Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What sort of things show insecurity in a man

34 replies

Honeypot42 · 02/02/2021 13:13

Man in his 40s I'm getting to know. Starting to notice behaviour but not sure if it's insecurity or a bad attitude.

Things like asking me what my ex does then saying how boring. Then reminding me he goes different places in his job.

He talked about someone we both knows child being attacked last week. I'm close to the boys auntie so updated him when the attacker was caught. He said to me today he never listens when people talk about others. Then he used my update as an example and said he was thinking hasn't she got anything better to tell me. He laughed but I almost hung up the phone. It felt like he was being childish as he's told me bits about other people's lives many times!

He can talk with respect about many People in the industry he's in. But he also will tell me the young lads are cocky or people think they know it all and they don't.

He says I confuse him alot in messages etc. Nobody else has ever had trouble with understanding what I am writing.

I told him my ex had taken me for a walk through a place he's working at ten years ago. He sort of said oh dear next subject.

His kids are grown up and he's been quite blunt about not being interested in people banging on about homeschooling etc. Also when I had a day feeling fed up about being stuck home etc with kids he said I was being so negative about everything.

Now I am finished with him. He's not my type at all based on this. But I am curious if this is low self esteem or just a cocky big head?

Alot of contradicting goes on too.

OP posts:
Sheleg · 02/02/2021 13:17

He sounds like a nightmare, to be honest!

DrManhattan · 02/02/2021 13:18

Controlling behaviour.
Yeah I'd leave this one

Summerdayshaze · 02/02/2021 13:19

Who knows. You’ll never know. Just be glad you don’t need to know.

Fascinationends · 02/02/2021 13:19

I wouldn't bother trying to figure him out if I were you, he sounds like a knob and I wouldn't waste any more energy on him. Low self esteem sounds like you are trying to excuse his behaviour.

Shoxfordian · 02/02/2021 13:21

He sounds like a knob
No need to overthink it

Chanjer · 02/02/2021 13:22

He sounds like a dickhead

Cpl654321 · 02/02/2021 13:23

This man is not insecure why would you think that? You're being waaaaay to generous.

This man sounds like a total arsehole.

Honeypot42 · 02/02/2021 13:23

He's getting right on my nerves now. At first he was interesting. Now he just makes zero sense and seems to just put others down including me.
I think he's insecure about loosing me. He loved me fast. Sent me gifts. But he's made himself really unattractive recently because he just seems ignorant. I thought at first he's just opinionated. But then it's becoming clearer over times it's deeper routed. I am not bigging myself up at all. I'm younger. I'm still youthful looking. I've got a mortgage etc and he hasnt got those things. I'm starting to wonder if he just isn't feeling confident and is extremely insecure.

OP posts:
Aimee1987 · 02/02/2021 13:26

It could be a bit of both but either way these are not fun personality traits

I had a brief fling with a guy who used to say how smart he was and how much he was more intelligent than his friends and work colleagues. It was pig headed and draining. Before I saw through this horrendous attitude I said well you can always talk to me. He instantly dismissed that and said I'm not sure that your quite at his level.
I stopped speaking to him a week or 2 later he was just not a nice person. He also threatened my in a kinda joket but actually you just threatened to hurt me unless I did what you said kind of way.
This thread reminded me of that guy. I'm glad I made a lucky escape and it sounds like you did as well.
Lifes too short for that kind of bollocks.

ReggaePerrin · 02/02/2021 13:31

I agree with you, OP. My ex would spend hours putting other people down, especially me and my family, and saying how great he was and that he deserved so much more (not in quite blatant language but that was the gist of it) but it turned out his sense of entitlement and grandiosity were covering the quivering child inside.

You're well rid!

Cpl654321 · 02/02/2021 13:32

@Honeypot42

He's getting right on my nerves now. At first he was interesting. Now he just makes zero sense and seems to just put others down including me. I think he's insecure about loosing me. He loved me fast. Sent me gifts. But he's made himself really unattractive recently because he just seems ignorant. I thought at first he's just opinionated. But then it's becoming clearer over times it's deeper routed. I am not bigging myself up at all. I'm younger. I'm still youthful looking. I've got a mortgage etc and he hasnt got those things. I'm starting to wonder if he just isn't feeling confident and is extremely insecure.
With kindness, why do you care if he is insecure? What does it matter?

If he is being a dick to you, does that make it ok because he's insecure?

If he's pissing you off, then stop speaking to him. The lovebombing and lots of gifts at the start is a huge red flag.

Honeypot42 · 02/02/2021 13:33

He's one of the rudest men I've actually come across. In one way he is spoiling me and tells me how he feels about me. But I've lost count of how many times I've thought what an idiot after a conversation with him.

He won't listen to anyone either. I tried to show him how to sort shopping online. He just asked me to cancel it both times because he was too impatient.

Not sure of the ins and outs but has nothing to do with his dad or brother now. One daughter speaks to him. The others not on his Facebook anymore and I think something has happened there.

It's all coming together now and I'm realising. I am not impressed anyhow. Really not attractive and not impressing me.

OP posts:
Cpl654321 · 02/02/2021 13:35

Omg please just cut contact with him every post you make he just sounds worse and worse

Meowchickameowmeow · 02/02/2021 13:38

He sounds like a right bell end, please tell us you've dumped him.

Honeypot42 · 02/02/2021 13:40

Don't worry I am. I'm just really disappointed I was sucked in. Thought he was a nice down to earth funny bloke. My last boyfriend was shy and not outgoing. So I thought he would be good for me being more confident and chatty. Turns out he's too far the other way.

OP posts:
user234987653 · 02/02/2021 13:44

You are so right about him that I am actually wondering why you have took the time out to post here.

You sound well switched on and, quite frankly, deserving of somebody way better than the waste of space that is the complete arsehole in question.

Tell you something though, it's bloody refreshing to hear from a woman on here who sees right through this kind of bullshit from a partner before it gets too serious.

Honeypot42 · 02/02/2021 13:47

I think I needed to chat about it. I walked away from the phone and thought what a jerk.

I messaged him and said in the future if you think I'm talking "nonsense" you don't want to hear have the decency to tell me. But just to remind you again, you were the one who mentioned the boy first so I updated you. He put back sorry that was a bad example. I said I hope you are not suggesting I am that type of person because I'm far from a gossip.

Shut him up anyhow. I have been seeing through it a few weeks now. But I just needed to be sure and now I see it clearly. Bad attitude.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 02/02/2021 13:50

Another post to express how good it is to read of someone not liking the behaviour then seeing through it pretty quickly. Without acquiring all the ties of children and joint finances.

FuriousWithTheNHS · 02/02/2021 13:51

He sound self absorbed and like he has a massive chip on his shoulder about something or other.

crumbsnamechange · 02/02/2021 13:52

Reminds me a lot of my ex. He LOVED putting people down. At first it started with bitching about my friends (who he barely knew), or people I mentioned, or his work colleagues. Then he started with me. And when I called him out on it, he'd say I couldn't handle him being 'obnoxious' and 'toxic', like it was my fault!

Sounds like you know what you will and will not stand for - keep up the good work.

BLToutanowhere · 02/02/2021 13:52

This guy sounds an utter tool. You know the plague? Avoid him like you would that.

Shoxfordian · 02/02/2021 13:53

Just block him already

Meowchickameowmeow · 02/02/2021 13:54

I messaged him and said in the future if you think I'm talking "nonsense" you don't want to hear have the decency to tell me.

Did you message him just now talking about the future?

Emeraldshamrock · 02/02/2021 13:55

Yep sounds like he is insecure.
When he starts sulking if you make plans without him you'll know it for sure.

Ladyface · 02/02/2021 13:56

Get rid - he sounds awful.