To think a 13 month old cannot say 106 words?

[TinyChatterbox]

Just over a year ago I had my first child and like many did an antenatal group. As lockdown commenced several of us managed to track each other down on Facebook and we started a group chat. There are now 5 of us who were in the original antenatal group in this chat and its been lovely to catch up albeit virtually every now and again.

All 5 of us are first time parents and one of the group boastfully posted yesterday evening that her daughter (who is 13 and 1/2 months) can now say 106 words. Now I'm not disputing she may think her child says that many words but she's talking utter bullshit isn't she. There is absolutely no way her 14 month old actually says 106 words which could be understood by anyone.

It's really pissed me off and I'd love some clarification because one of the mums in the group, who is quite a young mother, has responded in a blind panic that her child who is also 13 months only says 8 words. She's understandably completely freaking out and has messaged the health visitor as there is clearly something wrong with her daughter.

YANBU - The mum is deluded to think her child says 106 words.

YABu - It's perfectly possible a 13 month old can say 106 words.

I hate this type of competitive parenting, babies all develop differently. I had one who was talking well at 18 months, my other one was much later - well after 2 when she got going. It serves no purpose other than to make others feel inadequate if their child is a bit late reaching the various milestones.

Well it works the other way too. I had truly extraordinarily early talkers, it runs in my family, and a surprisingly high number of other parents found it really annoying. I don’t understand it, I am not threatened by another small child’s wonderful musical or artistic ability , or the amazing babies walking at six months.
Mine are teenagers now, and the attitude of other parents made the first couple of years quite difficult. I even had a health visitor get annoyed because she had a baby the same age who wasn’t talking ! Why does anyone mind what somebody else’s child does or doesn’t do ? Can’t we just enjoy the outliers ? It isn’t as if I did anything to get such early talkers, other than pass on my genes.

I didn't keep count, but my DS2 was a very early talker and could say short sentences e.g. "Take it off" at 13 months and maybe earlier (i have him on video saying the above) Ds1 was 13 months older and I think spoke less and he'd be over 2 at the time (he's 20 now and still quiet!).

It wouldn't be common, but perfectly possible but as I say, who keeps count?

A parent can express joy in her child's actions without it meaning anything at all to her.

Of course they can and if it genuinely was just a comment to say how well her child had been doing then that's fine and we all enjoy finding out how the babies are developing. Nevertheless this absolutely read to me as a brag and the curt comment to the other mother didn't do much to make me think otherwise.

Now I'm not saying no one should ever brag, it's absolutely fine to brag about your child, but there are certainly more tactful ways of doing so. Even asking at the end of her message how everyone elses babies were doing would have made it more conversation rather than just a fact stated with the intention of receiving praise.

surely people don't do this, google everything first in case it upsets the easily offended.

I don't think it would have hurt her to just do a quick check before responding to the other parent. Although as has been said the young mum could also have checked. However hindsight is a wonderful thing and the way it was worded did seem very matter of fact so it probably didn't occur to her to question the other mum.

@SirVixofVixHall

Well it works the other way too. I had truly extraordinarily early talkers, it runs in my family, and a surprisingly high number of other parents found it really annoying. I don’t understand it, I am not threatened by another small child’s wonderful musical or artistic ability , or the amazing babies walking at six months. Mine are teenagers now, and the attitude of other parents made the first couple of years quite difficult. I even had a health visitor get annoyed because she had a baby the same age who wasn’t talking ! Why does anyone mind what somebody else’s child does or doesn’t do ? Can’t we just enjoy the outliers ? It isn’t as if I did anything to get such early talkers, other than pass on my genes.

yep, my brother walked just before 8 months - he isn't an Olympic athlete, his own DC walked at about a year so fairly average but his grandson walked at 8 months and plays fairly decent football but again not a supreme athlete.

Both my DC are at Uni and doing well. One that doesn't talk very much does have a large written vocab but is more mathsy. DS2 who talked very early is still more wordsy. Neither are geniuses.

Teacher once commented that DS2 could write quite advanced words and use them in context but often couldn't pronounce them, he'd obviously absorbed from reading and not from DH and I around the house :o

I mean when you are an adult does it matter what age you walked, talked, toilet trained, used a spoon etc?

A parent can express joy in her child's actions without it meaning anything at all to her. She's as well learn that early on or she will spend her time being upset at every little comment she's comparing her daughter to.

I think the comment, 'only 8?' rather put paid to that.

Wow. My 16 month old can say dada, all gone and "pah ah". No one knows what that last one means but he says it all the time.

I mean when you are an adult does it matter what age you walked, talked, toilet trained, used a spoon etc

I had a "friend" who genuinely thought that if your child was ahead at a year old, that would be the case throughout their life!

@FuzzyPenguin

Mine had around that but then he didn’t crawl until 18months and walk until 22months. I was told they are either talkers or walkers

Hmm mine was neither!

Actually I talked very late but my mum didn't worry because she didn't know any different and she knew I could understand. It turned out that I was very lazy, when she started asking me questions that I had to answer, and couldn't just nod or point to something, I started talking.

Apparently the first thing I said was tup of tea for cup of tea. I was 2.5. So I effectively jumped from virtually nothing to semi full sentences. A speech and language therapist said I was very abnormal! My mum was quite isolated when I was very small and I wonder if that played a role as we didn't go to playgroups until I was about 3.

I also wonder whether some kids develop differently because they are in nurseries or have older siblings. DS was always at nursery with kids his own age. In the summer before he started school he started going to a childminder twice a week with kids of all primary school ages and his vocabulary came on in leaps and bounds over that six weeks.

I've never come across a dc that could say more than a dozen words at a year.
My ds was out of nappies at 20 months, his dsis was almost 3. Ds has not reaped any advantages from being a child toilet using genius.

Well there goes their chance of ever appearing on Reality TV!

I think one of the criteria for being on those programmes is not being able to exceed one hundred words. (Multiple use of like does not count)

Never mind thirtEEN, I think my thirtY month old can say about that many.

I think the comment, 'only 8?' rather put paid to that

Not really, she might have genuinely Just been shocked as she knows no difference to her own child. But the offended/ worried young mother will come across people like this in all walks of life not just parenting, the quicker she learns to shrug these little things off if it offends her, the better, or she will be constantly worried.

Not impossible. Mine is that age and has around 50 - just a guess. With a second child you don't count but with a first you might....I did.

It absolutely not impossible. Sorry to disappoint you OP as you seem to want this thread to back up your impression the woman is lying.

Of course you can know the words spoken by your child, just jot them down as they start saying them, not as if she had to be "following the hilf round with a pad"

Its sad if the other mum feels a bit like her child is behind or is worried after one comment by another parent.

she may be genuinely unaware other children only speak 8 words. I mean it might genuinely be that much of a shock to her just as it seems to be the other way around for OP

Bourbonbiccy

I think the comment, 'only 8?' rather put paid to that

Not really, she might have genuinely Just been shocked as she knows no difference to her own child.

Do you think? If she had absolutely no previous experience of babies (and that is quite possible) she could have investigated what was normal considering the rather large discrepancy. She could have also kept shtum until some of the other mums replied. ‘Only 8?’ definitely sounds like a put down.

My ds was out of nappies at 20 months, his dsis was almost 3. Ds has not reaped any advantages from being a child toilet using genius.

Sadly, no prizes for being good at going to the toilet. OTOH, DD played a mean game of football at 18 months, but alas it did not translate to later prowess so he can’t treat his old mum with the megabucks he could have been earning as a professional!

I once had a friend whose daughter could speak in short sentences at 13 months. I witnessed her say ‘pretty flowers mummy.’ My son, also 13 months, could barely say one word. Interestingly when they started school he became the best reader in the class, so tell your friend not to worry.

My little one is the same age and says one word

DS1 said "Look at Tinky winky walking on the grass" and "Sit on the fluffy rug Mummy" before he turned 2. I was so shocked I wrote it down!!! (He didn't walk a step until he was 17 months though). He's 18 now and absolutely utterly completely average, intellectually.

YABU. Not an expert but I know from experience that children vary widely at that age. DS didn’t talk at all until nearly two years old and then began speaking immediately in complete sentences. DD was talking non stop at 13 months. Used to joke she started 10 minutes before she woke up and stopped 10 minutes after she’d gone to sleep. Never occurred to me to count

My first born easily had that many words at that age, but she didn’t walk until really late (like idiots we were so proud of the talking we ran around fetching and carrying as she demanded 🤣 . The second born walked really early (to get away from her chatter I think) but didn’t say a word until they were over 2 ( and then it was to say they didn’t want the flavour of ice cream DD had just “ordered” for them. 😂)

While possible, it's unlikely, IMHO.

My nephew was a delayed speaker - at the age of 3.5 we'd get maybe one or two words out of him.

He's now coming on for 6 and won't shut up!

@CecilyP

Bourbonbiccy

I think the comment, 'only 8?' rather put paid to that

Not really, she might have genuinely Just been shocked as she knows no difference to her own child.

Do you think? If she had absolutely no previous experience of babies (and that is quite possible) she could have investigated what was normal considering the rather large discrepancy. She could have also kept shtum until some of the other mums replied. ‘Only 8?’ definitely sounds like a put down.

Of course it does - it’s perfectly obvious to anyone with half a social clue.

You just wouldn’t say it, would you?

Anyway - the upshot is, the group now has more of a measure of this Mum, and it’s probably not going to be to her benefit.