If your parent was an alcoholic

[dollygoo]

My parent was an alcoholic and in the end died from this. However I do worry my self about ending this way because of genetics. I am 30 years old and have one dc. I suppose is it common for this to occur genetically and what can you do to prevent this if you feel mentally well at the moment.

Just to add I do like alcohol and will drink a bottle of red wine perhaps once per month in one sitting for example at a dinner party.

Hi my DF was alcoholic, pretty awful he couldn’t walk at one stage me and my brother nurses him. He got sober in rehab had a good few years, then after his DM died went downhill. Died in an accident. I don’t drink and neither do my siblings. My DS father was an alcoholic but went to AA and got sober, still is. We’re not together anymore. I do worry my DS does have an addictive personality I just hope I won’t tolerate it and won’t be an enabler

Both my parents are alcoholics. I don’t drink, partly because if the genetic aspect and partly because I’ve removed myself from that lifestyle completely.
I think there is a predisposition to addiction personally

My father was a functioning alcoholic. He died from a non alcohol related illness. Me and my brother have addictive personalities so I haven’t tried smoking or drugs and I drink very rarely. I had 1 glass at new year and will probably not drink again until Christmas. My real vice is food.

My sibling doesn't drink at all except socially and I probably have 1 unit a week max, if that. I don't like being around drunk people, or people who normalise drinking to excess. They also had a massive codeine addiction, and although I have it in the house for period pain, I only have half a dose.
It's the chocolate addiction that I can't break - I would be taken to chose a treat from the offy at every visit, and at every weekly shop - bribes, I think. Treat for me, treat for them etc. That's the one I haven't managed to escape.

My sibling doesn't have a family or partner - the after effects of living with an alcoholic cut very deep, in so many different ways.

Is it actually genetic or is it intergenerational trauma? I was under the impression it was the latter.

My dad is an alcoholic. I didn't touch booze before I left for uni.

I drink most weekends but rarely in the week and just did 3 weeks off it. I'm not worried about genetics. I certainly don't turn to it to deal with everything like he does. My siblings are both teetotal pretty much. I'm 42 now and he was drinking heavily by my age

My father is a recovering alcoholic with 18 years of sobriety.
I think that some of us are predisposed genetically towards addiction. I think the only way to avoid it is to watch out for signs that alcohol is something that causes you problems.

I'd also say that its worthwhile monitoring quite closely what your drinking habits are like. That bottle you might drink monthly, what would you do if there was a second bottle? Is the amount or the frequency that you drink becoming more?

The things I've found helpful from knowing that drink was becoming an issue for me at quite an early age

Realising that alcohol is not a coping mechanism. I make a point of not drinking if I'm upset or had a hard day.

I don't have alcohol in the house except for special occasions like Christmas, having someone over etc.

I don't hang out in pubs, I go for a coffee instead most of the time.

I might drink alcohol once a month or so.

The thing is, I do find a lot of people who are predisposed to be addicted to alcohol swing between food and drink.

As soon as I stopped drinking routinely I couldn't help but eat and eat and eat

My dad is a recovering alcoholic. To my knowledge he is about 19-20 years sober.

He got sober when I was about 8 and then had a few relapses over the years. Last one I know of I was about 20 (I think).

I have always known I am very like him and so made a conscious decision not to drink. I used to enjoy a few drinks with friends etc at uni but mostly knew my limits and would never get drunk. I had my drink spiked when I was about 23 and haven't touched a drop since.

If you can manage and know your limits then there isn't an issue. If you can go to a dinner party and not drink then there isn't an issue. But if you can't then you need to seek help to manage what could become a serious problem

My dad was an alcoholic and ended up dying because of it. I like a drink now and then but literally one or two glasses then I'm done. And it's occasional. It's just not my thing. In addicted to sugar if anything. I drank a lot in my teens though.

My brother doesn't drink at all. Back in his late teens/early 20s he found himself drinking too much so just decided to not drink.

Thank you for the responses. I can go to a party or night out and not drink it does not bother me. I also cannot stand being around drunk people when sober. On top of that I also make a point of not drinking when unhappy people as a coping mechanism.

I actually feel I do have an addictive personality and that leans towards food as my coping mechanism. Although I am good at controlling other things but food is my weakness, I rather that than something worse to be fair.

I have been thinking about it because my parent started having an alcohol issues around 35 and it's been playing on my mind. I have seen the devastation this causes and feel in strong enough to not follow this path. If I was ever worried my alcohol had increased I would stop altogether. As it seems the older I get the less I am actually drinking.

My dad was an alcoholic and ended up dying because of it. I like a drink now and then but literally one or two glasses then I'm done. And it's occasional. It's just not my thing. In addicted to sugar if anything. I drank a lot in my teens though.

My brother doesn't drink at all. Back in his late teens/early 20s he found himself drinking too much so just decided to not drink.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and have one daughter who is 23. I have what I believe is an addictive personality. While she and I are very similar in many ways, and she is definitely a perfectionist, she can take or leave alcohol, food etc. She has a stop button which, even in my teens and twenties when I didn't drink very often at all, I simply lacked. I drank to escape and she drinks to be sociable.
I can't be sure, obviously, but I would be surprised if she develops alcoholism because she can moderate. I have always been all or nothing.

I think being so consciously aware of the possibility of slipping into it, will probably be enough to deter you from going down that path.

My mother was an alcoholic and I dont drink. I did, every now and then but I dont like it. Nor can I stand be around drunk people at any time.
My older sister drank herself stupid. Got diabetes and was forced to stop. My other sister refused to drink in her home for many many years, and only drank on a weekend.

There’s no genetic aspect. Addiction is a trauma response, or an attempt to mitigate some other underlying mental health issue. It is also behaviour that can be modelled to younger generations. Google ‘intergenerational trauma’. It’s a pattern of trauma-informed behaviour that repeats in families until someone breaks the cycle and gets a proper diagnosis and proper help for whatever the underlying trauma or mental health issue is.

My mum was an alcoholic, as was her brother and their father, (my grandfather).

I don’t know what my grandfather went through to trigger his addiction, but he grew up in Ireland only one generation removed from the famine, so I imagine he absorbed a lot of intergenerational trauma.

My mum and brother grew up witnessing my grandfather’s alcoholism and also seeing him regularly beat my grandmother (and sometimes them, too). Their childhood trauma and abuse was never really properly acknowledged or dealt with - it was viewed as one of those things that was pretty common ‘in those days’. So it’s no surprise that they both turned to alcohol in adulthood to self-medicate.

Nothing about that is genetic.

My brother and I are not alcoholic and have never had problems with alcohol or other substances. Because we grew up with an alcoholic mother and had lots of support, and later counselling and therapy to help us deal with it.

Also in order to prevent it, I think it would be important to never ever use alcohol as a coping mechanism.

My father was an alcoholic and killed himself. My sibling is also an alcoholic and blames our fathers death on everything, they also have attempted Suicide, me, I drink socially though hardly drink over lockdown as no bars open and I do not really drink much at home. I can take it or leave it.

I don’t believe it’s genetic.

My dad was what most people would describe as a functioning alcoholic. It never really affected my childhood that much, I don't ever remember seeing him drunk tbh. However he died from liver cirrhosis when he was 62 although he'd been pretty much sober for the last ten years of his life but the damage has been done. His sister also died from alcoholism and his older brother was also an alcoholic. I do believe there is an addiction gene on my dad's side if the family.

It's not really affected me. I know my mum worries that one day I'll turn to the drink if something catastrophic happens in my life but I can't see it. I have one or two glasses of wine at a weekend bu5 I can take it or leave it tbh.

I have always thought it’s a mixture of genetics but then has to be triggered by a traumatic experience.

I’m a recovering alcoholic, luckily I’m fairly young and started by recovery early, and only then discovered my grandfather and his sister were both alcoholics. My parents and siblings are not, though one of my siblings acts like one, just without the booze! All my cousins on this same side have some sort of addiction issue. I don’t think you need to worry though, and you also have the awareness in place.

My ex was a functioning alcoholic that often drank 2-3 bottles of wine a night . He suffers with depression and was told to reduce the drinking but would not. His oldest son drinks a lot but personality fine . The next four children ( my son included) all have tendencies to be “cup half empty” people as do his mother and sister . I do believe this is genetic. My son has some MH problems and is waiting to be diagnosed. He does not drink much but I know he is smoking weed and I worry he has the addictive personality and might progress to other things.

My old man is an alcoholic. Drinks fucking special brew, and quickly flips from being cohesive to being unable to walk.

Any social event we plan (well, when it was allowed back in the good old days) has to be ok’d by him so he can get home and have his cans. Absolutely repulsive.

I do drink, normally share a bottle of wine with DP on a weekend. But I can never consider getting myself in that state, purely knowing how ashamed of my dad I was as a teenager/young adult.

Sorry about your dad, OP.
My dad is a functioning alcoholic. I did the whole binge drinking thing at uni, but luckily I hate the taste of alcohol, so only ever drunk to get drunk. I haven't had a drop in years now. Do have an addictive personality though. Sugar is my vice.
It's just occuring to me that, like my dad, I use exercise to ameliorate the effects of the addiction. My dad is incredibly fit for his age, despite the crazy drinking, because he runs, cycles and walks. I'm pretty thin despite the mountains of crappy food for the same reason.

Addiction is a trauma response, or an attempt to mitigate some other underlying mental health issue. It is also behaviour that can be modelled to younger generations.

RUOhon if this is the case then everyone who had a forebear who fought in the trenches - which will a lot of Europeans - will be affected by the appalling trauma suffered by those fighting in WW1?

OP: I never tried regular drinking until age 25, and soon figured out I only like small amounts. Always aware I've probably got propensity & I warn DC, too. I seem to have lucked out so far & not really have the genes; my AA cousin laughs & says "Oh is drinking supposed to be fun? I never drank to have fun."

I grew up listening to buckets of gossip about my mothers' parents... they were Methodists (reverend & wife, descended from other pious observant Methodists). The family gossip was unsparing about personal failures but No trauma in the family stories, just life as preacher's kids, and yet... lots of alcoholism & drug addiction in the descendants & their spouses & siblings. Genetic factor looks big to me.

Both my parents are alcoholics. My mum is in recovery the last 6years (by choice) my dad is also no longer drinking but due to medical necessity so I don't consider him in recovery.

I completely understand the worry op. I only drink socially and very little. I am also very VERY touchy if I observe my husband drinking a little too routinely (he suffers with his mental health so I panic that it could become a crutch) . But I can't help it. It sets of my anxiety as I will never allow my children to live with an addict. My parents were very abusive, my sad in particular and my mum enabled him but DH understands this.

You need to remember that you are NOT your parents. You are on high alert for any issues and so you won't follow in their footsteps.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

Both my parents are alcoholic. I stopped drinking over three years ago and it's the best decision I ever made.

There's a couple of great books called Adult Children of Alcoholics which really helped me. I wish you all the best on your journey.

You don't have to repeat the old patterns.