DH and I are always in the same room

[hunkydorythefish]

DH and I are never ever in a room separately for more than 5 minutes in our house. It has always been this way. If we are both in the house, we will always be in the same room. If I want to cook but he doesn't, we go to the kitchen together etc.

Alone time is bathroom and work. I never minded this, it was just natural. There's no control element.

However, DH is a teacher and is at home several days a week now. I miss my space...I never realised how bad we were until I've just realised I wait until he's not home to have a long soak in the bath, I don't know why?

We work in the same room at home, we get lunch at the same time, we move into the living room at the same times and we go up to bed at the same time, we brush our teeth together and we fall asleep together. It's sickening.

How do I stop? it feels unnatural to not do it but I am becoming so very aware of the need for more space. I'm sure DH is too. He occasionally says he wants space and it lasts 5 minutes before he's back in the same room.

Anyone else!!!???

I hear ya! There's not a lot of options right now but sometimes I just spent the night in my room knitting, listening to podcasts etc, I just say I'm getting some alone time. Is this an option? Literally just be honest? I also take like 2 hour baths frequently, you don't need him to be out for that?

Would drive me bonkers OP.
OH are rarely in the same room together.

I like it that way.

Separate bedrooms is what you need.

It's habit. Break it.

Calling suffocation natural is a bit much.

That would drive me potty.

DH and I are often in different rooms. Right now I'm in the living room watching a film, and he's upstairs doing Zwift on his bike, but often we watch TV in different rooms too. We even take it in turns to walk the dog when we're both off work so we each get time home alone.

Can you not just go and lock yourself in the bathroom for a couple of hours? He can hardly stop you, surely.

Have you talked to him about it? Presumably he would be understanding if he says he needs his own space sometimes? Could you set time for you both to have a bit of alone time and break the habit of always being together? Maybe he doesn’t know you feel this way.
This pandemic has really really taught me the value of my own space.

That would drive me mad. I'd just tell him to get lost for a few hours. But following you from room to room - euurggh, he sounds like a puppy not a man!

DP and I are currently living in a house share with no communal space except the kitchen - we've been living and working in the same large double bedroom since last March and we are so fed up of each other at this stage it's unreal.

Ooh, I couldn't handle that. It's just been me and my partner here since March. He potters there and I potter here and we often meet up for dinner and tv in the evening, but not always.

I wouldn’t enjoy that at all!

Could you both not go out for a walk at a different time. Get some headspace

I am so grateful we are able to work in different rooms. This would drive me insaaaane

You need our kitchen OP. It's so tiny you never get more than one person in there for any length of time as you'd just end up elbowing each other in the face. Cooking is very much a solo activity in this household

That would drive me mad! DH and I are rarely in the same room, we meet for lunch and dinner and bed and stop and chat for a few minutes during the rest of the day.

Could you start having baths more and sitting there with a book?

We're like this. I tend to get some peace while I make dinner though and he doesn't work from home but we used to work from the same office.
What would he do if you went up for a bath? Come with you for a chat? Maybe you could say you were going to read a book, or ask him to make you a drink?

Since he feels the same way, maybe have a talk and schedule some time apart. Go for walks at different times of the day. If possible, one of you can move to another part of the house for at least part of your working hours. Spend the evening doing something solitary. Maybe take turns doing the cooking or dishes, and whoever's turn it is to have the night off can have a little time alone.

I'd hate this. Can't you say "I'm just going upstairs for some alone time."

With us all bring at home together we've had to make sure we have different spaces to retreat to.

Are you me OP? I could have written this post. I was aware of it when we were both working out of the house, but it didn't seem annoying because it was only evenings and weekends. Now I am self employed working from home and he has retired and its sending me up the flaming wall!

We work in the same room at home, we get lunch at the same time, we move into the living room at the same times and we go up to bed at the same time, we brush our teeth together and we fall asleep together.

I am so sorry but I was reading this part, smiling, thinking of how wonderful it would be ...
and then

its sickening
it shocked me because you are living my perfect life I would live in DHs skin if I could.
wanna trade husbands?

We work in the same room at home, we get lunch at the same time, we move into the living room at the same times and we go up to bed at the same time, we brush our teeth together and we fall asleep together.

Do you need to dig a new patio? I honestly could not, and would not, live like that.

I had an ex boyfriend that stood outside the bathroom chatting while I was using the loo.
My house isn't small.
I felt strangled. It really did my head in. No amount of space could have changed him.
Shame he wasn't a Springer Spaniel I'd have been happy with that 👍

Say you have started meditating and disappear to the bedroom to exercise/ meditate/ read a book whatever - that way there is a reason not to be interrupted.

I'm not surprised you not buried him by now lol

Usually these threads are from people whose dp is extremely clingy and they disagree on whether this is bad. In this case though, you both don't like it, so what's the problem?