AIBU.... to be upset at how oh speaks to our girls?

[Canttakemuchmore22]

I am so upset and angry at partner but yet again been made to feel I am the one that's in the wrong. I ruin everything and purposely make him miserable.
I am told all the time I am mental and deluded when I voice my concern over things he says and does.... I only ever speak up when I genuinely think it's not right to say or act the way he does sometimes.
So today he's spoken about "bumming" in front of our 4yr old and 8yr old.
He has used words like "poofter, bender, Lezzer" in front of them previously and I have reacted badly by telling him how inappropriate that is not only saying it in front of the kids but just those words are downright horrible.
He has now told the kids that someone they know of is sick and will die, no sitting down and discussing it he actually just said "he is sick and will die" then left the room without a care about what the kids were then thinking.
I again respond saying that's not right and get told it's me that's unreasonable and he completely disagree's that he's said anything wrong and he will say what the fuck he likes and I make him so angry, I do it on purpose and he wanted to chuck his entire dinner over my head?? WTF
AIBU??
Should I just keep my mouth shut in future?

Dear God no, why on earth would you?

You don't sound like you like him particularly, and it certainly doesn't sound like he's making you happy.

Your with a homophobic and aggressive man.

I wouldn't suggest staying with someone you can't disagree with.

Can you try and connect with some friends via zoom etc and just remind yourself how other adults talk?
He doesn't sound very kind or respectful.

LTB! Sounds like a right nasty piece of work OP and a terrible father

No you should leave him. He threw his dinner over your head?! And he’s homophobic and talking about his views in front of your children. How will you answer when you get questioned by school why your DC is calling someone a lezzer or talking about bumming? You know it’s not appropriate and are correct. Leave him.

Just seen he didn’t throw it but wanted to, same difference. Leave.

Does he not care for their well-being? Surely that statement will raise some questions with them... if not spoken about appropriately they’ll end up feeling scared, especially at their ages. He’s a right nob.

Leave. If not for you but your daughters. What a shit example for them to have of a man.

Tell him to buck his ideas up of get the fuck out!

Or*

He sounds absolutely vile OP. Usually in these threads I can see both sides but in your case he just sounds like a dick. Not only is he homphobic and completely inappropriate around your DC he also treats you terribly.

Don't keep your mouth shut. Leave him. Vile man. Absolutely diabolical example to be setting your daughters.

He is gaslighting you. LTB

Jesus what a charmer.
He is an odd ‘un. I couldn’t respect a twat like that.
Ask yourself what you see in him?

Your poor daughters. Is that how you both want them to grow up, thinking that sort of thing is normal? Pretty sure that kind of sexual talk (bumming etc) might be a safeguarding issue (happy to be corrected), especially if the girls repeat that stuff at school.

You need to leave for their sake as much as your own.

He sounds like an absolute waste of skin.

Just imagine this is the relationship your daughter is in 20 years.

Her partner is out rightly aggressive towards her, threatens to put his dinner over her head and uses abusive and derogative language in front of your grandkids.

Are you happy with this?

Or would you ask her what the fuck she is doing with her life and why the hell she is with someone who is probably only a serious argument away from violence.

Honestly OP - this isn’t how normal people behave. He’s a nasty piece of work. Please speak to someone you trust in real life.

This is completely unacceptable
Leave him and protect your girls from this shit

He's disgusting. I would leave him. He will not change no matter what you say.
Your poor girls having to listen to that

I seriously think he has some sort of mental issues as he never used to be so horrible.
I feel like I can't take much more.
I don't own the house he owns it, Myself and the kids have nowhere else to go.
I really wanted the man I fell in love with to come back but he doesn't exist anymore.
I recently had a baby also so am not feeling my best as he is only a few weeks old. I am EBF, tired and need a shower but even when I mention that am told that's just the way it is? He has no connection towards me anymore.
He can be a really good Dad and does provide well for the kids but he just at times can be a horrible vile person and say the most irresponsible awful things.

He sounds vile you and your daughters deserve better. Also, him using sexual language and discussing sexual acts in front of such young children is a safeguarding issue (I am a teacher, if a child told me an adult was saying such things, I would be straight to the senior leader in charge of safeguarding). The homophobia is also vile.

Can you contact women's aid? They can offer advice and support and if you wish, they will help you and your girls to leave safely.

Honestly OP, I'd be leaving him.

Oh my god, just leave him. He’s not worth it.

Also probably didn't word the OP properly he just used the word "bumming"'when talking about a TV programme we had watched.
The girls thankfully didn't hear but they were in the room with us at the time and I quickly said to him that was out of order and not to say that again.
He did accept that and changed the subject.
It was later on that he's gone off on one for telling them someone was going to die and being totally devoid of any emotion attached to what he had just said to them?
It's not normal behaviour is it?

Oh god this is awful. When did thus behaviour start? It's about more than just the homophovic language he uses. He sounds like an abusive bully.

Time to leave or make plans to leave
What a vile person

What's the point in analysing him further? You also can't assess his mental health.

He's an aggressive, disrespectful, homophobic idiot with no respect for you, no care as to the emotional well-being of your children.

Men who go on about gays, lesbians etc constantly have an unhealthy obsession and I always suspect them of watching gay porn or some such on the sly. Otherwise whys he going on & on about it?

What will you do if your DCs repeat his sexual and homophobic language at school? There's no guarantee that they won't. What excuse will you make to the school?

The way he spoke to your DCs about death, too. Just, awful. He wants you and they to feel bad.

Please don't be a woman who stays and has to learn a harsh, life-changing lesson in order to see the light. You can pick up the phone, use live chat, for advice. PP's have given you good advice. Then bide your time.

You're best off using it or you'll be back here soon with another post about this man who sounds like a foul-mouthed, offensive waste of space.

Life really is too short for some people and situations. You don't get a rewind.