If your parent was an alcoholic

[dollygoo]

My parent was an alcoholic and in the end died from this. However I do worry my self about ending this way because of genetics. I am 30 years old and have one dc. I suppose is it common for this to occur genetically and what can you do to prevent this if you feel mentally well at the moment.

Just to add I do like alcohol and will drink a bottle of red wine perhaps once per month in one sitting for example at a dinner party.

RUOhon if this is the case then everyone who had a forebear who fought in the trenches - which will a lot of Europeans - will be affected by the appalling trauma suffered by those fighting in WW1?

Yes. And this is quite often borne out in families. Someone in my extended family had a father who fought in both world wars. He came back traumatised. The person in my extended family developed an eating disorder in early adulthood and still struggles with it now in her 70s. It’s all connected.

Obviously other factors like resilience, personality type, having other really stable role models in your life, etc, impact how much a person is affected.

Both my parents are/were alcoholics - my dad still is (not sure how he is still alive tbh) and my mum died at the age of 71 last year from vascular dementia (genetic but no doubt exacerbated by alcohol).

I have an addictive personality. I had problems with alcohol myself for a good few years in my 20s (I think partly genetic and partly because I could tell myself it was okay because it wasn't as bad as my parents).

My DH made me realise it wasn't okay and I also got into running which gave me a bigger high than alcohol did so I didn't want to drink so I could run the next day! And then, running became my addiction.. 🤦‍♀️ Obviously not as harmful but I would be distraught if I couldn't run when I was 'meant to'. And don't get me started on injury..

I now no longer drink (except perhaps a glass or two of prosecco on Christmas Day) and running has taken a backseat after having DC. Snacking seems to be my current addiction...

I think a lot of children of alcoholics do end up teetotal, perhaps because they juat don't want anything to do with alcohol because they know what an awful drug it is and the effects it can have and partly because of being aware of the genetic predisposition.

My DM is an alcoholic, I make a really massive effort to not drink more than 4 units of alcohol a week (apart from on holidays). I’m so worried I’ll end up like her.

My mum is an alcoholic and I dont drink. I was terrified when I was younger that I would turn into her. I'm 40 now so I'm a bit more confident that I'm not suddenly going to turn into a raging violent alcoholic overnight, especially when I've not ever been drunk before. I still won't drink though. As a few PPs have mentioned, I've got issues with food and used that to get me through a traumatic childhood. I'm working on it so hopefully my kids won't be affected by my issues, like I was by my mums.

I'm another child of an alcoholic here, luckily my parents split (due to this) when I was very young and we never saw much of him. I do remember at one point he even worked in a pub and can't see how anyone involved thought this was a good idea. He also died of alcohol related problems but it was as a consequence of alcoholism (thinning of the blood and a fall in his 40's) rather than direct result although it would eventually have killed him. His twin brother was also an alcoholic so there is possibly a genetic component, the whole addictive personality and stuff.
My dad had 3 kids (that I know of) and only 1 of us drinks with any regularity. Me and my sister only drink when we rarely go out and maybe on the odd special occasion. I think the last time I had a drink would be Xmas 2019. I don't drink because I don't like the taste of most things but I know my sister doesn't drink because she has a more addictive personality so is slightly concerned about that so controls her drinking more.
I think as a child of an alcoholic you're more aware of the signs of drinking becoming out of control and may have a slightly more risk of having whatever is it that pushes a person towards addiction but you're also in a better place to deal with it. It's not inevitable that children of alcoholics will go on to have an addiction themselves.

My father and step father were both violent alcoholics. My mother was also an alcoholic but functional.

I barely drink at all and can’t stand drunk people. The smell of beer makes me feel sick. I guess it can go either way. I think it’s good to be aware that it could become problematic. However, my father was abusive in every way imaginable and I am not abusive - it’s not inevitable that we will be like our parents.

My father was an alcoholic, due, I think, to having a very dysfunctional upbringing. My mother was teetotal.

We had some family trauma growing up, and this had a massive impact on my sister, who died due to alcoholism at 50.

My brother and I were less affected, because of our ages at the time. Neither of us drink though, but I think that was a conscious effort on our part, not to be like our dad. Who was horrible to us growing up.

So, although I don't think it's necessary genetic, family and upbringing do play a part. In my experience, those children who acknowledge the bad parenting they had are less likely to repeat those behaviours.

My parent was an alcoholic. I have an addictive personality and know I drink too much.

Interesting post as I sometimes have a row with DH because I can smell the alcohol from a metre away & it turns my stomach. I have to remind myself it's ok to have a pint now & then.

Is the genetic addiction proven?

I presume because of my upbringing I gsce never touched drugs & am very careful with alcohol. I have been drunk but it's more a subconscious thing, I would never just get home from work or put the kids to sleep & pour myself a drink even though I know it won't make me an alcoholic. I do binge eat though.

Never touched a cigarette either.

My dad was functioning for a long time then lost everything. He did go to rehab though & has been sober for almost 20 years.

They also had a massive codeine addiction, and although I have it in the house for period pain

I'm really funny about pain killers & will not take them & try and muddle through. I probably had PND after one dc but I just wouldn't touch antidepressants.

My father is an alcoholic. Has been his entire adult life. When I was a teenager I tried vodka and coke and ended up having several in a row. I felt awful the next day and haven't touched a drop of alcohol since. I'm scared I could become addicted to it so instead I don't go near it at all.

My brother is now a heavy drinker.

Thanks for this thread, so much resonates with me and I feel like I've found my people. I had an alcoholic dm who died young as a result. I rarely drink, sometimes socially and otherwise maybe have a couple at christmas and very rare one at home. One sibling who is an addict. Having lots of therapy has helped me but as pp have said, I also avoid painkillers as much as possible, have refused antidepressants a couple of times because I don't want to feel reliant on a drug.

Exdh drank and as pp have said I hate to be around drunk people. I can smell it a mile off or even detect if say someone on the tv has been drinking. As a result I'm single now and not sure that I'd have a relationship again and I think a big part of that is that most people seem to drink and I don't want a partner who drinks. I feel safer on my own

Exdh drank and as pp have said I hate to be around drunk people

I agree, and I don’t even like drunk scenes in films - especially as I’m an emetophobe and dread vomiting scenes, which film directors seem to think nowadays are a necessary feature to make it authentic.
If I’m around someone getting drunk I feel extremely tense and uncomfortable.

My dad is an alcoholic and is currently in hospital and close to death due to this.

I love alcohol and drink most days I struggle to regulate my intake and I fucking hate myself, thinking one day my ds may have to deal with the unimaginable shit my dad has put us through.

Alcoholism is real and can be genetic and for me it's a constant fight

I think the genetic aspect is a theory, amongst others but maybe I'm wrong.

My dad was an alcoholic. My mum's dad was an alcoholic so she married an alcoholic and enabled him as her mum enabled her alcoholic.

My siblings are alcoholics/heavy drinkers as they were brought up with an alcoholic and that was the behaviour modelled. Very heavy drinking was the norm for us and we were brought up with all the chaos that alcoholism brings and co dependence brings.

I used to binge drink and I think I'm allergic to alcohol (there's also a theory that alcoholics are allergic). I don't drink as much as my siblings though, my sister can drink three bottles of wine. I would be sick after one.

I think it's a lot of different factors OP. My younger sister drinks because of the trauma we suffered as children. She was hiding bottles of wine in her cupboard from the age of 15. She's a very heavy drinker now and always has been.

I was brought up the same way and I haven't drunk in a year but I'm also aware that I have co dependency issues and have got into relationships with people with other addictions such as workaholism for example. What I mean is, that addiction is not just about booze. It can take any form like workaholism or sex addiction or drugs or relationships or food. Just because you don't drink, doesn't mean you've beaten it.

It takes a lot of work, in my opinion, to get over the complex mess an alcoholic parent leaves in their wake.

Yes, addiction displaces itself into different things. From alcohol, to over-exercising, to over-eating, to under-eating.

It’s really important to view the addiction as symptomatic of an underlying mental health problem or trauma, and not as a discrete disease.

A bio-psycho-social interpretation of ‘addictive personality’ is that the sufferer is trying to self-medicate to alleviate emotional or mental pain.

I don’t believe there’s any such thing as an addictive personality. I think it described someone who has developed unhealthy coping strategies in response to deeper, unresolved issues.

Have you thought about trying AA lilfoxfur ? It doesn't have to be this way for you

It’s really important to view the addiction as symptomatic of an underlying mental health problem or trauma, and not as a discrete disease.

I understand that but I don't really have a reason to binge eat anymore. It's just a default thing if that makes sense.

It’s really important to view the addiction as symptomatic of an underlying mental health problem or trauma, and not as a discrete disease

I think that for many (not all) people the alcoholism or addiction is the mental illness and if they get sober they can lead a useful and fulfilled life.
My father was an alcoholic and he blamed everything and everyone for his drinking and wasn’t prepared to take responsibility for it.

I've been through hell with my alcoholic father. he's been sectioned countless times, brought back from the brink of death. He's currently beenrolled in residential care since the age of 55! He's been street homeless since the age of 45. Devastating.
I don't rearly drink at all!!!! xx

My father was an alcoholic. He stopped drinking after about three years of it, never really drank after that. That was thirty years before he died (of other conditions).
I started drinking at 14 (which is when I found out he was an alcoholic, but that's not why I drank), and by 18 was an alcoholic.
I don't drink now. I stopped completely, and am teetotal, I think from when I was about 25.
I have one bottle of wine a year, at Christmas with Christmas dinner.
I can't just have one little drink, even now twenty years after stopping.
DH doesn't drink either, so it's not awkward (he doesn't like the taste of alcohol).

My mum died last year of liver disease caused by her alcoholism. It's totally changed my attitude towards booze. Ive inherited a very high alcohol tolerance from my parents. I absolutely LOVE a tipple and pre-Mum dying would have had ie a gin and tonic with dinner every day and a couple of bottles of wine on weekend days. Never had a booze free day. No time of the day was too early although work often dictated it was the afternoon.

I've now changed that totally, because if her death. I don't want alcohol to be the boss of me, rather than vice versa. Currently abstinent 5 days a week and drink on 2, and much more controlled in what and how I drink. If we have a heavy Friday, I'll slack back on Saturday etc. Never drink before 5pm.

It might not sound much of an adjustment but it's been a big mental change for me. I'm proud of myself for bringing it about and I feel SO much better for it. Weekly shop is half the price! Definitely a work in progress but I'm going to keep chipping away and reducing ever more.

My mother is an alcoholic. She made my life hell from age 13 until the last few years when I detached completely from her. In my late teens/twenties I binge drank like all of my peers, but for the last 8 years or so I barely drink. Never in the house (my mum only ever drank at home), and if I'm out socialising I usually drive or I'll have a few drinks but I don't get "drunk" anymore. I feel her behaviours have made me really get annoyed by drunk people so I tend to avoid those situations now. I'm very conscious that I don't want to end up like her in any way, so I avoid putting myself in positions where I could become dependant on alcohol,