Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

COVID Wedding

56 replies

Covidwedding123 · 01/02/2021 11:19

Hello, looking for some advice here or from anyone else in the same position.

OH and I were supposed to get married in May 2020, we rescheduled to beginning of May 2021, but we don’t have much faith.

We had a fairly large wedding planned (120) and although I know this number is probably not realistic even in 2021 and that’s okay. We would be happy to go ahead with less, but not if the numbers are like now (5). Also as I understand you aren’t allowed a reception/meal and even alcohol might be off the cards. If the rules were not to change between now and May we would not be happy to go ahead with the wedding.

So the question is would you reschedule ( YANBU) and if so when too ?

Or would you keep to the current date, and if so why ? (YABU)

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/02/2021 16:34

I can’t see large weddings going ahead this year. Many wouldn’t want to go to a group gathering either as not worth the risk.

I’d just get married quietly and leave the big party. Marriage is about the vows and commitment anyway. If my partner needed the wholeness big day and didn’t want to get married without it I would be questioning my decision.

MissJeanLouise · 01/02/2021 17:27

I think if you are happy with 15/30 guests as you said earlier, then those numbers may be allowed. I do think that masks will still be required though.

Calmandmeasured1 · 01/02/2021 17:42

I don't think there is any hope of you having a relatively normal wedding reception this year. I think there will still a restriction in numbers (maybe to 30 maximum) with social-distancing and mask-wearing when not eating at a reception.

I'd either forget the reception and just actually have the marriage ceremony or re-schedule for in about 2 years time if you want it to be as normal as possible.

HikeForward · 01/02/2021 17:47

It might be a couple of years before they allow big weddings again. Who knows what will happen, we might get new mutations of the virus and more lockdowns while they update the vaccines and re-vaccinate.

I wouldn’t put your married life on hold for the sake of having lots of guests, reception, alcohol etc.

Why not just get married as planned and save the money to throw a big party in a couple of years?

Mousehole10 · 01/02/2021 17:54

If you can postpone until summer you probably have a better chance, but I would try for winter as restrictions will likely get harsher again.

JorisBonson · 01/02/2021 17:57

We postponed twice last year and got fed up of it. We ended up getting married in a beautiful place in Cornwall, just the two of us, and it was the best thing I've ever done. We just wanted to be married to each other and the whole day felt right.

We have a "re do" booked for early October followed by a big party, which will fall with our first wedding anniversary, but don't even know if that will happen. I think people will be gagging for a party by then!

Crazycatlady83 · 01/02/2021 17:59

Why don’t you postpone to September this year (chance you could still have nice weather) and say whatever happens, the wedding will go ahead.

By this time, most of the adult population will have been offered at least the first dose of the jab and we wouldn’t have hit “winter” yet (another excuse SAGE may use to put restrictions back in place)

I can completely understand why you want your wedding day to be as you imagined it! Good luck!

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 01/02/2021 18:22

I think any date in 2021 is probably under 30 guests. May will likely be just as restricted as November so if you're sticking to 2021, I'd just do May.

Blondeshavemorefun · 01/02/2021 18:35

You sound like me

Meant to be married may 2020. 75 day and prob 70 evening

Obv cancelled in March : we rebooked may this year thinking 15mths later all would be fine

We just want to get married rather then have a wedding day so if we can we will even if 15

Hoping will go to t2 and be be able to eat and drink as well ....

thetaleunfolds · 01/02/2021 20:46

Wedding photographer here, and I'll be honest and say that most of my weddings until August have moved to either late 2021 or into 2022

If weddings can go ahead in May, I'd be shocked if it's more than it was back in Oct/Nov - 15/30 guests, maybe a reception but no alcohol. I think it's far more likely that it'll be up to 15 with no reception at all but I have no insider info.

I will say that now that councils have been given whatever powers to implement their own rules, venues are choosing to cancel weddings throughout the entirety of 2021. For them, it's cheaper to just reschedule everyone than it is to renew their wedding/event licence and not actually be able to use it.

I think it's always about the path with least regret. If you move it to 2022 and you COULD have gotten married this May after all with a decent number, you'll feel a bit pissed off but that's it. If you don't move it then you're likely to end up in a position in April where you have to rearrange at last minute, and you're spending the whole run up to the day just fraught with worry about whether it'll go ahead or not.

If it was me, I'd be pushing it back a year without a second thought. If there's a reason to get legally married before then (children, deployment, etc etc) then do it in the reg office and keep the big celebration for next year

CherryRoulade · 01/02/2021 21:03

It’s horrible isn’t it?
My daughter is in same situation. Deferred from last July to this May but no idea whether it can go ahead and in what form.
She’d had everything planned, as I suspect you have. A dress waiting. Band booked, caterers. teepees, church everything.
She’d been so excited twice but now can’t get excited about planning something that might not go ahead anyway. It’s horrible to see.

She’s decided she’ll marry in May if at all possible. That might be for six, twelve, thirty, a hundred who knows? I suspect smaller rather than larger. We’ll make it a nice day and she’ll have a new kitchen instead of dancing. They just want it done now. I understand that.

Original poster
Covidwedding123 · 01/02/2021 21:24

Thanks for all your replies. Well I really can’t see us waiting until 2022.

I’m 34 and by 2022 I will have been engaged for 5 years 😂 The other thing is, I’m not sure my work will keep honouring my annual leave if I keep rescheduling!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 02/02/2021 09:13

I’m hoping by May pubs resturants will be open so weddings tho smal numbers will be allowed

RoseAndRose · 02/02/2021 09:19

I would have the wedding, no matter how small, this spring. You want to be married, so get on with it

Then have some sort of party later when you can.

If I was guessing - and it is just a guess - I would go for August or September thus year (as I think late summer is the time when restrictions will be least). If we are lucky, and there are no more variants, we'll have fewer restrictions next year

DanielRicciardosSmile · 02/02/2021 09:19

July or August I would say are your best bets to have a wedding the size you want. An article I read the other day (can't find it now or I'd post the link) estimated that hospitality would reopen at May Day Bank Holiday, which if true I think is cutting it a bit fine for you to be able to plan properly.

GabriellaMontez · 02/02/2021 09:23

If you are 'waiting' for anything else I would just get married. Eg move house or have a baby.

Personally I think numbers will go to 30 by may. But I have no evidence for this!

VenusClapTrap · 02/02/2021 09:26

I had a big wedding and I loved that all our friends and family were there. It was hard enough limiting it to 110 to be honest, I think reducing numbers down to 30 (or whatever) would have been difficult and upsetting.

So I’m another who would postpone to next year if it was me, disappointing as that would be.

Having said that, it would depend on how keen I was to get on with having dc, as it was important to me to name to be married first. That would trump my desire for a big wedding at the end of the day.

Mixitupalot · 02/02/2021 09:27

If your in NI there’s no point asking on here, ppl don’t get the way we do weddings. I’d personally postpone based on what you’ve said you would like but realistically it will be 2022 before weddings go back to normal.

VenusClapTrap · 02/02/2021 09:28

‘to name’ appeared there in error! Names were not an issue!

lurker101 · 02/02/2021 09:36

@Covidwedding123 not sure which devolved nation you’re in, but NI for example had large weddings until mid-October. The basic rules were masks at church, and when not at table at reception. Alcohol was allowed, as was live music, but no dancing, except bride and groom first dance. The maximum number of guests was to be determined by the venue’s risk assessment. I attended one with c. 100 invited, fully within the rules. The NI executive issued a lot of guidance on it last year, here is some guidance from July 2020 (!not currently applicable in lockdown!) which may give you an idea. I think weddings will be back in a similar manner by late spring/summer 2021 in NI.

www.lisburncastlereagh.gov.uk/uploads/files/guidance-marriages-civil-partnerships-other-celebratory-events_(1).pdf

TheRaccoon · 02/02/2021 09:46

I’d reschedule to September time - as late into the summer as possible before any potential limits come back in again for autumn.

I have a friend who moved hers from last July to this one and she thinks she’ll have to move again to next year as she wants the wedding she originally planned with no distancing and a big guestlist.

Starryeyedgirl · 02/02/2021 10:05

I don't think you are being unreasonable,
But this could run on for years, even come the Autumn, when everyone has been vaccinated we still won't be able to have mass gatherings, you could be waiting a while for that.
my daughter has had to reschedule 132 person wedding to May this year from last September.
However, should things remain the same, the wedding will still go ahead this time.
We lost my dad in October, my daughter was so upset he didn't make it to see them married either at ceremony or online because of restrictions, I think both of them are now concerned about the other grandparents health.
They both realise that out of that 130 only around 30 people really matter, only 30 will actually share their lives.
We are doing what someone else has suggested.
Having a big party once we can.
Your marriage will be just as beautiful and strong regardless of how many can attend.
Best of luck.

tobotox · 02/02/2021 10:13

Christ.this is a depressing thread. my postponed wedding is in December. Might as well cancel it now.

I think May, you’ll be allowed 30. I think / hope late summer would be best!

thetemptationofchocolate · 02/02/2021 10:50

We had our Covid wedding last year, postponed it once (as originally it was in May 2020) then went ahead asap. It was only us and our two witnesses and the officiant and it was brilliant. We had lots of laughs, there were no rows, no-one got drunk and annoying, and there was LOADS of cake.
We might have a party as a second celebration at some point but with all the catching up we will all have, post-pandemic, I can't really see it happening tbh.

Volcanoexplorer · 02/02/2021 10:57

I can completely understand wanting a celebration. Of course getting married is the whole point, but I wanted to share my day with friends and family so I can totally insert where you’re coming from. My brother’s wedding is booked for Dec this year and he’s already started to think about postponing until 2022. I don’t think large celebrations such as weddings will be allowed this year sadly. Possibly more likely by May 2022.