How’s your mum?

[Toddlertalkslots]

Just something I’ve been thinking about recently, more since I had my own child.
How involved/caring is your mum? I know my mum loves me and don’t doubt that, but she’s always been quite removed from me, I noticed it as a child and even now as an adult, she’s not how I hope to be with my adult daughter.
For example, I’ve had long covid since March and have some days when it’s quite bad. If she messages to ask how we are and I mention it, she never replies anything about it, doesn’t give any advice or sympathy..nothing really, just ignores it.
I’m in another country to my family, but they visit quite a lot (well, pre covid) they stay for weeks and she’s never once offered to sit with baby whilst I have a break or helped with dinner, which I make every night. They normally stay with us for DD’s birthday. I put a lot of effort into it as I enjoy doing all that, pinning up surprise balloons, preparing food etc, she just sits looking at me, I don’t need help, just I think if it was me, I’d want to?
When I had Dd, I think, looking back I possibly had some pnd, Dd had bad colic and I was away in another country alone for most of the day. She never offered any advice or even really engaged with me when I joked about how hard I found it sometimes, I think my dad offers much more help!
I have a vivid memory of going away for the first time with Brownies when younger, it was quite a big deal for me as I was a shy child and none of us had stayed away from home before. When our parents arrived, they all ran up to give a cuddle to their child and I remember my mum just walking up to me, no contact, nothing, we just walked to the car.
I realise everyone is different and there was perhaps less affection in those days, I’m not sure, I just want my dd to always know she’s loved and am very affectionate, it’s just a natural thing to me, because I love her 🤷🏻‍♀️
How’s your mum?

My mam was brilliant. I couldn’t have wished for a better mam. She was the first person I called if I had news, was upset or just wanted to chat. She was my best friend.

She’s in a care home now as she has Alzheimer’s. I miss her so much.

My mum was great when I was kid, notwithstanding a breakdown when I was about 7yo.

However, her underlying MH issues have made themselves known since I was a teenager...she is a control freak with severe separation anxiety, and that has had a massive effect on my life as she has attempted to rein my in so my life choices remained in her comfort zone.

I love her and she has been incredibly supportive of me on a practical level for which I'll be eternally grateful, but we are very different characters and on a emotional level I find her extremely difficult to handle.

That said we still have some good times, and when we do click over something we have a really good laugh.

My Mum is no walk in the park. From the ages of mid teens to mid twenties, she would get drunk and follow me around saying terrible things until she got the argument she thrives on. When I met my husband, she hated it. He went away to sea for six weeks and this was in the early nineties, so the only phone contact from the ship was via sat phone for work purposes only, not for phoning girlfriends. I explained this and that it would take about 14 days to get from Australia to Japan ( big slow container ship). She knew better of course, and she insisted that he wasn’t phoning because he didn’t care. The first “ meet the parents “ dinner, she again got drunk and basically verbally attacked him if he so much as uttered a word. Even now, she keeps on about how unhappy I am with him, I only married him to be like my sister blah, blah. We recently had our 28 th anniversary. I think there’s a bit more than sibling rivalry to explain that! She has this whole idea that he’s a monster and I’m so unhappy. I have no idea why. However, she seems to think she knows how we feel better than we do.

My mum is brilliant, I couldn’t ask for a better one. She raised my by herself (with help from my Nan), and she struggled when I was younger with her mental health and addiction. But she realised she needed help and got it, she’s now doing brilliantly and has a great job. I genuinely couldn’t be prouder. She hasn’t judged me for my life decisions, which most people would (young single mum). She lives on the same road as me and we see each other pretty much every day, she always helps out with my DS. She’s there for me when I’m poorly/upset etc. I really can’t fault her. She’s my best friend