To not lend OH money

[Poptart4]

Background: together years, have kids, house etc. We share all bill's and expenses and then split the rest so we both have are own spending money.

OH is always broke and it's purely down to bad money management. Every week he borrows money from me and afew other family members just to get through the week. He always pays it back but that leaves him broke so afew days later hes looking for another lend. It's a never ending cycle and I'm sick of it. To be clear hes not borrowing money for anything essential this is just spending money for coffees or smokes or whatever every day luxuries he wants. He also buys alot of crap off Ebay.

Anyway hes asked for another lend today and ive told him no. I have to budget my money to get through the week and at 42, if he cant then that's though for him.

I'm not the only one sick of his constant borrowing. Theres a long list of relative's who now refuse to lend him money.

Hes now in a huff and I'm the biggest bitch going.

AIBU

You’re doing him a favour but it might have been good to say last month I’m not doing this next year not hitting him with it. New year might have been a good opportunity to bin fags too. When he has an established expectation you’ll do it. Not sure I’d want to share my life with someone like that.

The fact he has the gall to ask you for money when he can’t manage his own & HUFFS when you say no means he doesn’t respect you.

If you respected the person you would accept they have a right to decline the offer.

If you ask someone for a favour & then have a strop if you’re told no means you expect them to say yes - you’re not really asking, you assume you can have it.

He sounds like deadweight to me

But I have lent & lost money to enough exes in my 20s & 30s to see this now.

@katy1213

I wouldn't be splitting 50/50 with him. You earn more - so split the bills and keep the surplus for yourself. Why should you be subsidising his spending habit?

I wonder if you’d say the same if he were the higher earner?

He sounds like a teenager. I had a housemate who was like this years ago. I watched what I spent and she always relied on me to get her through to the end of the month. So tedious. He needs to grow up.

I'd just be telling him I'd already spent my money - this.

I would wonder if he also had debts you don't know about he is servicing. On one hand I would want to encourage you both to have a frank conversation. If that didn't work, I would be tempted to say to him that your monthly costs have risen, siphon off more from him at the start of the month and use that pot to lend to him, hopefully watching that pot rise each month as he pays you back, and sort of create a savings account for him if he is, as you say, and after lots of chances, truly incapable of creating his own savings account. That way he becomes more financially stable and would be able to stop the embarrassment of asking family members for money.

@Missdotty why should she do this? She's not his mother!

Let him sulk and don’t back down. He’s annoyed because his fecklessness is no longer being enabled.

I'm with you OP.

If he can afford to pay people back each week, it sounds as if he spends within his means, just a week ahead of himself.

Say no, get his/your family to say no too. He might moan for a week, but then he'll be square again. Which is when you tell him that there'll be no more bail-outs, period. When it's gone, it's gone.

I couldn’t stand being in a relationship with someone like this. He needs to grow up. How are you going to be able to retire if he never saves any money?