but then luckily had loads of energy for the rest.

Babies are exhausting so you’re just essentially swapping one exhausting thing for another. Pregnancy is tiring but I have a tough job and managed being pregnant, it’s harder going back to work with a child but you find a new normal.I’d say I’d put family life before work, in most work places you’re completely and utterly replaceable as shit as that sounds. It would be shit to look back and wish you’d started a family sooner if that’s what you really want.

It’s the baby that’s going to exhaust you, not the pregnancy. It sounds like you’re making excuses which means you’re not actually convinced you want a baby.

I found pregnancy far more exhausting than having a baby and mine were terrible sleepers. Pregnancy nausea and exhaustion was brutal.

I totally chilled about work during pregnancy
Somehow what I was doing just seemed to put things in to perspective

And oddly enough - I got offered a promotion whilst on maternity leave. So obviously didn’t negatively impact my career!

@PotteringAlong

It’s the baby that’s going to exhaust you, not the pregnancy. It sounds like you’re making excuses which means you’re not actually convinced you want a baby.

Well no actually, that may not be the case Best not to talk in such definitive statements when discussing pregnancy!

Sorry reading that back I've probably made myself sound a lot older. I'm early thirties but DH is almost 40. It's not so much my age that's an issue as I appreciate early thirties is still young enough it's just ideally we both wanted DC before DH turns 40.

What kind of work do you do?

I imagine there's very few jobs that are as mentally/physically exhausting as a new baby. Everyone's different though. Some love it so much the exhaustion doesn't bother them.

Thank you @Hagotcha80. I don't think I'm unconvinced about a baby at all, just thinking things through and trying to work out what's best for us. Maybe I'm just overthinking it though and am just scared about the prospect of the physical effects of pregnancy. I also have a joint condition which from reading other people's experiences, pregnancy can exacerbate it. But then that's not going to change the longer we leave it.

I was very tired in my first trimester but full of energy after that in both pregnancies right up to giving birth so exhaustion throughout is not a given. No way of knowing for sure though so you just have to weigh up if it's worth the gamble.

Pregnancy is always an unknown, I never had a day of nausea, maintained good enough ever by levels after the first trimester (where I worked, ate, slept, ate and slept), crippling heartburn but meds helped. I got a promotion while pregnant and worked harder and did longer hours than ever in my life but it was fine.

Some people are levelled by sickness, aches, pains and other unmentionables. You just never know till you’re there.

If you really want a baby you’ll find a way. If you don’t right now then put it off a bit. DH was an older dad with this one and he’s finding it great.

@PeachPiePip

You’re a commodity at work, so I wouldn’t make a life decision with an end date based on your workload.

Yes THIS-^^

I have been the ace indispensable employee and colleague but work will always change. I’d rather crack on a baby whilst younger

I found pregnancy grim but did it twice and didn’t lose my job. If you want a baby you will make it work.

I had HG in pregnancy and found it awful to work and had to be signed off at times. However you can not be fired from work due to pregnancy related illnesses. I have a very full on job and it’s quite intense.

I built up a good rapport before I fell pregnant so it wasn’t held against me. Also had a none sleeper and that was a bit of a killer but I survived off caffeine and chocolate. By the time we considered a second we were already tired so it didn’t make too much difference 🤣😂

Forgot to add if I was in your situation I would crack on, what if you struggle to conceive. You need to be trying for a year before investigations and most friends I know it’s 2-3 years before ivf starts.

@AryaStork

Thank you *@Hagotcha80*. I don't think I'm unconvinced about a baby at all, just thinking things through and trying to work out what's best for us. Maybe I'm just overthinking it though and am just scared about the prospect of the physical effects of pregnancy. I also have a joint condition which from reading other people's experiences, pregnancy can exacerbate it. But then that's not going to change the longer we leave it.

I have OA and RA, and can say that it would be preferable to do the heavier months in the warmer, drier months.

Ultimately, work will always be work and before pregnancy many of us prioritise it, but once pregnant and a mother, many find that their priorities have changed for the better.

Hmmm. Parenting is long term exhaustion. Unpopular truth.

That's a good point about warmer months @MotherExtraordinaire. Obviously it's hard to plan a pregnancy in terms of how long it takes but would you say in your opinion then it's better to start trying in say September/ October and then hopefully heavier months would be spring/ summer?

That's definitely the truth @Cornetttttto!

Thanks so much all for your opinions, it's nice to be able to talk it through

Not read all your replies.

Start ttc now if you want kids. Seriously there's never a perfect time and sometimes you wait but then it's too late.

I know people who have missed out on kids of their own because of waiting due to work/ career commitments. Whilst it makes sense to have security and stability it's still finding a balance.

I waited to ttc a second because of work commitments and now struggling.
If I don't have another, work will never thank me for being so committed and putting them before a child.

Good luck.

Hope you're able to have your 2nd soon @timeforanother1 I guess that's the other worry isn't it, if we put off having a first, will we struggle to have a second. Thanks for coming at it from a slightly different angle.

I imagine there's very few jobs that are as mentally/physically exhausting as a new baby.

If you have triplets maybe.

I don't know any people who would consider one small child more exhausting than work. To me, maternity was like a holiday. Pregnancy on the other hand was exhausting. Funny how we are all different eh...