Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social media is killling me

52 replies

Lifelesson · 01/02/2021 05:40

My partner has become so obsessed with social media validation it is becoming unreal. For someone who used to hate it and delete all her apps, she now thrives on strangers laughing at her videos, telling her funny she is, or how great she is. I tell her how great she is all the time yet I’m met with ‘Eugh’ ‘no I’m not’ ‘whatever’ and dismisses my comments. Yet if a random stranger tells her online how funny she is or how great her post is, it’s all I hear about.

One of her videos on TikTok went viral (you can only imagine) for her and her friend mocking a celebrity (why would you want to do this...we’re in our 30s). It’s all I heard about for three days straight and it’s still going strong, how many likes, reading out all the comments to me, calling her friend every 5minutes when we’re together to talk about the video, how much interest it’s got, and what’s becoming of it. She is glued to her phone getting all this random validation which is feeding her ego. Meanwhile I’m feeling like an extra in her life who cannot give her what social media randoms can and it’s actually starting to push me away. I’m too old for all of this, I just want someone who appreciates what is real, and focusses on what we have instead of striving for something not real online. It’s making me really sad

I have tried talking to her about the above a couple of times, only to be met with defensiveness and a bit of hostilely, like I am questioning her. Each time she makes out that I’m over reacting.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Blessex · 01/02/2021 05:43

She sounds a bit shallow? Is she? Is this in character?

Original poster
Lifelesson · 01/02/2021 05:47

No, she isn’t a shallow person at all. 2 years we’ve been together and I’ve never seen his side of her

OP posts:
Blessex · 01/02/2021 05:50

Is she a bit insecure? If she is saying no when you compliment her? Tik tok is super addictive I know that. I don’t use it but my DH and kids do. Maybe she will grow out of it. I have largely given up FB and Instagram now. Just gets boring. (Now addicted to MN!!!!)

DuaneAgain · 01/02/2021 05:52

Well, it's probably replaced real life to a degree due to the current situation. However, I feel your pain as my best mate decided a while back that he was an 'entrepreneur' (literally his job title on LI now) and has started making videos on IG about 'the key to success' despite being a self employed guy making £40k who has never run a big company in his life or made £££ through an entrepreneurial venture.

Original poster
Lifelesson · 01/02/2021 05:53

@Blessex - yes I would say so. I sadly don’t think this will end. The fact that this on particular video has seriously blown up, will just be the start. Her and her gay guy best friend are already planning what to post next....

OP posts:
Melange99 · 01/02/2021 06:01

I sometimes watch a vlogger who mainly focuses on fashion in New York. She's British, no problem with her, she's okay. She sometimes does vlogs about who is wearing what in the streets in NY, stops and asks them at random. I am always amazed at how many of them think they are "somebody" because they have an Instagram account or a You Tube channel - they all have a fucking YT channel. She does not know them, it is something they are wearing that prompts her to stop them. They truly think they are "stars" walking amongst us, the stars of their own showreel. Their vapidness and over developed sense of self is astonishing and can only have come about by social media. I am all for a bit of self confidence, but it is quite nauseating too.

pictish · 01/02/2021 06:58

Why is this bothering you so much?

I’m not a social media bod particularly, only do Facebook to keep my hand in and cba with the rest...so it’s not like I’m a big advocate of this sort of entertainment...BUT I don’t care if anyone else wants to do it.

You are pissed off because her attention is elsewhere other than on you. I can’t tell who’s being unreasonable though - it does sound like she’s having fun with her friend online during lockdown. Does it impact on you personally...and if so, how?

Original poster
Lifelesson · 01/02/2021 07:05

@pictish I guess it bothers me because we only see eachother at weekends. She is my extended household as I live alone and I look forward to seeing her. When she comes over she is more focussed on other things, particularly her phone and everyone other than me. This has been an ongoing issue for a long time.

Besides that, we’ve gone through a lot over the last 9 months which has really tested us physically and emotionally, and it’s left a lot of scars so things like this magnify existing issues.

OP posts:
newlabelwriter · 01/02/2021 07:06

She’s probably just bored in lockdown and looking for distraction like most of us these daysz

Original poster
Lifelesson · 01/02/2021 07:06

@pictish I guess when you are already feeling a little invalid and under appreciated things like above hurt more than normal. I am probably overreacting, sorry

OP posts:
Blessex · 01/02/2021 07:07

@Lifelesson I get it. Would piss me off too. My DH doesn’t live with me. We don’t see each other that often. If he came over for the weekend and spent the entire time obsessed with a social media app and people he doesn’t know I would be Hmm

KarensChoppyBob · 01/02/2021 07:10

I understand it OP, she's looking for validation elsewhere, in an addictive way, frequently and ignoring you as a consequence.

I'd be pissed off too.

pictish · 01/02/2021 07:12

Don’t apologise, it was a genuine ask on my behalf.

It’s a difficult issue to gauge and advise on because we don’t know your dynamic.
I don’t know if your girlfriend is overdoing the SM or if you’re a bit needy.

Ricebubbles2 · 01/02/2021 07:14

Is she lacking a social life or some fulfilment
I know a few people who have no job or social life that means they thrive off social media.
Validated by people who are similar it is an amazing fake world some people have to thrive off such gratification on posting crap.

Blessex · 01/02/2021 07:16

Relationships take time, work and effort. It is nice to feel listened to and wanted and needed. I am on my second marriage and will never again take anything for granted. Your feelings are valid OP. You don’t need to apologise.

pictish · 01/02/2021 07:16

In other news, a two year relationship which already bears a lot of ‘scars’ probably isn’t a long term goer.

KarensChoppyBob · 01/02/2021 07:18

Yes, and the same people are agog with disbelief when you tell them you don't have FB. Ok hun.

Blessex · 01/02/2021 07:18

@pictish but you don’t know that. Physical and emotional scars can be for all kinds of reasons.

jay55 · 01/02/2021 07:18

Comment on her social media that you're leaving. And go.
You don't like her, she hasn't time for you. Call it a day.

Ricebubbles2 · 01/02/2021 07:19

@pictish

Why is this bothering you so much?

I’m not a social media bod particularly, only do Facebook to keep my hand in and cba with the rest...so it’s not like I’m a big advocate of this sort of entertainment...BUT I don’t care if anyone else wants to do it.

You are pissed off because her attention is elsewhere other than on you. I can’t tell who’s being unreasonable though - it does sound like she’s having fun with her friend online during lockdown. Does it impact on you personally...and if so, how?

Meow hisss
Bookriddle · 01/02/2021 07:19

I had to take myself off social media, i was arguing with people online and was getting pissed off with alot of things on there!

I hold my hand up, I used to have right wing views(not extreme views) and followed plenty of different pages, since we had our little girl, my view if the world has changed(I think fir the better) and I was increasingly getting pissed off with the views I used to hold!

I have taken myself off Facebook and Twitter now, and have done since November

pictish · 01/02/2021 07:23

Oh I accept that I’m in the dark here. I’m offering a perspective going by what occurs as I read the thread.

I get a vibe that the relationship is be-all and end-all for OP, going by the issue at hand and the emotive language used to refer to the relationship history. Sounds intense.

pictish · 01/02/2021 07:24

It’s not ‘miaow hiss’ at all!

Blessex · 01/02/2021 07:28

This thread illustrates how we are all different and want different things in relationships. In the end OP only you can decide if this is what you want. Some people are fine with it and actually find the relationship intense for you being upset about it. Others will have sympathy that yes it is crap to have a partner you don’t see that often checking out with random people on an online platform. In the end it’s your life and your relationship. If you are unhappy about it and she cannot meet you halfway at least then you need to decide how important it is for you personally.

pictish · 01/02/2021 07:33

The OP says this has been an ongoing issue for a long time...but they are only two years in!

I’m going to say they’re incompatible in their expectations and needs.