to ask whether anyone has overcome low self-esteem?

[oggbogg]

And if so how? I am in my late 40s and outwardly probably seem OK. I don't think people would think I am especially confident but I sometimes do things that look as though I might be - give talks to large numbers of people, that kind of thing.

I have a lucky and fortunate life but MY GOD I have spent my whole life internally torturing myself with feelings of inadequacy. At the moment, these feelings are mostly focused on my career which I experience as a total humiliating failure. I punish myself for every mistake, I dissect everything I do and find it wanting, and constantly punish myself for that. It's so painful but I also know by now that if I didn't work for whatever reason, I would find something other way to internally tear myself apart.

Is anyone else like this and crucially what have you done if so? I have tried counselling and self-help books and sometimes they help a little but it seems my brain is set to function like this.

@DemandTheBest - not feeling heard or understood, seeking validation, oversharing with relatively random people in the hope that you will be heard/understood/validated.

How sad. Thank you for explaining.

@NoOpinionNoProblem

Don't want to suggest a self-help book as I agree with pp that they sometimes make you measure and scruitinise yourself further, but I recall reading a book about confidence and the general theme was that most people appreciate competence over confidence and it's a bit of a myth that a confident personality gets you wherever you want in life. I know it is not the same as self-esteem, but I think the pressure of constantly projecting a confident personality and needing to 'work' on it can be more damaging to your self esteem than anything else. It was an interesting read.

That is such an interesting and valuable insight. Thank you so much for posting it. It gives a different way of looking at the issue. I want to share this with my DS as he has big self esteem issues and would find it far easier to focus on his competence that faking confidence.

It helps to "polish the gold", or so I was once told, meaning that you build on your natural abilities, leading to confidence, rather than fighting too hard with talents which may never really develop as well.

A lovely teacher at my DC's school once gave a speech on Prize Day. She said, 'For everyone who didn't win a prize, don't worry. In life, to be successful and happy, you only have to find one thing you are good at that you enjoy and find a way of earning money from it. Just one thing. Doesn't matter then if you are rubbish at everything else.'

I found that very comforting and true.