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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is everyone OK?

82 replies

Plussizejumpsuit · 02/02/2021 14:55

I'm really feeling like many posters on here are really not doing OK. The number of harsh, vitriolic, downright mean comments is through the roof. Yes I know I can just fuck off if I don't like it. I probably should. I'm also far from perfect but this feel like more than individuals.

I'm seeing so many posts which end in a pile on. Or just loads of really nasty comments regarding a fairly innocuous subject. It's like many people seem to think that something somone is saying is directed negatively at them.

Is this just a sign of the times? Are people just really stressed and taking it out on people here? Or am I imagining this?

OP posts:
anothernamereally · 02/02/2021 18:51

I'm not ok and can't even be bothered to type out why- it's the same reasons everyone else has

Meowchickameowmeow · 02/02/2021 18:59

I am ok, it's difficult to admit that when so many people are struggling but it just is what it is.

littlepattilou · 02/02/2021 19:06

@Plussizejumpsuit

I am not OK this week. I have good weeks and bad, and today is a bad one... I feel low, pissed off, fed up, sick of lockdown, and I am craving my old 'normal' life, where I could just get in the car and drive to the beach... (and not be trapped in my home, and chastised, and fined for daring to travel more than 3 or 4 miles!)

The POLICE were in my little town yesterday, wanting to know why people were there, and asking for proof that they live within 2-3 miles. FFS, it's starting to feel like a dictatorship.

Some days, I feel like I am surviving and not 'living.' I am on furlough, and in lockdown (with DH,) and I am seeing NO-ONE else. I am also wondering if we will have a job at the end of it all. Also, seven people I know have died in the last 6 months, (4 from covid.)

2 of them who died from covid were under 60.,

All these deaths are starting to freak me out. Shock

I am having really low days, and I don't have it anywhere NEAR as bad as some people. (Some people have no money, some have a business that has crashed, some have to work from home, and some have to homeschool their kids, and some have lost someone to covid....) Sad

And some are 100s of miles away from their loved ones. Mine are 20-40 miles away, and I can't see them- including our adult daughter, but she is only 20 miles away, so we can see her when lockdown is lifted.. Some people I know have family 100s of miles away, or abroad, and have not seen them since last March..

I feel blue today, and Captain Sir Tom Moore dying, and the new bastard strain of covid coming out has made me feel worse.

I feel like we are taking 3 steps forward, and 5 steps back EVERY WEEK. Sad

It feels never ending, and the light at the end of the tunnel that was shining brighter a few days ago, is dimming again. Sad

(((HUGS))) to everyone. I hope you are all OK (or will be soon anyway...)

littlepattilou · 02/02/2021 19:07

I mean I have good weeks and bad, and THIS WEEK is a bad one.

Pinkcanoftan · 02/02/2021 19:48

But this is the type of reply I'm taking about. Like what is this adding? It's just arsey

You're seeing aggression where there is none. I don't see that post as arsey, she's asking how you are? Maybe the poster missed where you said not great?

Silvergreen · 02/02/2021 20:03

I went through a phase of getting angry with people in the internet saying the 'wrong' things, but now I really do feel a deep seated empathy with everybody - regardless of circumstances or opinions. We really are living, together, through a terrible time.

Ghostlyglow · 02/02/2021 20:05

No. I'm not OK. Not even close. I go to bed and I hope I fall asleep and don't wake up.

BonnieDundee · 02/02/2021 20:35

@Ghostlyglow Flowers

livefornaps · 02/02/2021 20:49

I agree with @Pinkcanoftan. @Plussizejumpsuit, why come on here to say that people seem to be sniping and nasty and THEN proceed to snap and then complain at at length about a poster who asked how you are.

livefornaps · 02/02/2021 21:01

Don't get me wrong, I'm not having a go, I was just very surprised by that post

Original poster
Plussizejumpsuit · 02/02/2021 21:11

@livefornaps

Don't get me wrong, I'm not having a go, I was just very surprised by that post
Well it does sound like you're having a go. You know what I was just thinking this was actually quite a nice thread. But people have to have a go.

@Pinkcanoftan it's clearly passive aggressive. Don't gaslight me thanks. The pp who said I'm fine thanks also completely ignored the content of the post.

Also I'm not snapping I'm more than entitled to stand up for myself when someone is passive aggressive. I'm not going to ignore ethw exact behaviour I'm talking about. There's a total difference between rightly calling people out for behaviour and doing a pile on or having a go. Which tbh is what I feel is happening here.

So eh yeah thanks just when I thought mumsnet could be redeemed. I've actually realised it really is fucking awful.

OP posts:
livefornaps · 02/02/2021 21:21

I'm sorry @Plussizejumpsuit that wasn't my intention. I hadn't read the original post as passive aggressive. Your response seemed disproportionate. Nonetheless, I shouldn't have phrased my first post the way I did. Please accept my apologies

torquewench · 02/02/2021 21:28

I was shouted at by a stranger today. She was extremely patronising and rude to me - receptionist in a government building wouldnt accept an envelope as she said it contained "sensitive information" (it didnt, and she had no idea what was in it) so she couldnt handle it and Id have to put it in the post - but when I asked (politely!) she couldnt explain the logic as to why I couldn't hand deliver it but it's OK for Royal Mail to handle my "sensitive information" and why i had to spend most of my lunch hour queuing in a supermarket to buy a stamp, then put it in the nearest post box, which is OUTSIDE THE BUILDING IT'S BEING POSTED TO, to be handled when the post box is emptied, sent to a delivery office 5 miles away, handled again when being sorted for delivery, handled on delivery to the building and then delivered to the SAME RECEPTIONIST and then passed on to the relevant section. And there was a sodding post tray on a desk behind her! 🤔🤦🏼‍♀️

torquewench · 02/02/2021 21:30

(Ive mentioned this because her respose was way OTT, she was shouting for no reason)

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 02/02/2021 21:30

There's a total difference between rightly calling people out for behaviour and doing a pile on or having a go. Which tbh is what I feel is happening here.

There isn't a pile-on, OP. Really, there isn't. A couple of posters merely interpreted a previous post differently from the way you did. That's going to happen on any discussion thread. As a form of disagreement it's exceptionally mild compared with some.

FWIW, I believe the content of that post was probably a little tactless in a forum full of people saying how far they are from being okay.

On that note I'm sorry people are far from being okay. It's unsurprising. Imprisonment in your own home for the best part of a year, whilst even in the 'free' bits you're waiting for the next sentence to be imposed on your freedom, isn't conducive to a great sense of wellbeing. If someone had waved around that 'GOING ON HOLIDAY IS NOW ILLEGAL' headline just 18 months ago, they'd probably have been laughed out of town.

I'm sorry people are struggling. We just have to hope the phase we are going through now is the darkness before the dawn. This isn't forever. It may feel very like it at the moment, but it isn't.

Flowers
Blackberrycream · 02/02/2021 21:53

I don’t think it is ok. Something has been different. I have used this site under different names for nearly 20 years but the last 2 days have been shocking.There are two threads running right now on current news with some horrible comments. It’s not ok and it’s really mean spirited. It’s not really possible to respond as it just de rails everything and gets worse.
I left a thread yesterday after a really low personal attack. Mumsnet dealt with it but it’s still disturbing.

HereIfYouNeedMe · 02/02/2021 21:56

@Plussizejumpsuit we need a positive vides only thread. More of us are turning to MN as we can't see friends and family. We need a space that is just light hearted, maybe sharing anything that's made us laugh recently? Something that provides a break away from the hell we're living.... a 'let's be friends' thread. I'm up for it! To start, read the thread 'older boy licking nipple' it's brilliant!!! Haha
If you're up for a new thread I'm happy to create one ✌🏼

SoupForLunch · 02/02/2021 22:05

No, I'm not OK. I think a client at work is not OK either and he's taking it out on me. I've had a really tight chest all day and feel utterly overwhelmed most of the time. My baby wakes me four times a night, my DP's time with the kids sounds fraught and the flat is an absolute mess on the days I work. My body aches from working from my bed and there's no rest. Miserable.

12frogsincoats · 02/02/2021 22:10

Sorry @Plussizejumpsuit just thought I'd add some positivity to a thread that has been sad to read. Sorry you are not great. And sorry to hear a lot of you are pretty not OK either. I have struggled a lot this past 6 months or so but things are finally settling with a good mix of anti-depressants. So I was quite glad actually to think of the question 'are you ok?' and be able to think 'actually yes I am right now.'

MangoMask · 02/02/2021 22:12

Hi Plussizejumpsuit,

I just wanted to say, that I posted on AIBU a few weeks back and got my backside handed to me on a plate. Probably justified, and that's ok. I hadn't been thinking clearly because I was worried and it certainly put everything in perspective !! But I also had a few replies that were really kind. Yours was one of them and I remembered your user name when I saw this thread.

So yes, while there are posters who seem harsh, and I do get most are struggling and not ok, the nice ones still make a difference too, so don't change who you are 😊. It helped me and I thank you.

Original poster
Plussizejumpsuit · 02/02/2021 22:15

@MarieIVanArkleStinks I'm the tactless one? Your literally having a go at me on a thread where I've said I'm not ok and loads of people have said similar. Read the room. Same to those having a go it's not just one pp. Picking at me being disproportionate when I'm jsut trying to defend my self. This is exactly the shit I mean picking at every last thing. Just reflect on yourselves

I am fucking done with this shit show. Its a fucking cesspit. And yes this is disproportionate. But a few posters have completely backed up my feelings about this forum. There's nothing for me here.

I'm outy.

OP posts:
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 02/02/2021 22:17

we need a positive vides only thread

There have been some good ones. Music that makes you feel really good. Film and book threads. Not too many of them, granted, but some positive stuff is out there.

Staying well away from the Coronavirus board (unless it happens to come up in trending topics) helps my peace of mind no end. Ditto the news. In fact, thinking ahead any longer than a week threatens to overwhelm me. Now I just focus on getting through tasks a week at a time: reaching Friday, giving myself a pat on the back and pouring some wine.

If I look at the total demands on me and wonder how the hell I'm going to complete everything in the time allotted, I think I'll go barking. Small steps and tackling one small task at a time seems to work for me.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 02/02/2021 22:20

I'm the tactless one?

@Plussizejumpsuit I didn't say that at all. You're clearly feeling sensitive and I don't blame you, but please re-read my post. It will be clear to you on a calm second reading that I was referring to the post you'd taken offence to in the first place. I was sympathising with you.

The member who posted that has already apologised and said it wasn't intended in that way.

Pinkcanoftan · 02/02/2021 22:24

Pinkcanoftan it's clearly passive aggressive. Don't gaslight me thanks. The pp who said I'm fine thanks also completely ignored the content of the post.

I'm sorry you're feeling crap, as so many if us are, I was actually trying to help and to say that I did think the person was genuinely asking if you were ok. As for me gaslighting, blimey, I can't even begin to tackle that.

sittingpondering · 02/02/2021 22:38

[quote HereIfYouNeedMe]@Plussizejumpsuit we need a positive vides only thread. More of us are turning to MN as we can't see friends and family. We need a space that is just light hearted, maybe sharing anything that's made us laugh recently? Something that provides a break away from the hell we're living.... a 'let's be friends' thread. I'm up for it! To start, read the thread 'older boy licking nipple' it's brilliant!!! Haha
If you're up for a new thread I'm happy to create one ✌🏼[/quote]
I’d like a thread like this @HereIfYouNeedMe!
OP if you’re still reading, I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad. Flowers for you and everyone who is feeling awful.