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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unsure if I should go through this round after 6 months of hell.

31 replies

hop27 · 02/02/2021 02:21

Have had 3 rounds of IVF previously, took 1 year off due to the emotional strain. New specialist recommended putting me into artificial menopause, for 3 months then a round of IVF. We then extended it to 6 months because I didn't feel mentally strong enough. I'm now faced with a choice, IVF or not. On the one had I'm so desperate to try again, all I want it to be a mum on the other hand I'm terrified of the merry-go-round and potential impact on my mental health if it fails.
I need to decide if I start stims in 10 days, it feels too soon but I don't want to waste the past 6 months of being chemically forced through menopause (which has been really tough)
AIBU to have gone through all this heartbreak to back out at the last minute. Or do I just need to force myself through this.

OP posts:
snowliving · 02/02/2021 04:19

You don't need to force yourself through anything.
Either choice is valid.
The last six months aren't wasted either way they have given you breathing space.
Now you can take either road.

diversity101 · 02/02/2021 05:10

No one can answer this for you but you shouldn't have to feel like you need to force yourself to undergo this procedure. I know it's complicated but your mental health is just as important as your physical health.

diversity101 · 02/02/2021 05:12

Is it possible to take more of a break and give yourself more space and time to figure things out?

Original poster
hop27 · 02/02/2021 06:53

I need to have IVF, before my body is allowed to have a period to give myself the best chance. This has been a horrible and expensive process, with the view it will give me the best possible chance to have a successful round. And I can't stay on the menopausal drugs any longer. The thought of more drugs (IVF ones) and emotional upset is confronting, especially as I've just been promoted at work. All I want is to be a mum, but not feeling very brave or strong at the minute. Sad

OP posts:
OiAlexaShutUp · 02/02/2021 07:01

Whichever choice you make will be the right one for you. But will probably come with more rolllercoaster emotions. If you decided to not got ahead with IVF, you stand the risk of mentally torturing yourself with the questions of 'What if?'. If you do go ahead, you then face the heartache if it's not successful and the roller coaster of pregnancy if it is successful.

If I was in your shoes, I know no matter which choice I made, I would probably spend forever doubting myself over it.

Russell19 · 02/02/2021 07:04

It's completely up to you obviously but when I was reading it I thought 'Will you regret it in the future if you don't have one last try?'
It must be so hard on you, be kind to yourself.

kikisparks · 02/02/2021 07:11

Have you been on those drugs for the last six months due to endometriosis? I completely sympathise with you, I’ve only had one fresh cycle and currently in the middle of a frozen cycle and I have moments I wonder “is it all worth it”? I think it will be if I have a child but it’s that lack of guarantee and I feel I’ve given up 4 years of my life to project make-a-baby with nothing to show for it, there must be a point at which I’ll stop.

You don’t need to force yourself through it at all. Does your clinic offer counselling? I’ve used my clinic’s counselling at my lowest ebb and it was helpful, it might be worth seeing if you can get an appointment for this week? Are you doing this with a partner? If so talking it through with them may help too.

kikisparks · 02/02/2021 07:11

Also congratulations on your promotion Flowers

WineInTheWillows · 02/02/2021 07:16

I think the drugs are probably making you hesitate and, if you stop, once the drugs wear off and your mood stabilises you may well regret not continuing and give yourself a hard time over it. Personally, I think having come this far I'd give it one last shot but let myself draw a line under it if it didn't work.

But then, that's easy for me to say when I'm not the one going through it. If it's too hard it might be time for you to stop and you don't need anyone's permission to do that.

FuckOffBorisYouTwat · 02/02/2021 07:19

Have you had some acupuncture. It can help reduce the side effects and which ever choice you choose help you feel less stressed.

Noreasonwhynot · 02/02/2021 07:23

Whatever you choose you sound bloody amazing and dedicated.
I really really hope things work out for you.

Original poster
hop27 · 02/02/2021 09:45

It's been tough but being given lots of clinic support, on anti-depressants also.
Just frightened of what will happen if it fails ... this was always our let's throw everything at it this round. Now I have stage fright ....

OP posts:
Original poster
Hop27 · 19/02/2021 10:30

I've gone for it. Egg collection booked for Monday ...... no going back now !

OP posts:
Schmoozer · 19/02/2021 10:35

That’s great - well done
I went through 3 rounds IVF / ICSI
It’s an emotional and physical rollercoaster you can’t imagine unless you are on it ....
Take care and keep other aspects of life going as much as you can, to try and relieve the sense of life being all about the ivf - tricky I know
Best of luck 🤞

Quit4me · 19/02/2021 10:46

Glad you went for it OP. I think it’s the right thing- you have been through a tough time for 6 months and at least you can feel like you have given it everything, even if it doesn’t work out. You won’t be thinking ‘I wish I tried that last time’
Good luck and I really hope it works out

MissSmiley · 19/02/2021 12:12

@hop27 good luck, I hope you're doing ok
I had 9 rounds of ivf (5 fresh, 4 frozen) and got lucky on the 5th, 7th and 9th, keep going it's worth it

DorisDances · 19/02/2021 16:16

Just wishing you every success op Flowers

CoRhona · 19/02/2021 16:18

In my experience, you tend to regret the things you didn't do more than those you did.

Good luck with whatever you decide Flowers

SummerHouse · 19/02/2021 16:22

I read this thinking go for it lady! But didn't want to say that as you shouldn't feel the pressure especially given how tough this is. Now you are going for it I absolutely will say you've got this. You are brave and you are strong. I am in awe of you.

Ohdeariedear · 19/02/2021 16:26

I agree with CoRhona - it’s the things we choose not to do that haunt us. If this doesn’t work for you, then you have the comfort of knowing that you tried everything and gave it your all and there can be no ‘what if?’s.

Very, very obest of luck to you.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 19/02/2021 16:27

Good luck Flowers

Suzi888 · 19/02/2021 16:28

I think you need to go for it, what will be will be. Otherwise you’ll always think ‘what if’.

heyjude12 · 19/02/2021 16:31

Good luck. Lots of positive thoughts coming your way xx

Adancewithdragons · 19/02/2021 16:40

If you don’t do it would you regret it? Picture yourself at 70 what would be your life regrets?

No one has said it but I think go for it, if this is your shot. Sending positive vibes your way xx

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/02/2021 16:46

I get where you are

I had 2 rounds. Both fails with 4 implanted at day3

We took a year off to lick wounds and decide to save /borrow again or live without being a mum and the failure hurt so much

Year later we knew we had to try again as I was what if no 3 worked

As it was, it didn’t

But no 5 did

I think go for it as you said . All you wan5 is to be a mum

How old are you. That makes a diff as well

Do you have time

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